Feeling: Tired
Listening to: 99 With An Anchor by A Thorn For Every Heart
Essay writing progress report.
26th February, 10:12PM - 220 words. 780 or more to go.
26th February, 10:43PM - 424 words. 576 or more to go.
26th February, 10:49PM - 431 words. 569 or more to go.
26th February, 11:06PM - 516 words. 484 or more to go.
27th February, 12:26AM - 574 words. 426 or more to go.
27th February, 12:41AM - 591 words. 409 or more to go.
27th February, 12:46AM - 531 words. 469 or more to go.
27th February, 01:02AM - 585 words. 415 or more to go.
27th February, 01:11AM - 607 words. 393 or more to go.
27th February, 01:24AM - 618 words. 382 or more to go.
And then I gave up because I was sleepy and the internet refused to reconnect.
You see that part between 11:06PM and 12:26PM, I didn't type much? The cow came online, and I couldn't concentrate anymore. Heee. I used e-messenger for the first time and let me tell you, it is a bitch to use. :)
And that bit where the amount of words decreased, 12:41AM to 12:46AM. Hahaha. Well, I had one paragraph of irrelevant details, so I just cut that whole paragraph out. I mean, does renewable power resources have anything to do with economic diversification? I have no idea. :) Email me and tell meeee.
I think I'm going to just pass it up tomorrow, I'll say I left it at home or something.
Oh, look. The internet's working again, but I can't be fucked writing anything when I'm in this state of mind: Bleusdkfbkwbesgegfyudfge.
HAHA. And the internet is off again. I'm writing this in Notepad, and I'll post it tomorrow because I have no life.
"Unable to connect to wireless network. Windows could not connect to the 'SMC' network. Windows will keep trying to connect." Good, Windows.
27th February, 01:33AM - Save and shut down.
Continued, Essay writing progress report.
27th February, 11:59PM - 666 words. 334 or more to go.
28th February, 12:08AM - 715 words. 285 or more to go.
28th February, 12:27AM - 768 words. 232 or more to go.
28th February, 12:31AM - 775 words. 225 or more to go.
28th February, 12:46AM - 785 words. 215 or more to go.
28th February, 01:00AM - 819 words. 181 or more to go.
28th February, 01:06AM - 857 words. 143 or more to go.
28th February, 01:37AM - 931 words. 69 or more to go.
28th February, 01:40AM - 956 words. 44 or more to go.
28th February, 01:54AM - 993 words. 7 or more to go.
28th February, 02:03AM - 1,002 words. Nil to go.
Finally.
You want out, you want out.
Sunday 26 February 2006
Feeling: Fatuous
Listening to: I'm Not Pretending by Red Lipstick Letter
Are you alright? Your hands are cold.
I'm doing my essay. Or trying to do it. Or pretending to do it. Whichever you'd like to believe I am doing. :) I was up until 4:30AM this morning trying to write the BASE essay because my teacher already asked me(with a stern face, might I add) for it. And and and I haven't really finished it yet, or started it for that matter. I have no inspiration. Give me inspiration.
At school yesterday, Far didn't come, so I spent my time learning new words from Muizz and Josh, and drawing strange pictures with no real shape with Aaron. So, what are these words that the boys taught me? Fellatio and cunnilingus with meanings too vile to post here. So look it up yourself, for the sake of education.
I watched part one of Anne Rice's the Feast Of All Saints. I cried at the part where Marcel's father slashed Marcel's face with the whip after he went to him because he realized what a bastard his father was. His blood was streaming down, and I just cried because it was so sad. :( I was going to watch part two, but my brother changed the channel and so scatch that idea right off the page.
If you don't know what fatuous means, it means meaningless. :) So, yes, I think fatuous is good enough to describe how I'm feeling. I feel like nothing matters, and everything I do is worth nothing, so very fatuous. I wish something would matter. I honestly, don't like this feeling, even though it's similar to feeling empty, and being empty doesn't hurt; it's just numb, but who likes being numb?
I'm not alright, my mouth is dry.
I want to run away into the night, go to the beach and just stare at the nightsky filed with stars. Sit there, talking for hours, with someone who'd care that much, and when the time comes, watch the sunrise together, knowing that even when the moment ends and you have to go home, it will live forever as the most precious and inseperable bit of your memory. But maybe that only happens in movies.
Congratulations, I Hate You by Alesana says:
No one ever said that life was fair and I'm not saying that it should be.
So, knowing that you are where you want to be, and I'm not comes as no surprise.
But don't expect me to be happy for you, and don't smile at me and tell me things will work out for me, too.
I don't want your pity... I hate your pity.
That just defines what fatuousity is(even though that word isn't in existance), and how defeat feels.
Listening to: I'm Not Pretending by Red Lipstick Letter
Are you alright? Your hands are cold.
I'm doing my essay. Or trying to do it. Or pretending to do it. Whichever you'd like to believe I am doing. :) I was up until 4:30AM this morning trying to write the BASE essay because my teacher already asked me(with a stern face, might I add) for it. And and and I haven't really finished it yet, or started it for that matter. I have no inspiration. Give me inspiration.
