Feeling: Sad
Listening to: Train Tracks Are Tactics To Tame Attacks by Airholes

I went to the Airholes album launch, the audience got to experience some honestly good bands. Some. Take note of that word. I managed to get my album signed, and most of the bands got to play but because of those fucking dancers that couldn't wait 2 minutes, I didn't get to see Malice My Shadows, Sadness In Her Eyes and Airholes perform(If you were there, you'd have noticed Airholes was the first band to play at the gig, but they were supposed to play 3 more songs at the end). What happened was those Liquid Ice Dancers started dancing just as the prayer started, and the KDN cancelled everything else because of that. Not fair for the band who launched their album, I have to say.

And when I pull this trigger, the last thing in my head is you.

And good God. I've listened to their album 5 times in a row now, and it might be the mood I'm in, but I never realized until now that their songs are pretty depressing. Hahaha. Really. It Takes Beauty To Replace An Old Ugly Flame is sad, but then again, I also think Atreyu's Our Sick Story (Thus Far) is sad.

Feeling: Alienesque
Listening to: Cassie by Flyleaf

I have no idea what alienesque means, so don't ask.

Sorry
My words are like daggers,
They tear us apart.
But neither of us can stop them.
And it hurts to see your eyes glisten with tears,
Hurts more when I know it's my fault.
I don't want to let you go,
But you know you can't stand me.
So, I'll close my eyes and count to ten,
And pray to God you don't care that you're leaving.
Because I know that when I see you
Standing there still,
You're going to wish things were different.
But they're not,
And I'm sorry.
I know what it's like,
I hate me, too.

That isn't anything recent; something I wrote in early July I think. I was looking though some old files on my computer when I came across it. Woohee.

Say "yes" to pull the trigger.

Feeling: Sweaty
Listening to: Revenge by Papa Roach

Edit my last post for me, because if I do it, it will just confuse people.

The gig on the 26th has been moved to the 27th; the same day as the Airholes album launch. And why? I don't know. HAHAH. Kay, I lied. I do know. I just don't want to tell you. So, be aware. If you're looking for a gig at Chill on Saturday night, you won't find one because it's on Sunday at 2PM till 6PM.

And also, I'm ordering you to click. So, click, okay?

Feeling: Troubled
Listening to: Demonology And Heartache by Atreyu

Hey there, internet! You're looking good today.

I'm just here to tell you that if you walk around Chill in Gadong, you'll see posters saying Word To The Wise, Liquid Ice Dancers, One Morning Project, DC Blues, Insicive, Wan Long Kok, Karacoma, Angels And Airwaves(HAHAH), Malice My Shadows, Sadness In Her Eyes and Airholes are playing on the 26th there from 8PM till midnight, in that order, 'cause telling people is so cool.

And tomorrow night Airholes, Avantgarde, Frozen Statue, Trisera and Superfriends are performing at ASMA Hotel. $10 for tickets though. I might as well be the operator for Brubands with the amount of advertising I do. Hahah.

Did you know there's a recording company in Brunei called 3rd Nipple Records? Hahahaha. Funny. :]

Oh, fuck. Atreyu's scream is beautiful. Literally sends chills up my spine. I love Atreyu. ♥

Demonology And Heartache by Atreyu
So unaffectionate, so insecure.
You claim to know a thing or two about heartache, and what it's like to have your insides torn out.
And I believe you; I see it everytime your pallbearer's palor is obsecured by the darkness,
dancing across your face, and when the blackness veils your eyes in pain.
I know what it's like when memories make you wince,
and love letters read like obituaries, and photo albums are books of the dead.
I need no reminders, no more reminders. I'll forget the past and lay it to rest.

If I had my way I'd cut the calluses off your breaking heart,
if I could get past the sternum.
Cauterize those wounds with every kiss I could give to you.
I'm holding your heart in my hands,
the reason it still beats.

Am I being too cryptic?
Am I being too obsecure?

Love kills, romance is dead, and I don't even trust myself, but I love you.
And you can pull my wings apart and pin me under the glass until the end of days, if it can help you discover that we share the same pain.
I just hope you write your thesis before your subject is dead.
No life after death.

I should learn the piano for Lip Gloss And Black, ey.

And I'm supposed to be studying. Heeeeeee.

