People and their silly celebrations are evil, and I have proof:
That poor pumpkin, I hope he's in a better place now.
Anyway, happy halloween.
Sunday 29 October 2006
Feeling: Itchy
Before you say anything, this is a new layout, but it is one I didn't make. It was originally made by Deena, who is linked in the 'Thank you' box, but I played around with itsy bitsy parts of the HTML, so most of the credit goes to her. :] This is the first layout I'm using that I didn't make, and this layout's real pretty, and surprisingly, underrated, which is why it's perfect for my first and possibly last layout I use without designing it myself.
And also, I've invented the subsubculture(subsubculture because it is a subculture of a subculture), contrary emo. I discovered this subsubculture that night MOTA got signed with 537 Records because Hamish puked due to excitement and happiness, which, in a way, defines the contrary emo, but not quite, so I'm going to define the term even more. A contrary emo doesn't want to conform with all the other emos by being typically sad and depressing, so instead, he/she is happy, and sometimes, so happy he/she pukes. :] In all other aspects, the contrary emo is alot like the other kinds of emos, because I said so and I haven't gotten that far yet. XD
It'll be the next big thing. You should be a contrary emo, too; they are so cool.
Before you say anything, this is a new layout, but it is one I didn't make. It was originally made by Deena, who is linked in the 'Thank you' box, but I played around with itsy bitsy parts of the HTML, so most of the credit goes to her. :] This is the first layout I'm using that I didn't make, and this layout's real pretty, and surprisingly, underrated, which is why it's perfect for my first and possibly last layout I use without designing it myself.
And also, I've invented the subsubculture(subsubculture because it is a subculture of a subculture), contrary emo. I discovered this subsubculture that night MOTA got signed with 537 Records because Hamish puked due to excitement and happiness, which, in a way, defines the contrary emo, but not quite, so I'm going to define the term even more. A contrary emo doesn't want to conform with all the other emos by being typically sad and depressing, so instead, he/she is happy, and sometimes, so happy he/she pukes. :] In all other aspects, the contrary emo is alot like the other kinds of emos, because I said so and I haven't gotten that far yet. XD
It'll be the next big thing. You should be a contrary emo, too; they are so cool.
Friday 27 October 2006
Feeling: Needy
Listening to: No Cigar by Millencolin
I once had a friend, who will remain anonymous and who told me things about Far that he/she said I shouldn't tell her(Far). This certain friend, he/she went away to college, didn't contact us for months, not even when he/she returned to Brunei for holidays, and me and Far both knew there was something wrong with him/her because of all his/her obvious faults. After much deliberation, I told Far what this friend told me about her. In the words of this friend, "My parents don't like Far; they like you better. They don't like her whole family; they think they're weird." Far's face was confusing, so I asked what her expression was about and what do you know, she replied with a "That's the exact same thing she said to me, except about you and your family." It made me wonder what other things he/she had told me that were lies. That certain friend, I thought he/she was, you know, a friend. I even selfishly called him/her a close friend. But that's not the point of this paragraph. The point I'm trying to prove here is that you can never really know who to trust; people can deceive you so easily, but the only thing you can do is close your eyes and hope you made the right decision, and it's that fact that makes life that much more unbearable.
And I think I have split personalities, or just inability to control my emotions when they come. 'Cause they don't come often, but when they do, they come at the most inappropriate of times and it's all so stupid because [whatever words were here have been deleted; I don't need to reveal as much information as was previously entered just to have strange people think I'm crazy, and some things are best left for the imagination]. It makes me have conversations with myself in which I go, "I wonder what it's like to die." and answer, "It's nothing. It's just like going to sleep, only you know you're not going to wake up." Then I start wondering if death is really overrated, and if it actually is nothing.
[I've also edited this part, because in this space were words that had to do with what had been deleted in the paragraph above, so leaving what was here here would make no sense]
Listening to: No Cigar by Millencolin
I once had a friend, who will remain anonymous and who told me things about Far that he/she said I shouldn't tell her(Far). This certain friend, he/she went away to college, didn't contact us for months, not even when he/she returned to Brunei for holidays, and me and Far both knew there was something wrong with him/her because of all his/her obvious faults. After much deliberation, I told Far what this friend told me about her. In the words of this friend, "My parents don't like Far; they like you better. They don't like her whole family; they think they're weird." Far's face was confusing, so I asked what her expression was about and what do you know, she replied with a "That's the exact same thing she said to me, except about you and your family." It made me wonder what other things he/she had told me that were lies. That certain friend, I thought he/she was, you know, a friend. I even selfishly called him/her a close friend. But that's not the point of this paragraph. The point I'm trying to prove here is that you can never really know who to trust; people can deceive you so easily, but the only thing you can do is close your eyes and hope you made the right decision, and it's that fact that makes life that much more unbearable.