At school yesterday, Far didn't come, so I spent my time learning new words from Muizz and Josh, and drawing strange pictures with no real shape with Aaron. So, what are these words that the boys taught me? Fellatio and cunnilingus with meanings too vile to post here. So look it up yourself, for the sake of education.
I watched part one of Anne Rice's the Feast Of All Saints. I cried at the part where Marcel's father slashed Marcel's face with the whip after he went to him because he realized what a bastard his father was. His blood was streaming down, and I just cried because it was so sad. :( I was going to watch part two, but my brother changed the channel and so scatch that idea right off the page.
If you don't know what fatuous means, it means meaningless. :) So, yes, I think fatuous is good enough to describe how I'm feeling. I feel like nothing matters, and everything I do is worth nothing, so very fatuous. I wish something would matter. I honestly, don't like this feeling, even though it's similar to feeling empty, and being empty doesn't hurt; it's just numb, but who likes being numb?
I'm not alright, my mouth is dry.
I want to run away into the night, go to the beach and just stare at the nightsky filed with stars. Sit there, talking for hours, with someone who'd care that much, and when the time comes, watch the sunrise together, knowing that even when the moment ends and you have to go home, it will live forever as the most precious and inseperable bit of your memory. But maybe that only happens in movies.
Congratulations, I Hate You by Alesana says:
No one ever said that life was fair and I'm not saying that it should be.
So, knowing that you are where you want to be, and I'm not comes as no surprise.
But don't expect me to be happy for you, and don't smile at me and tell me things will work out for me, too.
I don't want your pity... I hate your pity.
That just defines what fatuousity is(even though that word isn't in existance), and how defeat feels.
Friday 24 February 2006
Feeling: Sleepy
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
After 2 days of listening to the radio so I could find out how to request for songs, and after 2 days of sending requests to Kristal only to get no song(Kristal can bite my ass), my request for A Fat Guy Wrote A Song About A Girl by the Airholes was finally entertained on Pelangi! And you have no idea how excited I was, but fuckk, when I heard the scream "Blame youuuuu" I was going crazy. And the DJ, he said something like "I don't know the name of this one, but this is for the moose, the panda, the cow and the bat". HAHAHAHAHA. Priceless. How fucking rad is that? :) Very. That made my day. Even though it happened at 11:20PM, it just did what should have been done. And I think I annoyed a few people with "The Airholes are on Pelangi! Hahahahaha." because of my psycho-hyperactivity because "the moose" was said on the radio, and I'm sorry about that. \m/ Woot.
I just have to say this. Psycho groupie, cocaine crazy.
Songs sound better on the radio. Names sound better on the radio, said by some stranger.
I've come to the conclusion that you are psychopathic. It's the only logical explanation as to why you would act the way you did, and not feel ashamed or sorry about it. Psychopath: Mentally deranged person, especially social behaviour; Mentally or emotionally unstable person. Psychopaths don't respond emotionally like a normal person. For instance, if you say "I love you" to a psychopath, it means nothing more to them than "I want some coffee." Yes, that is you.
Watching people play hockey, singing to the Used and Fall Out Boy as if we're singing for each other, and talking so comfortably about how much life sucks is beautiful. It just is.
Menopause.
Menstrual pain.
Mental illness.
Guynecologist.
Histerectomy.
Ever noticed that all women's problems start with a man?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
After 2 days of listening to the radio so I could find out how to request for songs, and after 2 days of sending requests to Kristal only to get no song(Kristal can bite my ass), my request for A Fat Guy Wrote A Song About A Girl by the Airholes was finally entertained on Pelangi! And you have no idea how excited I was, but fuckk, when I heard the scream "Blame youuuuu" I was going crazy. And the DJ, he said something like "I don't know the name of this one, but this is for the moose, the panda, the cow and the bat". HAHAHAHAHA. Priceless. How fucking rad is that? :) Very. That made my day. Even though it happened at 11:20PM, it just did what should have been done. And I think I annoyed a few people with "The Airholes are on Pelangi! Hahahahaha." because of my psycho-hyperactivity because "the moose" was said on the radio, and I'm sorry about that. \m/ Woot.
I just have to say this. Psycho groupie, cocaine crazy.
Songs sound better on the radio. Names sound better on the radio, said by some stranger.
I've come to the conclusion that you are psychopathic. It's the only logical explanation as to why you would act the way you did, and not feel ashamed or sorry about it. Psychopath: Mentally deranged person, especially social behaviour; Mentally or emotionally unstable person. Psychopaths don't respond emotionally like a normal person. For instance, if you say "I love you" to a psychopath, it means nothing more to them than "I want some coffee." Yes, that is you.
Watching people play hockey, singing to the Used and Fall Out Boy as if we're singing for each other, and talking so comfortably about how much life sucks is beautiful. It just is.