Feeling: Dumb
Listening to: Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's

I've had this song on repeat for the past 5 hours. And I don't care how many times I've already heard it; I'm going to listen to it over and over and over again.

A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got planes and trains and cars; I'd walk to you if I had no other way. Our friends would all make fun of us, and we'll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way.

Feeling: Hungry
Listening to: Thank You For The Venom by My Chemical Romance

I was recording Trisera's Seketika off of Purevolume, like I often do. So, I put my MSN status on busy so it wouldn't make noise when someone chatted with me, and it was all going great until half-way through the song when I pressed the backspace button a bit too much, 'cause you know how it makes the 'ding' sound when you do that. Yeah, so I thought, okay, that's cool, I can just record it again. So, I did it, and three quarters into the song, the phone rings. HAHA. But I took it easy and just recorded it again. Eventually, I got the whole song and then I realized that you can download their mp3, so all of that trouble was a waste. :]

You all know I'm having my first trial exam, yes? Seeing as I've mentioned it twice in seperate posts that it started on the 14th. The reason I haven't talked about them again is because I'm going to take over the world one day and the slightest whisper about exams will just ruin my plan. Shhh.

Feeling: Full
Listening to: Sarcastic Farewell by Bleed The Dream

Search for Shannon Marketic on Wikipedia, and this is what you'll find:

Shannon Marketic, a Malibu, California native, was crowned first Miss California USA, and then Miss USA 1992. Marketic's victory was remarkable in light of the fact that she entered the semi-finals with the lowest score. She also won the Miss Photogenic award in the pageant by the vote of the audience.

Later, she placed 8th in the Miss Universe pageant, held in Bangkok, Thailand.

She has written many books about Christian subjects. She has acted in many movies and is currently working as a model.

In 1997, Marketic filed a lawsuit against the ruling family of Brunei for $90 million. In the case, Shannon alleges that she and 6 other young women were paid $127,200 each for a modeling job in Brunei (whereas on the ABC news program "20/20", Marketic said she was supposed to provide "intellectual conversations" with visiting guests of the royal family). These other women include former Miss Teen USA and future Miss USA Brandi Sherwood, who was invited along by Shannon, and Miss United Kingdom runnerup Paula Bradbury.

Marketic maintained that she and the women were held as "sex slaves" and were "intimidated and coerced into performing physically and morally repulsive acts of prostitution." They were apparently ordered to dance for 5-6 hours every night at parties during which their bodies and private parts were groped and grabbed by men. During the dances Shannon was also allegedly verbal abused with comments made about her bare breasts. The women were often told to go with a man to have "tea" with him and then had sex with him. In her interview on "20/20", Marketic said that after 32 days of being held against her will, she managed to smuggle a letter out to the US Embassy; shortly afterwards, she was allegedly paid $10,000 and forced to fly back to the United States alone. The case was thrown out due to the immunity of the ruling family as heads of state. There has been no further investigation into this case although there are allegations both supporting and refuting her claims. Paula Bradbury separately sued the Sultan and won 500,000 pounds in settlement.

Well, that caught me by surprise. Here's page 9 and page 7 of the lawsuit. So, how are you?

PS: There may be a misprint on Wikipedia 'cause People magazine says Paula Bradbury sued the Sultan's younger brother, Prince Jefri, not the Sultan.

Catastrophe
The tears, they go away;
it's not the pain that hurts so much.
It's more or less the ignorance;
the blindness of one's touch.
The cutting of the blade
against someone else's wrist.
The giving up on reality,
and forcing another to persist.
The purity of defeat,
losing your innocence to a stranger.
Someone you swore you knew,
He who you could never endanger.
The cherries, they're stolen;
Sweetened by your tragedy.

Catastrophe.

It all ends tonight.
For the finish is the beginning.
The life is the death,
and the sanity is spinning.
The emptiness is all around,
But alas, they do not see it.
The bliss, it is not there,
And your hate, you cannot free it.

I wrote that a few minutes ago. And if you can't tell(which I'm betting is the case), it's actually about losing your virginity by rape and not having the courage to tell anyone. If I used my language correctly, you might be able to tell. If you can't. Then, umm, read between the lines, as they say. Hypothetically and not. And yes, that one word 'Catastrophe' between the two stanzas is a stanza itself. These words will probably not make any sense when I read them again another day but I was in the moment, and these were the only words that seemed perfectly right.