And I think I have split personalities, or just inability to control my emotions when they come. 'Cause they don't come often, but when they do, they come at the most inappropriate of times and it's all so stupid because [whatever words were here have been deleted; I don't need to reveal as much information as was previously entered just to have strange people think I'm crazy, and some things are best left for the imagination]. It makes me have conversations with myself in which I go, "I wonder what it's like to die." and answer, "It's nothing. It's just like going to sleep, only you know you're not going to wake up." Then I start wondering if death is really overrated, and if it actually is nothing.
[I've also edited this part, because in this space were words that had to do with what had been deleted in the paragraph above, so leaving what was here here would make no sense]
Sunday 22 October 2006
Feeling: Stubborn
Listening to: Raining All The Time by Kill Hannah
This song. ♥
She said, "I hate the rain, but here it comes again." There's something in my head, I can't get it off my mind. Since you've been gone, it's raining all the time.
I just thought it was worth mentioning that it's raining right now, and strange enough, on the day Hamish leaves(He's coming back on Tuesday, but 2 nights and 3 days is still a long enough time).
I downloaded Closer because Pete mentioned it in his journal as being far more true than anything he's ever written. So, out of curiosity, I watched it last night, and the things that go on in that movie are scary to think about because it's actually quite fucked up.
A reviewer of the movie said it will intrigue your senses, causing you to examine your own soul; your own convictions, and I have to agree. I also discovered Panic! At The Disco got the name of two of their songs from this movie(Evident by Alice, who is a stripper, when she says, "Lying's the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it's better if you do.") And Goddammit, why does Jude Law always have to play a character I hate?
Listening to: Raining All The Time by Kill Hannah
This song. ♥
She said, "I hate the rain, but here it comes again." There's something in my head, I can't get it off my mind. Since you've been gone, it's raining all the time.
I just thought it was worth mentioning that it's raining right now, and strange enough, on the day Hamish leaves(He's coming back on Tuesday, but 2 nights and 3 days is still a long enough time).
I downloaded Closer because Pete mentioned it in his journal as being far more true than anything he's ever written. So, out of curiosity, I watched it last night, and the things that go on in that movie are scary to think about because it's actually quite fucked up.
A reviewer of the movie said it will intrigue your senses, causing you to examine your own soul; your own convictions, and I have to agree. I also discovered Panic! At The Disco got the name of two of their songs from this movie(Evident by Alice, who is a stripper, when she says, "Lying's the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it's better if you do.") And Goddammit, why does Jude Law always have to play a character I hate?
Friday 20 October 2006
I'm not supposed to be online or posting because I promised myself I wouldn't allow silly distractions like computers and TVs to get in the way of my much needed studies, but I figured extremely cool news could be an exception. And this is pretty cool news. To MOTA fans, anyway(And if you don't know who MOTA is, slap yourself).
They got offered a record deal with 537 Records, home of Airholes, Incisive and Wan Long Kok. Pretty fucking sweet, ey. :]
Yeah. That's all. I'm really tired and I have to wake up at 7.
(I was kidding about the slapping of yourself if you don't know about MOTA, all you have to do is click here or here. But if you actually slapped yourself, HAHAHAHAHA. Dumbass)
They got offered a record deal with 537 Records, home of Airholes, Incisive and Wan Long Kok. Pretty fucking sweet, ey. :]
Yeah. That's all. I'm really tired and I have to wake up at 7.
(I was kidding about the slapping of yourself if you don't know about MOTA, all you have to do is click here or here. But if you actually slapped yourself, HAHAHAHAHA. Dumbass)
Thursday 19 October 2006
Tuesday 17 October 2006
Feeling: In danger
Listening to: Poison by My American Heart
I finally have all my results back for first and second trials. And to my surprise, I got 100% for all of them.
I'm joking. And you must be sick of all my jokes. Haha. But to make up for it, here are my real results. That are actually really sucky.
Told you. Sucky. But look at my Malay. Hahah. My teacher's crazy.
Listening to: Poison by My American Heart
I finally have all my results back for first and second trials. And to my surprise, I got 100% for all of them.