Menopause.
Menstrual pain.
Mental illness.
Guynecologist.
Histerectomy.
Ever noticed that all women's problems start with a man?
Wednesday 22 February 2006
Listening to: Red Drops Of Happiness by Airholes
I don't know how to write anything other than the first paragraph, and even with that, I'm re-reading it and editing it and then un-editing it and it's making me crazy. I'm talking about that BASE essay thing. GAAAAAA.
Yesterday, me and Far finished our lunch early, so we had like 10 minutes left on our lunch break. We were hanging around the corridor outside our classroom and then I found some chalk, and I was like "Ooh! Chalk." Then, I had this awesome idea to put chalk on the door handle, so that whoever opened the door got green chalky hands. :D It was the best idea ever, and even though it got really lame because everytime someone touched it, I had to go put more chalk on the handle, Far and I were laughing like crazy. We managed to trick 8 people I think. And some of them did it repeatedly, which only made us giggle even crazier. So, they all had green fingers. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. No, I'm not immature, no.
And my mum knows what kind of music I listen to. I said a little something to my brother like "Do you like metal music?" And my mum goes "That's you, isn't it? You like metal music." Hahahaha. Awesome.
The things you do for music. You can't get Airholes mp3s off Purevolume, so I recorded their songs on Sound Recorder. Hahahaha. :D It's nearly just as good cause I turned the volume up to the maximum level when I was recording, and I did get a few scoldings from my uncle but, you know, it's all just worth it. \m/
Oh, guess who called my name out of a car window today? Jay Chou. Haha. :)
To the biggest liar in the world, go ahead with another girl. You know, you're going nowhere.
I don't know how to write anything other than the first paragraph, and even with that, I'm re-reading it and editing it and then un-editing it and it's making me crazy. I'm talking about that BASE essay thing. GAAAAAA.
Yesterday, me and Far finished our lunch early, so we had like 10 minutes left on our lunch break. We were hanging around the corridor outside our classroom and then I found some chalk, and I was like "Ooh! Chalk." Then, I had this awesome idea to put chalk on the door handle, so that whoever opened the door got green chalky hands. :D It was the best idea ever, and even though it got really lame because everytime someone touched it, I had to go put more chalk on the handle, Far and I were laughing like crazy. We managed to trick 8 people I think. And some of them did it repeatedly, which only made us giggle even crazier. So, they all had green fingers. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. No, I'm not immature, no.
And my mum knows what kind of music I listen to. I said a little something to my brother like "Do you like metal music?" And my mum goes "That's you, isn't it? You like metal music." Hahahaha. Awesome.
The things you do for music. You can't get Airholes mp3s off Purevolume, so I recorded their songs on Sound Recorder. Hahahaha. :D It's nearly just as good cause I turned the volume up to the maximum level when I was recording, and I did get a few scoldings from my uncle but, you know, it's all just worth it. \m/
Oh, guess who called my name out of a car window today? Jay Chou. Haha. :)
To the biggest liar in the world, go ahead with another girl. You know, you're going nowhere.
Tuesday 21 February 2006
Feeling: Happy
Listening to: You Can't Stop Me by Guano Apes
:) You won't beat me. I'm better than that. And I don't need you, nobody needs you. One day karma and so much more will come around to kick you in the balls. You can't make them want you, they're all just laughing.
I love people who are not like you. And certain people I'm too shy to mention because of prejudice and wrong impressions. Heee.
I've been recommended by my English teacher to write a composition for the BASE essay-writing competition. Heeee. I don't do well with factual essays, there are people better than me at this but I guess she has her reasons for choosing me. What they would be, I have no idea. :)
Oh, shit. Airholes new songs are just fucking gorgeous. <3
I'm hungry. Nevermind, I typed that sentence ages ago and I just ate. I want chocolate. Haha. :)
Listening to: You Can't Stop Me by Guano Apes
:) You won't beat me. I'm better than that. And I don't need you, nobody needs you. One day karma and so much more will come around to kick you in the balls. You can't make them want you, they're all just laughing.
I love people who are not like you. And certain people I'm too shy to mention because of prejudice and wrong impressions. Heee.
I've been recommended by my English teacher to write a composition for the BASE essay-writing competition. Heeee. I don't do well with factual essays, there are people better than me at this but I guess she has her reasons for choosing me. What they would be, I have no idea. :)
Oh, shit. Airholes new songs are just fucking gorgeous. <3
I'm hungry. Nevermind, I typed that sentence ages ago and I just ate. I want chocolate. Haha. :)
Sunday 19 February 2006
Saturday 18 February 2006
Thursday 16 February 2006
Feeling: Annoyed
Listening to: Post Shave Healer by Taking Back Sunday
Me: Who are you?
Her: I'm his girlfriend.
Me: You're his girlfriend? Since when?
Her: Since October 2005.
