Feeling: Calm
Listening to: Paris by Pegasus Bridge

I think I've chosen my essay for Horror, Fantasy and the Media. :]

Todorov and the idea of the fantastic seems to appeal to me and A Tale of Two Sisters.

Maybe.

But if I loved you, it'd be the worst thing I could ever do.

Days remaining (a): 1
Days remaining (b): 24
Days remaining (c): 30

(a) Submit Spanish Language 'B' written assignment #1
(b) Submit 3,000 word Horror, Fantasy and the Media essay
(c) Submit 12,000 word Dissertation first complete draft

Feeling: Trapped

1. Analyse the representation of monstrosity in any one horror text of your choice using a cognitive-aesthetic approach to horror (Carroll). Assess the uses and limits of this theoretical approach in relation to your chosen horror text.
   
2. Analyse the construction of the 'fantastic' in any one text of your choice (film/literature/TV) using Todorov's model. Assess the usefulness of this approach and consider its limitations in relation to your chosen text.
   
3. Analyse the appeal of any one horror text by using psychoanalytic approaches (Freud/Creed). Relate your chosen text to key psychoanalytic concepts (the uncanny and abjection), considering the uses and limits of these psychoanalytic theories of horror.
   
4. Analyse any 'horror' text produced for television, considering how and to what extent your chosen text fits into theoretical definitions of the horror genre. (If you are analysing a TV series, focus on selected episodes).
   
5. Analyse any 'horror' text (factual/fictional/mockumentary) that purports to represent true events. Drawing on relevant theoretical approaches, consider how important constructions of realism are when defining the horror genre, and discuss how convincing you find Noel Carroll's 'natural horror'/'art horror' distinction.

Think, Sue-Anne. Think.

"I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch, it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you." - Valerie in V for Vendetta

That was ill-timed. I'm sorry.

This is bigger than me and my feelings. Lets go.

Listening to: The clock ticking (It's always there, taking away time and giving none back, but only in the background)

I've always been the kind of person who could tell you something worth believing in about the world. Because amongst all the cruelty and horrors, I truly thought the world deserved someone to have hope in it. It was my favourite thing about Earth - that no matter how many terrible people there were, there were still lots of good people, too. I'd never ever seriously felt at any point before this that there was nothing worth living for.

I'd never had those feelings before, and it tore my insides apart.

Oh, World, why would you disappoint me like this? I've been your most faithful servant, and I had such great plans for you. Now, they're all fucked, and I don't care anymore. You're on your own. You've screwed me over one too many times, and this was the worst. I don't want to see what other things you are capable of. I don't want to see what else you have up your sleeve.

When someone asks "What happened in your childhood to make you believe people are good?" and you can't find an answer, does that mean you were wrong and basing your expectations on fantasies you made up in your head?

Feeling: Dead

A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick.

Feeling: Dead

These focus groups are going horribly wrong. If they could go anywhere when they're not even existing.

It appears the foot-in-the-door theory is inapplicable in this instance. *Wipes tear.

This looks like a job for...

A NEW APPROACH!
:D

(Think positive.)

Feeling: Hopeless

Hypothetically speaking...

A while ago, after much contemplation about past events, I realised that I am drawn to people who are 'broken'. I enjoyed the prospect of fixing them, and this is what I frequently tried to do, probably in a vain attempt to make me feel better about myself (I HAVE A HEART, GAWSH. I AM SUCH A GOOD PERSON), but no matter how hard I tried, I kept returning to where I started - I could not fix them! And it frustrated me. Why could I not have the power to make someone better? Why must I sit here unable to reach them as they flail their arms about madly?

I soon discovered the answer: I can't. And I don't think I'm supposed to. It was just unnecessary drama that I really could not deal with on top of my own complexes. So, I decided to try something different and began the search for someone who was 'normal' and 'together' - anyone who did not seem like they desperately needed someone to piece them back together. But every time I thought I'd found them, I soon realised they were just as 'broken' as the blatantly 'broken' people. We all are. We all have these stupid fucking destructive issues holding us back, whether we let it show at first glance or not. And I guess what I'm trying to say is: Although we can't completely fix each other, we can help push each of our 'broken' souls in the right direction (though 'right' is subjective). But that's it. The rest is up to them.

You cannot save everyone; some people have to save themselves.

Feeling: Behind
Listening to: New Dress by Depeche Mode

Going through my questionnaire responses to find main themes. This one makes me laugh:

Their behaviours do not offend me as it is human nature to desire sexytime with others. Plus I am not a Conservative Christian mother. - 16, male

Fair enough, mah brotha. *Slaps back.

Feeling: Gross

I don't know why I'm awake.

I got eight hours of sleep last night and made it to my 10:00AM lecture. I was sleepy at 2:30PM so I had a one hour nap in the library, and when I got home, I was still tired so I slept for three hours and woke up at 11:00PM. Now, it's 2:30AM and I have class at 10:00AM for which I have to finish reading this chapter about political public relations.

Also, I think I'm developing a sickness. *Sneezes. *Blows nose. *Drinks water. AASDFEfsefseFLSmefoisenf.

Damn you, curse of the conscience!

Feeling: Stupid
Listening to: Bruised by Jack's Mannequin

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Cardiff University is holding a club night called 'Frat Party' where they will have beer pong, cheerleaders, red plastic cups and Jello shots.

Hahahahahahahaha.

British people pretending to be American is funny. I wonder if they do British parties in the States.

But seriously, I miss America and frat parties. *Sighs.