I'm joking. And you must be sick of all my jokes. Haha. But to make up for it, here are my real results. That are actually really sucky.
| Biology | 1: 57.5%, 2: 52.5%, 3: 57.5% | 1: 77.5%, 2: 64%, 3: 77.5% |
| Physics | 1: 42.5%, 2: 32.6%, 3: 96.6% | 1: 72.%, 2: 62%, 3: 86.7% |
| Chemistry | 1: 55%, 2: 52.5%,3: | 1: 70%, 2: 59.4%, 3: 73.8% |
| Malay | 1: 63%, 2: 68.5% | 1: 88%, 2: 76.5% |
| English | 1: 72%, 2: 74% | 1: 73%, 2: 76% |
| Add. Maths | 1: 52.5%, 2: 18% | 1: 25%, 2: 41.3% |
| Accounts | 1: 60%, 2: 59% | 1: 75%, 2: 74% |
| Maths | 1: 61.25%, 2: 65% | 1: 61%, 2: 72% |
Told you. Sucky. But look at my Malay. Hahah. My teacher's crazy.
Monday 16 October 2006
Feeling: Insecure
Listening to: Swing Life Away by Rise Against
Yeah, yeah. I know, Biology practical tomorrow.
Listening to: Swing Life Away by Rise Against
Survey #1 |
| 1. Do you know anyone's friendster password? * Yes, I do. All part of the take-over-the-world plan I've mentioned too many times to actually work. 2. Do you think your love life right now will last long? * That depends on your definition of 'long'. Forever seems a long time to me. What do you think? 3. Are you an emotional person? * I suppose. Not so much externally, but shut up. Don't we all have emotions and thus, aren't we all emotional? 4. If you had one last breath to say something to someone you love what would you say? * "Ellooooooooooo, this is my one last breath, so you should know what's coming. Hold me nowww, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking, "Maybe six feet ain't so far down."" 5. Do you believe in love at first sight? * I actually don't believe you can fall in love with a person with one glance. I mean, love is a big word, one glance is a small action, what could happen? 6. Ever felt jealous of your friend? * I guess a little bit of me is always jealous. You know, that familiar feeling that takes hold of you when you wish you had it as good as your friend. 7.What was the last thing you did? * Milked the cow. Really. I have a cow. That I milk. Outside, of course. Unless it's dinner time. Then, I do it inside the house, and we all get milkshakes! 8. Who is right next to you? * I won't say "no one" 'cause there very well may be someone sitting right beside me at this very moment. I just can't see them without my invisible-people-seeing goggles. :] 9. Who was the last person you ate with? * Actually ate? Or watched eat? I actually ate with Far, but I watched my brother eat later on. 10. How many times has your page been viewed? * What page? I have many pages. 11. How's the weather right now? * Cool. I don't know. I'm not outside and I don't plan to go outside because I'm doing that thing where I sit in my living room without any pants on. Force of habit. Don't blame me. 12.Last person you called? * Wowwwww. I don't remember. Must have been ages ago. 13. Last person who called you? * The evil monster called Benjamin. 14. Last song you sang? * Situations by Escape The Fate. 15. Last time you danced? * I don't dance. And if you ever think you saw me dance, shhhhh. It wasn't me. 16. Lost a friendship over something stupid? * No. I lose friendships over really big things such as missing shoelaces and feelings. 17. Smoke? * Ah, fuck. The cow caught fire again. 18. Last thing you ate? * Apple strudle. I have some left, do you want any? 19. Been really depressed before? * No fucking shit. Yes, my answers make no sense. 20. Faked being sick to miss school? * Ah, I've pretended to be sicker than I actually was. :] 'Cause I was feeling like shit when I went to bed, but when I woke up, I was all better and I just didn't feel like going to school so I pretended I was still sick. If I didn't do that, I may have died at school. Think about it. 21. What time did you wake up today? * 6:25AM. 22. Last person you did an activity with? * Wow. You suck. 23. Do you like the person who posted this? * Mmmmmmmmyeah. I don't know her well. She used to go to my school, then she went to do IB and now, we don't talk exactly, me being the anti-social that I am. Hee hee hee. 24. What are you wearing right now? * Hahahaha. Funny you should ask. I'm wearing no pants, undergarments and a t-shirt. 25. Are you too shy to ask someone out? * I don't need to ask anyone out. Well, that's what I tell myself just to get over the fear. 26. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? * Their eye flicky thing. Hahah. ♥ 27. Where are you now? * At home. In the living room. On a chair. That's really hard and uncomfortable. 28. What date and day is it? * October 16th, 2006. Mondayyyy. 29. Did you go somewhere yesterday? * To the Aman complex. 30. What did you do there? * Good question. What did I do there? Hmmm. I'll get back to you on that one. 31. How old are you? * Enam belas tahun. 32. What color is your underwear? * Grey. Anyone could have guessed it. 33. Do you act mature or immature? * I don't act. I am. I be. I wachaaaaaaa. 34. What do you call your mom and dad? * Mum and dad. Haha. 35. Are you an only child? * Horses go "neigh." 36. Where do you go shopping? * Wherever the shopping is. Hahaha. 37. Do you like your school? * I'm meltingggggggg. 38. Do you like books? * Meltingggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. 39. Do you want to get married? * Yes. :] But I am already, so, go fish. 40. To whom? * The one that makes me go "Eeee." Whoa. Moose make weird noises. |