Then I ran out of credit, and I thought about those last words, while I was shaking because I was so angry. I checked last year's diary. And, fuck yes, that was the time when Prince was being a dickhead, the time he made me cry for two hours straight(which he didn't care about) and get Urtacaria because of the outburst of emotion(which he also didn't give a fuck about) all because he didn't want to contact me/see me/tell me anything about why he didn't want to talk to me. He had problems he didn't want to tell me about, and he also said he wanted to go back with his ex. Anyway, I found a phone and called her back.
Her:Sorry I finished your credit. Anyway, I said, I've been his girlfriend since October 2005.
Me: Really? Are you sure? Because I was still with him then.
Her: What? He told me you guys broke up in February 2005.
Me: That's not true. We just broke up a few days ago.
Her: Oh my God, that fucking liar.
That conversation progressed and I found out everything I needed to know to fill in the so many blank spaces you'd left me because you never answered my questions. That was annoying. I'd ask you something, and you'd tell me something else about something I didn't ask from you.
You never knew what to do when I cried, this wasn't often and yet, you still did not know what to do, and you were the main reason why I ever cried. You were never there for me, why did you expect me to want to stay? I felt used and invisible, but I still loved you more than I should have. You're a liar, I hate you and you, of all people, should know it by now.
I want to drive a screwdriver through your head, because you deserve it. And you were the first person I thought I actually loved. It's gone now, because you were greedy. You just had to do it, huh. FUCKHEAD. I hope you die crying.
I learnt a new word today. CURANG.
Listening to: Post Shave Healer by Taking Back Sunday
Me: Who are you?
Her: I'm his girlfriend.
Me: You're his girlfriend? Since when?
Her: Since October 2005.
Then I ran out of credit, and I thought about those last words, while I was shaking because I was so angry. I checked last year's diary. And, fuck yes, that was the time when Prince was being a dickhead, the time he made me cry for two hours straight(which he didn't care about) and get Urtacaria because of the outburst of emotion(which he also didn't give a fuck about) all because he didn't want to contact me/see me/tell me anything about why he didn't want to talk to me. He had problems he didn't want to tell me about, and he also said he wanted to go back with his ex. Anyway, I found a phone and called her back.
Her:Sorry I finished your credit. Anyway, I said, I've been his girlfriend since October 2005.
Me: Really? Are you sure? Because I was still with him then.
Her: What? He told me you guys broke up in February 2005.
Me: That's not true. We just broke up a few days ago.
Her: Oh my God, that fucking liar.
That conversation progressed and I found out everything I needed to know to fill in the so many blank spaces you'd left me because you never answered my questions. That was annoying. I'd ask you something, and you'd tell me something else about something I didn't ask from you.
You never knew what to do when I cried, this wasn't often and yet, you still did not know what to do, and you were the main reason why I ever cried. You were never there for me, why did you expect me to want to stay? I felt used and invisible, but I still loved you more than I should have. You're a liar, I hate you and you, of all people, should know it by now.
I want to drive a screwdriver through your head, because you deserve it. And you were the first person I thought I actually loved. It's gone now, because you were greedy. You just had to do it, huh. FUCKHEAD. I hope you die crying.
I learnt a new word today. CURANG.
Wednesday 15 February 2006
Feeling: Angry
Listening to: A Vague Memory by A Change Of Pace
I never thought you could do this, but look, you have. It just seems so surreal. And I hate you for this and everything that comes with it. I hate you for the lies, the constant lies. What did you think you were doing? You're a selfish bastard and I hope you die soon. I don't care, kill yourself. I feel so stupid for trusting you as much as I did. You're the biggest asshole I know. kinqakuja_29@hotmail.com, go fuck yourself.
You know what makes me laugh, the fact that I was considering returning to you and that I felt bad I left you like that, lucky some people are smarter than me. I don't want to see you again, but if I do, I'd really like to punch you in the face. Am I supposed to hate you this much? It's frustrating. And I thought I'd done some bad things, but, darling, if you'll let me be the judge, what you've done is so much worse.
I'm kicking myself that I shared spit with you. So, fuck you and fuck this bleeding heart of mine.
Listening to: A Vague Memory by A Change Of Pace
I never thought you could do this, but look, you have. It just seems so surreal. And I hate you for this and everything that comes with it. I hate you for the lies, the constant lies. What did you think you were doing? You're a selfish bastard and I hope you die soon. I don't care, kill yourself. I feel so stupid for trusting you as much as I did. You're the biggest asshole I know. kinqakuja_29@hotmail.com, go fuck yourself.
You know what makes me laugh, the fact that I was considering returning to you and that I felt bad I left you like that, lucky some people are smarter than me. I don't want to see you again, but if I do, I'd really like to punch you in the face. Am I supposed to hate you this much? It's frustrating. And I thought I'd done some bad things, but, darling, if you'll let me be the judge, what you've done is so much worse.
I'm kicking myself that I shared spit with you. So, fuck you and fuck this bleeding heart of mine.
