Hahahahaha. I just noticed all the dead ants lying around (Again, ant enthusiasts, I am very sorry for my uncontrollable nature).

Feeling: Hyperactive
Listening to: We Laugh Indoors by Death Cab For Cutie

I am currently using the desktop computer I have in the living room area, and since my last use of the device, it seems to have attracted the attention of some very annoying ants (If you will please refer to an early post made here, you will understand my dislike for the creatures). Their constant moving about on the desk and mouse and other things this tiny desk has managed to accumulate has driven me to squash each and every one I see. I know, this does seem very murderous and sadistic of me, but I don't have an excuse so I guess I am very murderous and sadistic. Hence, I place here open-heartedly my apologies to ant enthusiasts out there offended by my actions.

As I was saying, I was quite enjoying myself as I thumped by palm all over the designated "ant-infested" area, taking pleasure in the pain I inflicted upon these helpless animals (Another part of my plan to take over the world), when I noticed these poor things actually left behind some kind of clear fluid after having supposedly died. And may I add, it takes more than you think to kill ants with your fingers, because you're caught in between feeling bad and not wanting to get dead ant (and dead ant juice) on your hands and realising your duty to save humankind from the insanity these insects can cause, but in the end, you always end up pushing your thumb into them more than once (and than was perhaps needed) when you notice them limping to the other side of the table. I think I have killed around twenty so far, though that number is likely to steadily increase as the day progresses.

That's all I had to say. I just felt you deserved to know that ants have liquidy things that leave their bodies when squashed. But, please, children, do not try this at home. At least not without any adult supervision. Ants can be quite fiesty and thus, dangerous.

Apart from that though, here is a link to another one of those things I cannot stop creating. :D I suppose it would be right to say I am addicted. Or obsessed at least. Ooh, I have to go. I see an ant.

Feeling: Cowardly
Listening to: Do It For The Kids by Velvet Revolver

Dear Courage,

How are you? I hope you are fine. I'm sorry the conversation we last had was far from friendly. The truth is I often wonder why you abandon me so, but then I always realise it's probably and most likely me who has abandoned you. I then start to feel terribly bad for thinking you could do such a thing, and that's when I say, with what constantly seems to be newfound zealousness and enthusiasm, "Oh, man, I am such a chicken." I disgust myself. Hence, I am writing just to let you know that none of this is your fault. In fact, it's all mine. I am very sorry. I didn't mean what I said, I was just angry, and you know how angry words aren't usually true. I do hope you accept my fruit basket as an offering of truce and that you will return home soon. Take care.

Much love and apologetic begging,
Sue-Anne (the Awesome One)

P.S. Please, let's not ever part ways again.
P.P.S. I need you too much, and I swore it wouldn't come to this (Me pleading for you to come back, showing you just how weak and vulnerable I am), but it's true.

Feeling: Dirty

I was going through old files I still kept on my laptop, and I came upon this (The thing that will follow). I don't even remember writing it, but it sounds like something I'd write, and those look like my words, and I do remember a time I could think so coldly of people, and it was accompanying a poem I wrote entitled "Those Eyes". The possibilities are endless!

Your fingers were cold, and I didn’t understand what it meant. I searched for meaning in your eyes; they always told me what wasn’t said and it made me smile, but this time, something was wrong. I looked into your eyes, begging to see what I wanted to see; what I’d seen so many times before: reassurance; truth; love. Instead, I saw nothing. Just a suffocating blank darkness – nothing. And it scared me.

I couldn’t stay there any longer. I couldn’t hold your hand for another second. It felt almost frozen against the concrete ground and I was afraid I’d snap your pretty fingers off if I squeezed them any tighter. But most of all, I couldn’t stand to stare into those empty eyes one more time. I knew that if I remained in that room, I’d upset myself even more. Uncountable thoughts filled my mind; it was all just too much, so I did the only thing I could and left.

As I sat there alone in the dark, the hurt was unbearable. I thought about the happiness and sorrow we’d been through together, but it only added to my pain. I considered crying my eyes out, and wailing out in agony, but the notion of it only made me angry at the possibility of me being that weak, so I locked those thoughts up inside and pretended there was nothing there to begin with.