Survey #2 | 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel? * I've never answered a survey properly, and I think it's time. It really depends on what their feelings are. Hahah. Oh, I ruined the question. :[ I'll try in the next one. 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? * Hmm. I don't actually know why I got so angry, it may have been because I felt forgotten, but then again, I have an anger management problem that I hate and need to control. 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? * Ooh, I want it to be like the movies. I'd call Hamish and tell him I love him. Then, if I don't survive the crash, at least I left the world on that note, and if I live, at least he knows I love him. 4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? * Yeah, I think my friends and family deserve to know. I'd spend my remaining days doing things I've always wanted to do like running around Jerudong Park naked or meeting Atreyu or something, with my loved ones. And yes, fear would have it's best of me when I realize once I'm dead, I'm gone. And it's a scary thing to be gone. 5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Love or Trust? Why? * Love is built on trust, so I pick trust. 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? * In my world, I would have left my house a little earlier than I was supposed to, so I'd have enough time to save the doggy that somehow managed to get into the canal. 7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not? * O_O That's a mean thing to say. But yes, I'd tell him. 'Cause like I said, love is built on trust. 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say? * I'd sit down with her and tell her I'm in love with Hamish and that I appreciate her having the courage to tell me her feelings, 'cause I know it's not easy to do, but sadly, I don't think I'm a lesbian. :p 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? * I know I can be unbearable at times, but friends are people who know you exremely well(i.e. knows your perfections and your flaws), but still likes you. As narcsisstic it is to say "yes", I'm going to say "I guess so." I mean, I can't be that bad of a friend. 11. Does love = sex? * No, it doesnt, and I will prove it to you with the magic of mathematics. If you use that equation, it also means "love - sex = 0" and "sex - love = 0", and as you can see, they both equal zero, so, no, it doesn't. 12. Wheres 12? * I don't know any 12. 13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? * Respectively, today, Hamish, and I didn't have to tell, I wanted to. It was about my mum not wanting to take care of me anymore. 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back? * Exposing your true emotions is a hard thing to do, and although both of them involve the exposing of emotions, I'd say telling a friend I love them is harder for me to do as it involves the showing of more intense feelings. 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing(s) for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? * Hamish, and I know he's not a thing, but he'd be hard to lose 'cause he's that something that makes every day bearable. 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you? * The only person I can remember saying it to is Yu Foong. Haha. He's my friend; the guy who made me want to cry on my birthday because of the simple gesture he made that nobody else would have noticed. 18. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? * Hamish or Far. :] 19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? * Yes, if CPR is what they need. Why? Homeless person. He/She is still a person, and the right to live is one of the basic human rights. 21. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your reason for making the decision? * Why am I holding on the the hand of a newborn I do not know? Strange. Anyway, I'd save the baby 'cause I'm mean and I guess the baby deserves to live longer than it already has. 22. Are you old fashioned? * In some ways, no. 23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? * I don't usually expect things in return because I don't want to disappoint myself, and by not expecting anything, I allow myself to be pleased if I happen to get the unexpected, if anything. 24. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? * There's such a thing as true love breaking a heart? Wow. I've been living life by false facts. Despite that, I choose the first, because after my heart is broken, I can heal, learn and love again, whereas the other choice says I'd never love at all, and that would suck. 25. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? * Have telekinetic powers, or take over the world. Yes, I got tired of thinking. |
Yeah, yeah. I know, Biology practical tomorrow.
Sunday 15 October 2006
Feeling: Restless
Listening to: A World So Cold by Mudvayne
MOTA's review for playing at D'Anggerek Hotel last month is up at BruBands, if you're desperate to know how they play live. :]
Exams are just around the corner and I can't sit down and study because I'm too excited about everything that's going to happen after the exams. I'm not sure if that's healthy. Eep.
And 'cause I'm an advertising bitch, click.