Tuesday 14 February 2006
Feeling: Sleepy
Listening to: I'm Not Pretending by Red Lipstick Letter
I had to give a speech today, and it was the stupidest thing I'd ever had to do in front of 41 people staring at me(except for my other speeches). Heeeeeeee. We'd been given our speech topics last week and mine was "The war on terrorism must be the concern of every country around the world. How far do you agree with this?" Haha. Fuck you. My English teacher was going to pick people on random, but sure as hell, speeches would start today, and I bet she chose me to go today on purpose. I didn't prepare for it, I never do. And the lucky thing is before I left for school this morning, I quickly did a google search and I quickly browsed through ONE webpage. So I had like 2 points. Hahaha. It's better than none, I guess, but it's still embarrassing the way I don't know how to talk in front of people I've known for years. HEHE. There are 41 students in my class, WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE PICK ME TODAY?
Gahhhh.
From that band search I did, I've concluded that Far-Less is an alright band. I also found an okay band by accident while searching for Last Winter called Red Lipstick Letter.
I'm so lost, I forgot I had a phone today.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Listening to: I'm Not Pretending by Red Lipstick Letter
I had to give a speech today, and it was the stupidest thing I'd ever had to do in front of 41 people staring at me(except for my other speeches). Heeeeeeee. We'd been given our speech topics last week and mine was "The war on terrorism must be the concern of every country around the world. How far do you agree with this?" Haha. Fuck you. My English teacher was going to pick people on random, but sure as hell, speeches would start today, and I bet she chose me to go today on purpose. I didn't prepare for it, I never do. And the lucky thing is before I left for school this morning, I quickly did a google search and I quickly browsed through ONE webpage. So I had like 2 points. Hahaha. It's better than none, I guess, but it's still embarrassing the way I don't know how to talk in front of people I've known for years. HEHE. There are 41 students in my class, WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE PICK ME TODAY?
Gahhhh.
From that band search I did, I've concluded that Far-Less is an alright band. I also found an okay band by accident while searching for Last Winter called Red Lipstick Letter.
I'm so lost, I forgot I had a phone today.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Monday 13 February 2006
Feeling: Selfish
Watching: Monk
And this is why the Lyndsay Diaries is so pretty.
Control of the situation fell through my fingers. I heard her say, "You can't keep living as if your dying" Well, I'm dying. - Emergency
And now the candles are burning low, and the snow is leaving just as it came. We're left with a new world, and I'm not sure that I fit into it. - A Farewell To Autumn
Today the sun burned away at my face and i just let it burn. Another angel turned her back on me. She folded her wings and hung her head. God, you gave me this heart but I was wondering if I could trade it in. I wail and I weep for I can not sleep for I stare at the ghosts of my own design.
Driving past the quiet steeples in the night. I harbor these tears in my eyes. She thinks she is hearing sounds in the night and I am fighting just to sleep. And I wail and I weep. - A Self Portrait
I just don't want to be a cowboy anymore. So I'll follow the smoke to the coast and just sit in traffic for hours. I'll just sit with my thoughts. I think that I could watch the waves all day. So darlin' follow me out there. We'll make a new life. We'll send word to our parents. - Cowboy
Watered down emotions don't cater well to the dissident heart. And staring glances only make a heart wander. I think I'll throw these emotions to the wind, and let them scatter, just let them scatter.
The good guy never wins. Don't you see it's not me in your arms. So don't try and tell me differently. I'm not impartial to a sacrificed romance. Based on feelings blowing in the breeze.
I'll reject the moon and the night altogether. Listen to the music, just try to understand the afternoon. Maybe I'll just sit here for forever until I die. And maybe the night will never come. - Dear Lyndsay, No Regrets
Watching: Monk
And this is why the Lyndsay Diaries is so pretty.
Control of the situation fell through my fingers. I heard her say, "You can't keep living as if your dying" Well, I'm dying. - Emergency
And now the candles are burning low, and the snow is leaving just as it came. We're left with a new world, and I'm not sure that I fit into it. - A Farewell To Autumn
Today the sun burned away at my face and i just let it burn. Another angel turned her back on me. She folded her wings and hung her head. God, you gave me this heart but I was wondering if I could trade it in. I wail and I weep for I can not sleep for I stare at the ghosts of my own design.
Driving past the quiet steeples in the night. I harbor these tears in my eyes. She thinks she is hearing sounds in the night and I am fighting just to sleep. And I wail and I weep. - A Self Portrait
I just don't want to be a cowboy anymore. So I'll follow the smoke to the coast and just sit in traffic for hours. I'll just sit with my thoughts. I think that I could watch the waves all day. So darlin' follow me out there. We'll make a new life. We'll send word to our parents. - Cowboy
Watered down emotions don't cater well to the dissident heart. And staring glances only make a heart wander. I think I'll throw these emotions to the wind, and let them scatter, just let them scatter.
The good guy never wins. Don't you see it's not me in your arms. So don't try and tell me differently. I'm not impartial to a sacrificed romance. Based on feelings blowing in the breeze.
