Feeling: Curious
Listening to: At War with the Sun by The Big Pink

Ebb and Flow
Sometimes, I forget to breathe;
the air gets lost inside,
trapped within my inner walls,
it swells just like a tide.
My lungs take in too much at once,
leaving little room for peace.
The breath I hold only grows,
there is no sweet release.

One more drop becomes a flood,
and a great force gushes out:
The gust of wind I could not keep,
the prayer I'd rather shout.
It's a pain that feels familiar,
nursing a self-inflicted wound;
the wings that promised freedom,
I have beaten, clipped, and pruned.

These moments help me realise
how the comfort I seek to find
can soon turn into a bitter fear
of being alone and left behind.
A faulty memory never caused
this curious ebb and flow;
the reason it hurts is always me
trying desperately to not let go.

"What is wrong with people?"

Something I ask myself a lot.

Update alert: I moved to South Africa for four months. It's been four weeks so far, and every now and then, I still catch myself in awe and disbelief. Because what? How?

Life is funny.

Alas, my existential crisis is not over. I am mostly just ignoring it and distracting myself with a new country.

I think I need to learn to let things go. But I hate doing that. :( I much prefer to cling to things with all my might, even when my hands start to hurt and it gets too heavy to hold.