I love the way the slightest scent of you drives me crazy. ♥
Listening to: A World So Cold by Mudvayne
MOTA's review for playing at D'Anggerek Hotel last month is up at BruBands, if you're desperate to know how they play live. :]
Exams are just around the corner and I can't sit down and study because I'm too excited about everything that's going to happen after the exams. I'm not sure if that's healthy. Eep.
And 'cause I'm an advertising bitch, click.
I love the way the slightest scent of you drives me crazy. ♥
Tuesday 10 October 2006
Feeling: Desperate
Listening to: Dying In Your Arms by Trivium
Trivium released their new album today and you know what sucks about it? They were giving away free tickets to their show at Nokia Theatre tonight for all those who bought their album from Virgin Megastore in New York fast enough. FREE TICKETS. TRIVIUM. It's times like these I wish I was in America. And I knew there was something funny about his appearance; Matt Heafy's Amerasian. Haha. I just found that out.
Monday, at school, Brunei permanent residents were asked to have blood tests, which means the extracting of blood with injections, which means long pointy needles piercing our skin and forcing blood out of our body, which means the government will have little vials of all their country's PRs' blood, which means they have found their way of keeping track of us and eventually cloning us, stealing our identity and robbing us of all we have, which means I sure as hell was not going to go through with it, which means, I am indeed a Brunei PR, if you didn't already know. I'm kidding. About the government and cloning and theiving; the rest is as true as I am a moose. And I am a moose. All of this means that I somehow avoided going with the rest of the PRs, doesn't it? And that's exactly what I did. :] I stayed in class with the non-PRs and pretended I didn't know what was going on. And do you know why I did it? It is because I am evil and I am not going to surrender my blood to the literally blood-sucking government. I'm kidding again. Far was telling me about how they have big bags for all the blood they take away and that it's connected to your vein with a tube and if that bag fell over, it would make a big mess. So, basically, it's Far's fault I "didn't know what was going on" and stayed in class. Not mine; I am but an innocent child. The PRs came back to class with little pieces of tissues over their index fingers, which I guess means they got their fingers pricked with needles because they were naughty and climbing over fences, or that they were cut and had some blood squeezed out of them for the government. Guess I was wrong about the injections and the vials and the tubes and the bags.
Hahaha. Sorry, government. I have nothing against you. Please don't take any of this seriously. I don't really think you want our blood for freaky science experiments carried out to prove the existance of intelligent lifeforms on other planets. Or do I? Oh, the mystery; how it must hurt.
People keep complaining about how much Beta Blogger is errored. As if they don't know you can use Beta Blogger the same as you would the plain old Blogger. You don't have to use their special layout designers or their fancy post publishers; you can still do it all the old school way, with HTML. That's what I do, and it's been fine. The way I see it, I'd only try out that layout designer thing when all the bugs have been sorted out and it has become an official blogging service, not just a beta version, but other than that, I don't see anything wrong with using Beta Blogger instead of the old version. I like how the dashboard's arranged, and how everything's all organized and easy to access. :D Woo. Nerd talk. Sexy.
Listening to: Dying In Your Arms by Trivium
Trivium released their new album today and you know what sucks about it? They were giving away free tickets to their show at Nokia Theatre tonight for all those who bought their album from Virgin Megastore in New York fast enough. FREE TICKETS. TRIVIUM. It's times like these I wish I was in America. And I knew there was something funny about his appearance; Matt Heafy's Amerasian. Haha. I just found that out.
Monday, at school, Brunei permanent residents were asked to have blood tests, which means the extracting of blood with injections, which means long pointy needles piercing our skin and forcing blood out of our body, which means the government will have little vials of all their country's PRs' blood, which means they have found their way of keeping track of us and eventually cloning us, stealing our identity and robbing us of all we have, which means I sure as hell was not going to go through with it, which means, I am indeed a Brunei PR, if you didn't already know. I'm kidding. About the government and cloning and theiving; the rest is as true as I am a moose. And I am a moose. All of this means that I somehow avoided going with the rest of the PRs, doesn't it? And that's exactly what I did. :] I stayed in class with the non-PRs and pretended I didn't know what was going on. And do you know why I did it? It is because I am evil and I am not going to surrender my blood to the literally blood-sucking government. I'm kidding again. Far was telling me about how they have big bags for all the blood they take away and that it's connected to your vein with a tube and if that bag fell over, it would make a big mess. So, basically, it's Far's fault I "didn't know what was going on" and stayed in class. Not mine; I am but an innocent child. The PRs came back to class with little pieces of tissues over their index fingers, which I guess means they got their fingers pricked with needles because they were naughty and climbing over fences, or that they were cut and had some blood squeezed out of them for the government. Guess I was wrong about the injections and the vials and the tubes and the bags.