I'll reject the moon and the night altogether. Listen to the music, just try to understand the afternoon. Maybe I'll just sit here for forever until I die. And maybe the night will never come. - Dear Lyndsay, No Regrets
Sunday 12 February 2006
Saturday 11 February 2006
Listening to: It Sounds Prettier In Spanish by Name Taken
I'm eating reheated curry puffs and the taste is nostalgic. Why would I use nostalgic for a taste? Well, because the taste seems like something from the past that I haven't had in a long time and there you go. I like curry puffs.
The strangest thing happened today. My mum woke me up at 8AM and asked "Do you know what the time is? Are you still going to school?" And I said "What? HAHAHA. No." and I went back to sleep. That's never happened before. I mean, I've woken up late, but not so late I miss school. And I bet people think I have a really good reason for not going to school today. Hehehehehe. I feel so mischeavious.
I'm downloading random bands because I need new music. Depserately. I need a band that I will fall in love with immediately. :) Any suggestions?
I'm eating reheated curry puffs and the taste is nostalgic. Why would I use nostalgic for a taste? Well, because the taste seems like something from the past that I haven't had in a long time and there you go. I like curry puffs.
The strangest thing happened today. My mum woke me up at 8AM and asked "Do you know what the time is? Are you still going to school?" And I said "What? HAHAHA. No." and I went back to sleep. That's never happened before. I mean, I've woken up late, but not so late I miss school. And I bet people think I have a really good reason for not going to school today. Hehehehehe. I feel so mischeavious.
I'm downloading random bands because I need new music. Depserately. I need a band that I will fall in love with immediately. :) Any suggestions?
Friday 10 February 2006
Feeling: Sleepy
Listening to: Stay With Me by Red Lipstick Letter
Someone texted me just now using an Australian number and all it said was "Moo! I'm a cow." Hahaha. Awesome. I just don't know who the sender is, some kind of cow, I think.
Speaking of cows, I haven't chatted with mine for 4/5 days. It's killing me, but it's okay, because I know when I finally do get to chat with him, he'll make it all better. Haha. Oh, and that someone in the hospital will be free from all medical spookiness in 2 days. That's good news, right?
Oh! He's on now. Hahaha.
When I see you it stings to the fact that we might have something that will never happen.
Listening to: Stay With Me by Red Lipstick Letter
Someone texted me just now using an Australian number and all it said was "Moo! I'm a cow." Hahaha. Awesome. I just don't know who the sender is, some kind of cow, I think.
Speaking of cows, I haven't chatted with mine for 4/5 days. It's killing me, but it's okay, because I know when I finally do get to chat with him, he'll make it all better. Haha. Oh, and that someone in the hospital will be free from all medical spookiness in 2 days. That's good news, right?
Oh! He's on now. Hahaha.
When I see you it stings to the fact that we might have something that will never happen.
Thursday 9 February 2006
Feeling: Hopeless
Listening to: Emily by From First To Last
Well, you know how my emotions are very delayed when it involves death, maybe you don't but let's assume you do. Last night I cried myself to sleep. :) It was good actually, that finally my emotions decide to show themselves and give at least a little hope that I might be human. Maybe it's psychopathic, or maybe this is just how I deal with these kind of things. Like when Pop died, I was just like "Oh." And 2 days later, I realized that dead means not living, and I figured out I'd never see him again, and that was it, no turning back, no time for regrets or wishing that you could go back in time just to try a little harder to get to know that person, you never gave them a chance, but it's too late. And you can only feel guilty. It sucks, but this is life, and we come and go so easily it's saddening. And so I cry like the cry baby I am. I cried until my nose was blocked and my eyes turned into slits.
I think this is one of those rare times where I'm not the one who's being left behind. I'm the one who will be leaving, and it's all for the good of everyone else. I wish I didn't have to, but you know it's necessary. <3 Love is just an excuse to hurt and be hurt. Do you like to hurt? I do, I do. Then hurt me.
It takes a while for me to think straight, so when people offer to help think for me, or sort of do it without even realizing it, I'm thankful. :) I love you people. Zyy. Far. My sister.
Something's happening on Sunday and I wonder if I should be feeling as guilty as I am for having fun when he's in trouble.
I do care for him. But there is no us. 29137 no more. I wish I could apologise but I can't face you. I'm a coward.
This time, letting go is all we can do to move on.
(This was all a little too personal. I'm sorry. HAHA.)
Listening to: Emily by From First To Last
Well, you know how my emotions are very delayed when it involves death, maybe you don't but let's assume you do. Last night I cried myself to sleep. :) It was good actually, that finally my emotions decide to show themselves and give at least a little hope that I might be human. Maybe it's psychopathic, or maybe this is just how I deal with these kind of things. Like when Pop died, I was just like "Oh." And 2 days later, I realized that dead means not living, and I figured out I'd never see him again, and that was it, no turning back, no time for regrets or wishing that you could go back in time just to try a little harder to get to know that person, you never gave them a chance, but it's too late. And you can only feel guilty. It sucks, but this is life, and we come and go so easily it's saddening. And so I cry like the cry baby I am. I cried until my nose was blocked and my eyes turned into slits.