Oh, the layout I was working on wouldn't work properly and as lovely as the last layout was, I thought it was about time for a change. So, this suit Broken Smile is so wonderfully wearing right now is an old thing I never intended on dressing it in. Ahehehehehehehehe.

You inspire me, pretty one.

Meaning, Escaped
The hands of time grasp,
and they grasp so tight,
so tight around the throat.
The struggle beats down,
beats down,
beats down.
The soul, so sad, so sensitive,
so very fragile and cold.
it leaves the frigid body,
it escapes, it sings.
The mind collapses,
and time, it dances,
though it meant anything but harm,
no harm,
no harm.
It meant no harm.
Let's run away together and conquer the world, like we were meant to. :]

Feeling: Interrupted
Listening to: Novella by Funeral For A Friend

There isn't anything more annoying than people who have blogs but don't update them.

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

I'm laughing because I'm like that. Hahahahaha. That would mean I am terribly hypocritical or shamelessly sarcastic or even so honest that I have no trouble confessing my flaws publicly. Don't you see the funniness? It's like a joke! Hahahaha.

Moving on, you may be seeing Broken Smile with a whole new, refreshing look! But only if Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox can learn to work together. Now, that's a true ordeal, but only you have the innate knowledge required to accomplish such a feat. So, what do you say? Will you do your bit for the community and save the day? Tune in tomorrow at six pee em to see how you can help, and stand a chance to win a lifetime supply of baby diapers! That's right; baby diapers! :D

Your days were golden while we bled.

Feeling: Incomplete
Listening to: Radio/Video by System Of A Down

If you only removed that shield you have around your idealistic vision of me for a while. You'd be able to tell I'm holding back feelings and thoughts by the way I exaggerate everything I say with occasional exclamation marks and the optimism I simply and carelessly distribute around your words. That's not me speaking; I don't talk like that. That's the girl who's too ashamed and a little afraid to tell you she's not what you want and maybe believe her to be.

GAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Feeling: Surprised
Listening to: Not What It Seems by Something Corporate

108 hours after most other people I know receieved their IB results, 4 and a half days after being sick of seeing the "P" for Pending on my results page, I can finally say that I have "receieved my diploma" this morning. You may want to step back a little because this is one of those times when I will most likely start laughing maniacly for various reasons I will refuse to state unless asked.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA.

Okay, okay. Fiiiiine. Since you all asked so nicely, I have decided to change my frigid mind. I'm laughing because I believe I am either very lucky or smarter than I, and my teachers thought (I'd place my bet on the first one 'cause you know, it's kind of obvious (And I'm a little koo-koo, if you know what I mean)) as I have done the "unpredictable" (I don't know what's up with the quotation marks). So, anyway, back to what I was doing.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

I know not everyone did as well as they expected or worked for, but the strange philosophy I live by is that everything happens for a reason, and if you didn't get what you wanted, then maybe you weren't meant to want what you wanted, and if you can't see a reason for this now, it will show itself when the time's right (It must be annoying hearing that when all you want to do is slit your wrists or evaporate into a rain cloud, but I genuinely believe things will be okay).

Feeling: Itchy
Listening to: Battle For Middle Of Earth by Air Show Disaster

They fill you up with undeserved and unrealistic expectations that always seem to end up being unfulfilled, making you wonder why you even had such strange and crazy dreams in the first place. It is, after all, simply madness to expect such things to happen, especially seeing as how far from reality they are.

They signify the horrible inevitable aging process that people in this superficial, materialistic world are bound to judge you by, and a basis with which you may see how well and how long you've survived this cold, dark world.

And I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.

I hate birthdays. :p But that is so last Thursday.

(Peter Pan was supposed to take me to Neverland ages ago. I am very disappointed with him, but I guess that's only because I'm scared of this place I live in and the various creatures that live here. :[)

Feeling: Malnourished
Listening to: Love Love Love (Love Love) by As Tall As Lions

1. I just filled in a survey that was too long for me very meticulously.
   
2. With well-thought responses.
   
3. Requiring an abundant amount of typing.
   
4. And whatnot.
   
5. I was going to post it up here.
   
6. But then I changed my mind.
   
7. Instead, I come to you bearing chocolate.
   
8. And candy. :]
   
9. Invisible ones.
   
10. That don't really exist.
    
11. Because I made them up in my head.
    
12. They're very yummy.
    
13. Enjoy! :D