Hahaha. Sorry, government. I have nothing against you. Please don't take any of this seriously. I don't really think you want our blood for freaky science experiments carried out to prove the existance of intelligent lifeforms on other planets. Or do I? Oh, the mystery; how it must hurt.
People keep complaining about how much Beta Blogger is errored. As if they don't know you can use Beta Blogger the same as you would the plain old Blogger. You don't have to use their special layout designers or their fancy post publishers; you can still do it all the old school way, with HTML. That's what I do, and it's been fine. The way I see it, I'd only try out that layout designer thing when all the bugs have been sorted out and it has become an official blogging service, not just a beta version, but other than that, I don't see anything wrong with using Beta Blogger instead of the old version. I like how the dashboard's arranged, and how everything's all organized and easy to access. :D Woo. Nerd talk. Sexy.
Sunday 8 October 2006
Feeling: Hmm
Listening to: Angels by Within Temptation
There are times when all I want to do is sit outside in the rain and forget about everything that's happening, like all this never existed, as if it were a dream I've woken up from, and all things are really beautiful and pure. Then I realize that not everything can be pretty, and there are times when nothing seems to be, but some things are. And they are truly amazing. If you're lucky enough to know these some things, my heart goes out to you. But if you have yet to discover why there is evil in the world, fear not, for your time will come; you'll see it when you're meant to. Haha. This all goes with my belief that all things balance out, and that things may seem bad at the moment they're going on, but in the end, you'll see that if those bad things hadn't happened, none of the good would exist. It's hard to explain really, maybe if I said "If you didn't feel sadness, you wouldn't know how good happiness feels." you'll understand better.
Note: These some things can be anything - a person, a hobby.
This is only my 263rd post. I'm sleepy. Good morning, late sleepers.
High school days left: 2
Listening to: Angels by Within Temptation
There are times when all I want to do is sit outside in the rain and forget about everything that's happening, like all this never existed, as if it were a dream I've woken up from, and all things are really beautiful and pure. Then I realize that not everything can be pretty, and there are times when nothing seems to be, but some things are. And they are truly amazing. If you're lucky enough to know these some things, my heart goes out to you. But if you have yet to discover why there is evil in the world, fear not, for your time will come; you'll see it when you're meant to. Haha. This all goes with my belief that all things balance out, and that things may seem bad at the moment they're going on, but in the end, you'll see that if those bad things hadn't happened, none of the good would exist. It's hard to explain really, maybe if I said "If you didn't feel sadness, you wouldn't know how good happiness feels." you'll understand better.
Note: These some things can be anything - a person, a hobby.
This is only my 263rd post. I'm sleepy. Good morning, late sleepers.
High school days left: 2
Friday 6 October 2006
Feeling: Hungry
Listening to: Learning To Fall by Boys Like Girls
If you've ever been inside my house and looked into the little corner of the living room next to the piano that I call my office, you'd have noticed that there are books and sheets of paper all over the floor, on my desk, on the piano chair, and occasionally, on the piano score holder, because I never fail to point it out and frankly, it's hard to miss. Anyone would have to be a reaaallly lazy procrastinator to be as untidy as me, and well, I am, because whenever I study, I take my books out and never put them back, when I come home from school with notes and test papers, I put them on the floor. When that paper pile gets too high, I make another pile, which only leads to more piles and really, it's so much work to put things back where they belong when you take them out, and to find places to put your sheets of paper that you may or may not need.
Anywayyy, today, I tidied up my office! I had a sudden must clean moment and before I knew it, I was sorting out all the papers, putting them into piles, putting them away, and placing my books on shelves. And in an hour or two, it was done. I had performed the tedious task that I had refused to do so many times before because of sheer slothfulness, and yes, I was proud of myself. The only things left to tidy up are my clothes pile and my bedroom).
Hahaha. It sounds like I'm going "Yup, I'm lazy. Be jealous." But I'm not. I am greatly ashamed of my behaviour. :D And poor you, you have no idea if I'm being sarcastic or not.
I made a miscalculation with my counting of the number of high school days I have left. I didn't know that we had no school on Tuesday. And I guess that means I didn't miscalculate; I made the correct calculations, just with the wrong information. So, I'm not dumb and lazy after all! Just lazy. :D Yay. Taking away Tuesday from the number of days left means only one thing...
High school days left: 4
The last 40 seconds of this song is nice, but the rest is kind of bumpy. Reminds me of Superman (It's Not Easy) by Five For Fighting, but that may just be me and my mooseyness.