I think this is one of those rare times where I'm not the one who's being left behind. I'm the one who will be leaving, and it's all for the good of everyone else. I wish I didn't have to, but you know it's necessary. <3 Love is just an excuse to hurt and be hurt. Do you like to hurt? I do, I do. Then hurt me.
It takes a while for me to think straight, so when people offer to help think for me, or sort of do it without even realizing it, I'm thankful. :) I love you people. Zyy. Far. My sister.
Something's happening on Sunday and I wonder if I should be feeling as guilty as I am for having fun when he's in trouble.
I do care for him. But there is no us. 29137 no more. I wish I could apologise but I can't face you. I'm a coward.
This time, letting go is all we can do to move on.
(This was all a little too personal. I'm sorry. HAHA.)
Wednesday 8 February 2006
Feeling: Torn
Listening to: Cries In Vain by Bullet For My Valentine
I think the only reason why I didn't believe it actually happened yesterday was because I didn't want it to be true; it didn't feel like reality. But now, it all seems so believable. Someone(and I won't mention who because that's just inappropriate) I care about is in the hospital because of an intentional overdose, and who would have thought this person would do such a thing? And now people are angry at me, or would be if they knew why he'd dare do this. Why? Why would you torture the people that love you like this? I really hope he leaves the hospital alright, this event will scar me for life.
I used to make the light shine for you, the sun has left my sky.
Listening to: Cries In Vain by Bullet For My Valentine
I think the only reason why I didn't believe it actually happened yesterday was because I didn't want it to be true; it didn't feel like reality. But now, it all seems so believable. Someone(and I won't mention who because that's just inappropriate) I care about is in the hospital because of an intentional overdose, and who would have thought this person would do such a thing? And now people are angry at me, or would be if they knew why he'd dare do this. Why? Why would you torture the people that love you like this? I really hope he leaves the hospital alright, this event will scar me for life.
I used to make the light shine for you, the sun has left my sky.
Tuesday 7 February 2006
Feeling: Confused
Listening to: Pretty Plays For Baby by Saosin
Something very bad happened, if it really did happen, and now there are people in hospital and it's because of me, they say.
All I could do was close my eyes, and cross my heart, and hope to die cause you don't fucking listen when I'm around.
Listening to: Pretty Plays For Baby by Saosin
Something very bad happened, if it really did happen, and now there are people in hospital and it's because of me, they say.
All I could do was close my eyes, and cross my heart, and hope to die cause you don't fucking listen when I'm around.
Saturday 4 February 2006
Feeling: Shtoopid
Listening to: I've Been Dying To Reach You by Saosin
You're so dumb. I hate you. Hahaha. Why? Because it's all my fault, so I guess it's me who's the dumb one. I've gotten myself into so much trouble, and nobody knows just how bad it really is. I need to undo all of this. Fast. Like... now.
I don't know if you've realized, but if you read words off here for a while, then switch to another-coloured page, it kind of makes you blink to focus. Hahaha. Cool.
Everytime me and Hakiim have a nice conversation, right at the peak of it, we get seperated by the forces of internet connections and MSN and our chats are left unfinished and incomplete. And so, I say "boooooooo".
Oh, right. My sister turned 20 yesterday. And they had a party, and everyone got drunk. I left before anything serious happened though, cause I didn't want to get more drunk than I already was, which wasn't very. Haha. We played stupid drinking games. :) And then I finally got an ice cream. Weeeee.
And just in case you wanted to know, Sector, who cleaned up my puke that night I got drunk, he informed me that my puke was very unique(and he'd seen a lot of puke in his lifetime) because it was green, and it had the texture of porridge. And it looked radioactive. Hahaha. Oh yes, and he said it smelt disgusting. :) And you see, I don't remember this. I don't remember where I puked, or what it looked like. I have a vague memory of it being bumpy when I think I tried wiping it off my shirt, but that's old news, so I'll end this.
I can't help but feel wrong and wronged at the same time.
Listening to: I've Been Dying To Reach You by Saosin
You're so dumb. I hate you. Hahaha. Why? Because it's all my fault, so I guess it's me who's the dumb one. I've gotten myself into so much trouble, and nobody knows just how bad it really is. I need to undo all of this. Fast. Like... now.
I don't know if you've realized, but if you read words off here for a while, then switch to another-coloured page, it kind of makes you blink to focus. Hahaha. Cool.
Everytime me and Hakiim have a nice conversation, right at the peak of it, we get seperated by the forces of internet connections and MSN and our chats are left unfinished and incomplete. And so, I say "boooooooo".
Oh, right. My sister turned 20 yesterday. And they had a party, and everyone got drunk. I left before anything serious happened though, cause I didn't want to get more drunk than I already was, which wasn't very. Haha. We played stupid drinking games. :) And then I finally got an ice cream. Weeeee.
