Take Me Away

Feeling: Lonely
Listening to: Ambulance Romance by The Bled

Yeh. Just couldn't be bothered to blog the past few days. Since the 13th. Was just so damn lazy. Kick me.

So what can I say right now? I'm supposed to be sleeping now, but I couldn't. Heh. So I'm awake. Sitting around pretending I'm doing something really important. Pssh. I really have no life.

You know what... I just realized I'm a dumb ass bitch who needs to be kicked in the ass, and smacked across the head, until finally, yes FINALLY, sense gets knocked into her puny little brain. God. I'm feeling so stupid now. Oh yeah, and lonely. I feel... like a fraud. A stupid lonely fraud. I wonder how I can change things.

Ok. This post has absolutely no point. I just need something to do until my eyes finally decide they've had enough, and they pull my eyelids shut. Letting me drift off to my little world where everything is perfect, and none of this fake ass shit exists. Wow. How nice that would be.

I wish Moe was here in Brunei already. :( 2 more months to go. But that'll nearly be 1 month. Heh. I hate time. It moves too fast. And too slow when you want it to go fast. Like right now. It's 5AM. I want Strawberry to be here. Yeah, I thought a lot today. I realized I actually want him to tell me he doesn't like me. Hah. Faggot. I crawl in my own shit. How pitiful.

Bleed One More Time For Me...

Feeling: Blistered
Listening to: Bliss Tearing Eyes by Dead Poetic

So yesterday was Parents' Day. I got my Mid-Year Result Sheet back. Here they are as follows:

Art: 91%
Geography: 73%
History: 68%
Bahasa Melayu: 43%
English Language: 82%
Mathematics: 62%
Science: 76%
Commercial Studies: 72%
Computer Science: 72%
Melayu Islam Beraja: 66%
Basic Chinese: 86%

Truancy: 0 Periods
Personal Leave: 2 Periods
Sick Leave: 0 Periods
Late: 12 Periods

Notice I failed my Malay? And I got a 91% for Art? That's kind of scarey. I think the teacher likes me or something cause she asked me "You're not joining the Art exam?", I answered with "No." and she seemed disappointed, like she wanted to say "What a shame." Haha. Also, considering the fact that I was the only person in the class she asked to join that painting competition, I'll say there's not a huge doubt it's true.

Oh yes, and notice I was late only 12 periods. Haha. Believe it or not, that's actually an improvement. Hmm. Cool. I thought it was much more than that. Looks like the teachers might not be paying attention to who's present and who's not. Goody.

I'm bored. I'm feeling nervous but for no reason. I don't have any reason to be nervous, but I can feel the butterflies fluttering around in my tummy. Heh. Don't really like this feeling, but what the heck, it's all I've got. You know, I miss my sister. And I really want a hug now. Yeah, those past 5 sentences were just random thoughts coming out as I typed them.

I'm going to go find something to do. I'll be gone now. *Poof!

My Bed Has Become My Coffin

Feeling: Tired & hurt
Listening to: The One I Love by The Rasmus

Well, today was the 10th CHMS Sports Meet. And damn, am I tired. Even though I didn't run. Haha. Being a First Aider is tough work. Lots of people came. And even Danny kept coming back to get Wintogeno. Heh. That funny guy. Eheh. He's like Superman when he runs, you know. He won in all of the events he did. :) Groovy. A girl fainted, and she didn't wake up till ages later. Hmm. I didn't do that much but I did make some friends. Haha.

So I had to get to SOAS at 6:30 in the frikkin morning. Of course, I was late. Hyuk hyuk. I woke up at 4:30 though, and I was squirming around in my far too empty bed, trying to get back to sleep but there was this stabbing pain in my neck. On both sides of it, it felt like someone/thing was biting me. It hurt a lot. And then I started feeling hungry. Haha. I eventually managed to get back to sleep then I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing at 5:30AM. It was Farianne. Eheh. Finding out what pants I was going to wear. Eheh. But I thank her for waking me up. Otherwise, I'd have been even later.

The Sports Day thing ended at around 6:30PM from what I heard. That's like 12 hours for those poor kids. Heh. Lucky I left an hour early. Yeah, at around 7AM, this real... statement-making looking person walked by the gate. :) He was cute. I mean, I couldn't tell, he was too far away. But I liked his style. Haha. I'm weird. Was just wondering what he was doing awake at 7 in the morning. Hmm. The only reason I'm telling you about this is because I'm having that feeling I had in the last blog, the feeling like I haven't done something when I should. In this case, it was knowing that guy. Heh. I don't know why. But I felt like he was gonna flick me off anyway. Then after what seemed like thousands of hours, he passed by again, this time with 2 of his friends. Heh. They were awesomely ... atractive to my eyes. Yeah, so everyone else was asking "are they human?" I didn't care. Haha. Pity I'll never get to know who they are. And I have a feeling I'll never see them again. Heh.