Listening to: Learning To Fall by Boys Like Girls
If you've ever been inside my house and looked into the little corner of the living room next to the piano that I call my office, you'd have noticed that there are books and sheets of paper all over the floor, on my desk, on the piano chair, and occasionally, on the piano score holder, because I never fail to point it out and frankly, it's hard to miss. Anyone would have to be a reaaallly lazy procrastinator to be as untidy as me, and well, I am, because whenever I study, I take my books out and never put them back, when I come home from school with notes and test papers, I put them on the floor. When that paper pile gets too high, I make another pile, which only leads to more piles and really, it's so much work to put things back where they belong when you take them out, and to find places to put your sheets of paper that you may or may not need.
Anywayyy, today, I tidied up my office! I had a sudden must clean moment and before I knew it, I was sorting out all the papers, putting them into piles, putting them away, and placing my books on shelves. And in an hour or two, it was done. I had performed the tedious task that I had refused to do so many times before because of sheer slothfulness, and yes, I was proud of myself. The only things left to tidy up are my clothes pile and my bedroom).
Hahaha. It sounds like I'm going "Yup, I'm lazy. Be jealous." But I'm not. I am greatly ashamed of my behaviour. :D And poor you, you have no idea if I'm being sarcastic or not.
I made a miscalculation with my counting of the number of high school days I have left. I didn't know that we had no school on Tuesday. And I guess that means I didn't miscalculate; I made the correct calculations, just with the wrong information. So, I'm not dumb and lazy after all! Just lazy. :D Yay. Taking away Tuesday from the number of days left means only one thing...
High school days left: 4
The last 40 seconds of this song is nice, but the rest is kind of bumpy. Reminds me of Superman (It's Not Easy) by Five For Fighting, but that may just be me and my mooseyness.
Wednesday 4 October 2006
Feeling: Whispered
Listening to: The Ransom by Escape The Fate
Oh, God. It's happened. The time has finally come for me to be, once again, unsure about my future career. I was pretty confident I wanted to indulge in mass communications, and my most favoured area of the subject was journalism, which could further be divided between freelance and music journalism. But hell, there are so many elements shouting at me; pulling at my hair; telling me that I'm looking in the wrong direction.
The first element is my English teacher. I don't know, either my English teacher this year has a different way of marking essays then all my previous teachers, or my writing skills have completely disintegrated. Before this year, I could easily get As for my work. But now, my grades range between 60-90%. Something is very wrong. The thing about this teacher is that she unnecessarily deducts marks. On several occassions, she said that the word I used was wrong, either with spelling or grammar, but I showed her a bloody dictionary which instantly proved the word I used was indeed correct and used in the correct way, and her excuse for her mistake is that she couldn't read my handwriting, which is strange because everybody else could. And to make matters worse, she's stubborn. So, even after showing her she was wrong, she didn't compensate at all, and my marks remained the same. On another account, which I mentioned earlier this year, she marked my correct answer wrong, so I told her, and instead of apologizing and adding the missing marks, she accused me of cheating because how could she have missed it when it's written so clear. :[ At first, I took this as a hint that she's going through menopause. But now, I seriously think she has something against me. Or maybe I'm just paranoid because my dreams are being questioned and the career plan I had trusted in so well is proving itself faulty.
The second element is that there are so many good writers out there that I'm doubting I will even be noticed. I write best when I passionately love the topic, which is why I decided to become a music journalist and as the title suggests, write about music, as well as freelance, 'cause they say you need variation and I believe them. I'd have to have a specific style of writing, and I'm not sure if I have that. I used to believe I did, until of course, I was promoted to the fifth form.
The other elements consist of bits and pieces of things lost and returned, forgotten and remembered, loved and hated, and everything in between. For example, the fact that I have grown a fondness for biology. But I don't know if I adore it enough to make it a living. I'm so scared of making the wrong decisions, wasting thousands of dollars, and having it all end tragically with people in tears and blood and sweat and I exaggerate, but anything's possible.
"Never let a person make you believe that you're not good enough for what you want." It's from a movie, but I don't know what movie. It's stored with all my lines from movies I don't know the name of, or couldn't describe a scene from; I only know I watched it once upon a time. And I bring this line out every now and then when I need some reassurance on what I think I want.
Blogger has finally decided to let me try out their Beta version(they're slowly allowing more members to try it out, and eventually everyone will get the chance); it's actually pretty nice. And just to let you know, 'cause it seems that many of you don't, if you want to be linked, go to the mothersite(which isn't looking it's best at the moment), because I'm not going to have a link page on Broken Smile. Thought you would have figured it out by now.