And just in case you wanted to know, Sector, who cleaned up my puke that night I got drunk, he informed me that my puke was very unique(and he'd seen a lot of puke in his lifetime) because it was green, and it had the texture of porridge. And it looked radioactive. Hahaha. Oh yes, and he said it smelt disgusting. :) And you see, I don't remember this. I don't remember where I puked, or what it looked like. I have a vague memory of it being bumpy when I think I tried wiping it off my shirt, but that's old news, so I'll end this.
I can't help but feel wrong and wronged at the same time.
Thursday 2 February 2006
Feeling: Gone
Listening to: I've Been Dying To Reach You by Saosin
My brother punched me in the face yesterday(actually, the day before yesterday). It's not as bad as it sounds; it was actually funny. Hahaha. We were being stupid, well, I was being stupid, and I was throwing punches at him, but not exactly punching him then he just throws one punch and hits me in the mouth. Then I bleed, fall to the floor, say "You killed me" and then I start laughing, like I always do when someone makes me bleed. Like the times Far hit me in the mouth and gave me a mouthful of blood, and my brother cut my hand because he was running around with scissors; both of these situations got me laughing in the end. I'm not weird, I'm eccentric. And blood makes me act strangely.
Anyway, now my lip feels funny. Probably because he made some skin come off so this is the lip-scab's evil doing. And just so you know, I don't think going to sleep at early hours of the morning is good for me, but like many things we know is bad for us, I continue to do it. An example for this is Pop Mie; we know it's bad for us, but who can resist the yummy goodness of MSG?
Listening to: I've Been Dying To Reach You by Saosin
My brother punched me in the face yesterday(actually, the day before yesterday). It's not as bad as it sounds; it was actually funny. Hahaha. We were being stupid, well, I was being stupid, and I was throwing punches at him, but not exactly punching him then he just throws one punch and hits me in the mouth. Then I bleed, fall to the floor, say "You killed me" and then I start laughing, like I always do when someone makes me bleed. Like the times Far hit me in the mouth and gave me a mouthful of blood, and my brother cut my hand because he was running around with scissors; both of these situations got me laughing in the end. I'm not weird, I'm eccentric. And blood makes me act strangely.
Anyway, now my lip feels funny. Probably because he made some skin come off so this is the lip-scab's evil doing. And just so you know, I don't think going to sleep at early hours of the morning is good for me, but like many things we know is bad for us, I continue to do it. An example for this is Pop Mie; we know it's bad for us, but who can resist the yummy goodness of MSG?
Wednesday 1 February 2006
Feeling: Old
Listening to: I'm So Sick by Flyleaf
That's a great song. Download it.
MSN sucks. It's evil. It seems all forms of communication want to kill me. And they might be winning. Ahhhh.
I'm so tired. And I feel old because I keep leaning forward, closer to the screen for what, I don't know, and I do this obliviously, so when I finally do realize what I'm doing, I go back to sitting normally, but not before I feel the pain my back and neck is making me suffer.
Kimball's got this stupid wobbly panda emoticon on MSN and everytime he uses it, it just makes me laugh. Hahaha. Chat with me and I'll show it to you.
Today I love Far, Zyy, and Hakiim. Tomorrow I love you.
Can I just say: My God, we are falling apart. And do you see it? It's as if you don't see it, or you don't want to see it, so you tell yourself it's not happening but it's clear and everyone around you knows it. Everything's not okay. I'm sorry if it looks like I'm running away from something you think can be fixed. Maybe I am. I used to think it was something fixable, but now it looks like this is one of those times where giving up is all you can do to move on. But I could be wrong. And this brings up Finch's Ender solely for this line: I'm torn apart by words you have said and all in all, I know we're falling apart.
I'm effing hungry. Grumble, grumble.
Listening to: I'm So Sick by Flyleaf
That's a great song. Download it.
MSN sucks. It's evil. It seems all forms of communication want to kill me. And they might be winning. Ahhhh.
I'm so tired. And I feel old because I keep leaning forward, closer to the screen for what, I don't know, and I do this obliviously, so when I finally do realize what I'm doing, I go back to sitting normally, but not before I feel the pain my back and neck is making me suffer.
Kimball's got this stupid wobbly panda emoticon on MSN and everytime he uses it, it just makes me laugh. Hahaha. Chat with me and I'll show it to you.
Today I love Far, Zyy, and Hakiim. Tomorrow I love you.
Can I just say: My God, we are falling apart. And do you see it? It's as if you don't see it, or you don't want to see it, so you tell yourself it's not happening but it's clear and everyone around you knows it. Everything's not okay. I'm sorry if it looks like I'm running away from something you think can be fixed. Maybe I am. I used to think it was something fixable, but now it looks like this is one of those times where giving up is all you can do to move on. But I could be wrong. And this brings up Finch's Ender solely for this line: I'm torn apart by words you have said and all in all, I know we're falling apart.
I'm effing hungry. Grumble, grumble.
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