Where was I?
In May, my sister was in hospital and her sick one-year-old went missing for eight hours, without diapers, food or medication. I won't go into details, but this was the start of a life-changing journey to salvation.
After years of of mistreatment that got progressively worse, she made the decision to leave her abusive marriage. She took the kids out of that troubled house and moved in with my mum while she sorted out the paperwork and proof necessary for a divorce trial as a muslim woman, all while trying her best to maintain as safe, happy, healthy, and stable an environment as possible for the children. This included fighting for and securing a restraining order (which was a very long and painful process in itself).
It was a long time coming, and I'm very proud of her for the steps she's taken so far and for coming to these difficult conclusions. It's been tough watching her go through everything and not being able to make any real difference. And this is only from the sidelines, and only from my perspective of things I knew about.
Some people wonder how a person can stay in an abusive relationship, and they question why the victim didn't leave (sooner). But that is truly a simplistic view of an extremely complex situation. When someone you love and who you think loves you repeatedly tells you year after year after year how worthless you are and how alone you would be without them, somewhere along the line, you start to believe their words. Of course you accept his apologies and his promises that it won't happen again. You have to believe it's true. After all, you fell in love with a charming, caring guy and he's not always this bad. He never means what he says or does when he's like that; he just has a short temper. It's all your fault anyway, for being so worthless. But if you're patient and you keep supporting him, he'll one day see the error in his ways and start being a better man. He slowly pushes you away from your friends and family until you're more and more isolated from the people who care about you and have no one else to turn to.
Then it gets difficult to break away from that poisonous mindset and pick up the pieces that he's been chipping away from you after all this time.
My beautiful sister has not had it easy. She's been through so much (too much), and I'm really glad she's making it out the other side a stronger, more self-aware superwoman. She deserves her happiness, and it's about time the weight on her shoulders that she's been carrying for too long is given to the person it belongs to: Her piece-of-shit soon-to-be-ex-husband. :)
She has started to speak out against abusive relationships, and I think she has an important message. If you find yourself in a similar situation, please know that it's okay to walk away. It's never too late to seek help, and there are always people who will hear you (including me, if you want). Any kind of relationship that makes you feel horrible is probably not worth it. Look out for yourself. You matter more.