Listening to: The Ransom by Escape The Fate
Oh, God. It's happened. The time has finally come for me to be, once again, unsure about my future career. I was pretty confident I wanted to indulge in mass communications, and my most favoured area of the subject was journalism, which could further be divided between freelance and music journalism. But hell, there are so many elements shouting at me; pulling at my hair; telling me that I'm looking in the wrong direction.
The first element is my English teacher. I don't know, either my English teacher this year has a different way of marking essays then all my previous teachers, or my writing skills have completely disintegrated. Before this year, I could easily get As for my work. But now, my grades range between 60-90%. Something is very wrong. The thing about this teacher is that she unnecessarily deducts marks. On several occassions, she said that the word I used was wrong, either with spelling or grammar, but I showed her a bloody dictionary which instantly proved the word I used was indeed correct and used in the correct way, and her excuse for her mistake is that she couldn't read my handwriting, which is strange because everybody else could. And to make matters worse, she's stubborn. So, even after showing her she was wrong, she didn't compensate at all, and my marks remained the same. On another account, which I mentioned earlier this year, she marked my correct answer wrong, so I told her, and instead of apologizing and adding the missing marks, she accused me of cheating because how could she have missed it when it's written so clear. :[ At first, I took this as a hint that she's going through menopause. But now, I seriously think she has something against me. Or maybe I'm just paranoid because my dreams are being questioned and the career plan I had trusted in so well is proving itself faulty.
The second element is that there are so many good writers out there that I'm doubting I will even be noticed. I write best when I passionately love the topic, which is why I decided to become a music journalist and as the title suggests, write about music, as well as freelance, 'cause they say you need variation and I believe them. I'd have to have a specific style of writing, and I'm not sure if I have that. I used to believe I did, until of course, I was promoted to the fifth form.
The other elements consist of bits and pieces of things lost and returned, forgotten and remembered, loved and hated, and everything in between. For example, the fact that I have grown a fondness for biology. But I don't know if I adore it enough to make it a living. I'm so scared of making the wrong decisions, wasting thousands of dollars, and having it all end tragically with people in tears and blood and sweat and I exaggerate, but anything's possible.
"Never let a person make you believe that you're not good enough for what you want." It's from a movie, but I don't know what movie. It's stored with all my lines from movies I don't know the name of, or couldn't describe a scene from; I only know I watched it once upon a time. And I bring this line out every now and then when I need some reassurance on what I think I want.
Blogger has finally decided to let me try out their Beta version(they're slowly allowing more members to try it out, and eventually everyone will get the chance); it's actually pretty nice. And just to let you know, 'cause it seems that many of you don't, if you want to be linked, go to the mothersite(which isn't looking it's best at the moment), because I'm not going to have a link page on Broken Smile. Thought you would have figured it out by now.
Monday 2 October 2006
Feeling: Sleepy
Listening to: Thing Of The Past by Gerhana Skacinta
First, I'm going to announce the obvious: I changed the layout again! It was annoying the hell out of me. I couldn't stand to look at it. And so, I made a new one, and this one has an even smaller reading area. Eeeeee.
Plus, I've been designing stuff lately, which is why I had an excuse to design a layout; if that's what you call it - designing. I can't tell you what I've been designing though, 'cause it's a secret. Haha. Only Lynz knows, and whoever takes my Friendster testimonials seriously. :]
High school days left: 8
Listening to: Thing Of The Past by Gerhana Skacinta
First, I'm going to announce the obvious: I changed the layout again! It was annoying the hell out of me. I couldn't stand to look at it. And so, I made a new one, and this one has an even smaller reading area. Eeeeee.
Plus, I've been designing stuff lately, which is why I had an excuse to design a layout; if that's what you call it - designing. I can't tell you what I've been designing though, 'cause it's a secret. Haha. Only Lynz knows, and whoever takes my Friendster testimonials seriously. :]
High school days left: 8
Sunday 1 October 2006
Feeling: Happy
Listening to: The Virus by Wan Long Kok
As promised, the previous entry has been deleted. The internet is no place for posts that are too personal, as was the one I deleted. It was up for 4 and a half hours, so if you managed to read it before the big kapoof, then congratulations; a part of my emotions that I don't explain to many people is with you.
Listening to: The Virus by Wan Long Kok
As promised, the previous entry has been deleted. The internet is no place for posts that are too personal, as was the one I deleted. It was up for 4 and a half hours, so if you managed to read it before the big kapoof, then congratulations; a part of my emotions that I don't explain to many people is with you.
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