But whatever, I really have nothing to talk about since I'm talking about strangers. There were these nice looking people running in the invitation race too. Yeh. They looked nice. 'Cept for the fact that I noticed one of them had an Eminem band around his left hand, so I'm guessing he's a hip-hopy person. Hmm. They got 2nd in the relay race. Yes. This has nothing to do with anything. I'm just telling you about my taste in guys. Haha. Bite me.

Guess that's all I can do. I hate mentioning these kind of things, but he broke up with me last night. Or was it me? It was the both of us. I don't really know what happened. I coudln't think at that time. I just accepted what he threw at me, and it was a break up. Eheh. Guess it's for the best though, since he said sometimes he felt like he didn't even have a girlfriend. Well, Sue-Anne, hope you're happy now.

At the end of the day, I'm feeling so f*cking tired. So worn out. Now I need a massage. And I'm sunburnt too. Heh. Should have put on that sunblock. Ah well, I'm a lobster now. Haha. Red house got 1st, then was Yellow. Followed by Blue and Green. Or something like that. I didn't stay through the whole thing remember?

Danny kept flashing cheeky looks at me. Haha. So I shot him back and equally cheeky look. Sometimes I wonder what's going on in that puny head of his.

Wow. I just realized I didn't even mention anything about MG Guy. Heh. That's his code name. Stupid, I know. His real name's Jesmond. Anyway, guess I'm really over him. Huahaha. But I knew I never really liked him in the first place. And life goes on.

I Want You To Want Me

Feeling: Irritable
Listening to: I Want You To Want Me by NOFX

I've been a naughty girl, haven't blogged in ages. So lets just have a flash back of what happened, shall we? I'm sure you don't want to, but heck, I'm dragging you along with me anyway!

On Friday, me and Farianne went to the Red Crescent headquarters in bandar to get our certificates. We were so scared when we realized we were late. We actually thought they were gonna be strict, but damn, it was the opposite. We climbed the stairs leading to the open door. Then we raced back down again. Laughing, we went back up. Very slowly, might I add. We were scared. Haha. I don't know why really. But we eventually made it up the stairs into the meeting room. There was this logbook there. Didn't know what it was when I wrote both our names in it, but then I realized I'd just signed into joining the meeting, when we were only there for the certificates. Anyway, at the meeting we did 'kawad', or marching. It was SO tiring. And when it finally finished I was just so relieved. After it all, we finally got our certificates, they called them result slips though, so I'm guessing that's all they were.

We rode the bus home, which was OK I guess. There was a really nice guy on the bus, he didn't speak English though. He was racing after the bus when it was coming to our bus stop. Hehe. And I accidently took his bus ticket when I took mine and Far's. The bus was packed! There were no free seats. The dude running after the bus though, sat in the front thingie. It's not really a seat, but you can sit there. So me and Far were standing, I was so tired though, so I squated down. The guy saw me struggling, and moved over, and let me sit next to him. I thought it was very nice of him. Haha. Yeah, then when he and his friend left the bus, he said "duduk sini." as his friend's seat was a real seat. So I just think it was really nice of him. And you know that feeling like you should have done something, but you didn't? That's what I was feeling.

Moving on, Saturday went by slowly, so I'll skip that. All I know is I'm feeling so very regretful. So shameful and... deceiving. Heh. I need someone to smack me across the head and knock me back to reality.

I painted a picture today. It was of two butterflies, one blue and yellow, and the other green, yellow and black, flying around a field of dandelions. But you can't really tell it's a field cause it's a close up of the butterflies. They're flying around at night, which I think is very serene. Yes, I like using that word now. Haha. Serene. It's nice. And it has a nice meaning too. So yeah, I did it at night, because I like controversy. Since I never see butterflies at night, I'm suspecting they only fly around at day.

And for some reason, I'm not feeling very happy. Kind of sad actually. Even though Moe, my wall that manages to make me hyper all the time, is online. And the only song I want to listen to right now is the one playing. I Want You To Want Me. Eheh. Yeah, the reason why I'm sad could be because I'm confused about Strawberry and Zimmy. They're both acting suspicious and I'm so clueless. Hmm. Might just be my paranoia though.

I'm trying to right a story as well. It might turn into a paperback book one day too, if I ever finish it. Haha. It's supposed to be a murder story. And it's called 'Heartless'. I don't want to reveal too much though, just so I don't ruin the surprise. ;) I gotta go. It's getting very late. Nite happy people.