Feeling: Scared
Listening to: FCPREMIX by Fall Of Troy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The soundtrack for High School Musical is 5th on the Billboard Album Charts top 200. HAHAHAHA. Funny 'cause the only reason people can't stop singing, and claim to like the songs is because the Disney channel keeps playing them. They're using the if-it's-stupid-we'll-force-it-into-your-brain strategy, and it's working, I guess. Some schoolmates even did a dance for the We're All In This Together song. Stupid media.

But enough of that. Lets talking about something real. Like more albums that made it onto the Billboard Album Charts top 200. :D

14th: Panic! At The Disco's A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
23rd: A.F.I.'s Decemberunderground
32nd: Dashboard Confessional's Dusk And Summer
39th: Blue October's Foiled
45th: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus' Don't You Fake It
55th: 30 Seconds To Mars' A Beautiful Lie
64th: Rise Against's The Sufferer And The Witness
67th: Flogging Molly's Whiskey On A Sunday
71st: Taking Back Sunday's Louder Now
72nd: Underoath's Define The Great Line
82nd: Flyleaf's Flyleaf

Look at that. Feels good to see bands you like doing well in this stereotypically blindly prejudice world. Although Panic! and Taking Back Sunday being there's slightly predictable.

I made Airholes' Fat Guy Wrote A Song About A Girl as the sound that plays whenever I get a message on MSN. And the thing is, whenever I get a message, it plays the whole song and I don't know how to stop it. So, when I have a conversation, it plays over and over and over again. :p

I've had my biology, physics and chemistry practicals, and I just realized something: theory exams start on Monday. I'm not prepared, and I'm scared as hell because of that. O_O

I try to take a picture with my mind so as not to forget how beautiful, how beautiful you are.

Feeling: Needy
Listening to: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot by Brand New

I saw Dashboard Confessional on Channel V today. Interesting.

You know what else is interesting? I don't. So I'm going to tell you about something not intersting; this silly thing I believe in. I guess it could go hand in hand with karma, but I don't know, it's all according to moosey logic, and moosey logic is illogical to everyone else. Just a warning.

I believe that everything happens for a reason that will be found out sooner or later. Like, say, you unknowingly label your drawing of a tomato for biology wrongly. And you don't realize it until after people take pictures of it with their camera phone so they can cheat. You labelled it wrongly for a reason, because they were going to cheat. HAHAHAHAHA. Yes, that was a lame example and yeaahh, my theories don't make much sense to anyone but me. But seriously now, I believe that everything is connected.

And if I could only stop the car and hold on to you, and never let go, I'll never let go. Why don't we hit restart, and pause it at our favorite parts. We'll skip the goodbyes. If I had it my way, I'd turn the car around and runaway, just you and I.

Feeling: Sorry
Listening to: Ku Tak Bisa by Slank

I'm printing out the 2004 GCE 'O' Level papers for biology, chemistry, and physics. I found them at click while looking for syllabus information. I didn't know you could get papers online. Hahah.

Click pisses me off. People who think appearance is everything piss me off. Her vanity is to the extent that she edits her pictures to change the shape of her nose and chin. It's strange how a person would go through that much trouble. Hee. But maybe it's just 'cause I don't understand.

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I want to quit my Malay tuition when I remembered a time in primary 6 when a mute boy made fun of me 'cause I couldn't speak Malay. Hahahahaha. Yes, I was ridiculed by a disabled person. :] Hardcore.

By the way, I finally got UNauthentic hosted(thank you, Jean) 'cause you know how bitchy those free servers can be, so the other day I downloaded SmartFTP and I was having fun uploading all my files and being hosted is cool. Hahah.

Oh, and girls get wet dreams. However, not as often as men and not all women go through this. Which is why if you search on google for 'wet dream', the definitions will all run along the lines of "a dream which causes ejaculation of semen." In females, it can happen between the ages of 12 and 45 and instead of a wet dream, it is more appropriately called a 'nocturnal orgasm' because she awakens to perceive the experience of orgasm. Sometimes, however, vaginal secretion occurs, which could be a sign of sexual arousal without orgasm. And the reason I posted that is because this morning... Yeah, I don't need to say it. XD

You know what? M2 miss M1.