Feeling: Calm
Listening to: Paris by Pegasus Bridge

I think I've chosen my essay for Horror, Fantasy and the Media. :]

Todorov and the idea of the fantastic seems to appeal to me and A Tale of Two Sisters.

Maybe.

But if I loved you, it'd be the worst thing I could ever do.

Days remaining (a): 1
Days remaining (b): 24
Days remaining (c): 30

(a) Submit Spanish Language 'B' written assignment #1
(b) Submit 3,000 word Horror, Fantasy and the Media essay
(c) Submit 12,000 word Dissertation first complete draft

Feeling: Trapped

1. Analyse the representation of monstrosity in any one horror text of your choice using a cognitive-aesthetic approach to horror (Carroll). Assess the uses and limits of this theoretical approach in relation to your chosen horror text.
   
2. Analyse the construction of the 'fantastic' in any one text of your choice (film/literature/TV) using Todorov's model. Assess the usefulness of this approach and consider its limitations in relation to your chosen text.
   
3. Analyse the appeal of any one horror text by using psychoanalytic approaches (Freud/Creed). Relate your chosen text to key psychoanalytic concepts (the uncanny and abjection), considering the uses and limits of these psychoanalytic theories of horror.
   
4. Analyse any 'horror' text produced for television, considering how and to what extent your chosen text fits into theoretical definitions of the horror genre. (If you are analysing a TV series, focus on selected episodes).
   
5. Analyse any 'horror' text (factual/fictional/mockumentary) that purports to represent true events. Drawing on relevant theoretical approaches, consider how important constructions of realism are when defining the horror genre, and discuss how convincing you find Noel Carroll's 'natural horror'/'art horror' distinction.

Think, Sue-Anne. Think.

"I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch, it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you." - Valerie in V for Vendetta

That was ill-timed. I'm sorry.

This is bigger than me and my feelings. Lets go.

Listening to: The clock ticking (It's always there, taking away time and giving none back, but only in the background)

I've always been the kind of person who could tell you something worth believing in about the world. Because amongst all the cruelty and horrors, I truly thought the world deserved someone to have hope in it. It was my favourite thing about Earth - that no matter how many terrible people there were, there were still lots of good people, too. I'd never ever seriously felt at any point before this that there was nothing worth living for.

I'd never had those feelings before, and it tore my insides apart.

Oh, World, why would you disappoint me like this? I've been your most faithful servant, and I had such great plans for you. Now, they're all fucked, and I don't care anymore. You're on your own. You've screwed me over one too many times, and this was the worst. I don't want to see what other things you are capable of. I don't want to see what else you have up your sleeve.

When someone asks "What happened in your childhood to make you believe people are good?" and you can't find an answer, does that mean you were wrong and basing your expectations on fantasies you made up in your head?

Feeling: Dead

A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick. A feather, a lump of coal, and a stick.

Feeling: Dead

These focus groups are going horribly wrong. If they could go anywhere when they're not even existing.

It appears the foot-in-the-door theory is inapplicable in this instance. *Wipes tear.

This looks like a job for...

A NEW APPROACH!
:D

(Think positive.)

Feeling: Hopeless

Hypothetically speaking...

A while ago, after much contemplation about past events, I realised that I am drawn to people who are 'broken'. I enjoyed the prospect of fixing them, and this is what I frequently tried to do, probably in a vain attempt to make me feel better about myself (I HAVE A HEART, GAWSH. I AM SUCH A GOOD PERSON), but no matter how hard I tried, I kept returning to where I started - I could not fix them! And it frustrated me. Why could I not have the power to make someone better? Why must I sit here unable to reach them as they flail their arms about madly?

I soon discovered the answer: I can't. And I don't think I'm supposed to. It was just unnecessary drama that I really could not deal with on top of my own complexes. So, I decided to try something different and began the search for someone who was 'normal' and 'together' - anyone who did not seem like they desperately needed someone to piece them back together. But every time I thought I'd found them, I soon realised they were just as 'broken' as the blatantly 'broken' people. We all are. We all have these stupid fucking destructive issues holding us back, whether we let it show at first glance or not. And I guess what I'm trying to say is: Although we can't completely fix each other, we can help push each of our 'broken' souls in the right direction (though 'right' is subjective). But that's it. The rest is up to them.

You cannot save everyone; some people have to save themselves.

Feeling: Behind
Listening to: New Dress by Depeche Mode

Going through my questionnaire responses to find main themes. This one makes me laugh:

Their behaviours do not offend me as it is human nature to desire sexytime with others. Plus I am not a Conservative Christian mother. - 16, male

Fair enough, mah brotha. *Slaps back.

Feeling: Gross

I don't know why I'm awake.

I got eight hours of sleep last night and made it to my 10:00AM lecture. I was sleepy at 2:30PM so I had a one hour nap in the library, and when I got home, I was still tired so I slept for three hours and woke up at 11:00PM. Now, it's 2:30AM and I have class at 10:00AM for which I have to finish reading this chapter about political public relations.

Also, I think I'm developing a sickness. *Sneezes. *Blows nose. *Drinks water. AASDFEfsefseFLSmefoisenf.

Damn you, curse of the conscience!

Feeling: Stupid
Listening to: Bruised by Jack's Mannequin

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Cardiff University is holding a club night called 'Frat Party' where they will have beer pong, cheerleaders, red plastic cups and Jello shots.

Hahahahahahahaha.

British people pretending to be American is funny. I wonder if they do British parties in the States.

But seriously, I miss America and frat parties. *Sighs.

Feeling: Hungry

Holy macaroni! In a matter of two and a half hours, I got nearly 200 responses. There were so many coming in at once, it was crazy and overwhelming and lovely. :D

In a completely (or not at all) unrelated change of topic, I love The Student Room.

Feeling: Exhausted
Listening to: The Big Bang Theory by Barenaked Ladies

I am now desperate.

Hi, readers. *Dusts off cobwebs.

If you don't already know, I have decided to torture myself with the excruciating task of writing a 12,000 word dissertation on teen viewers' attitudes towards the sexual content on Skins. However, things have been going rather slowly, and deadlines are looming, and it's come to the point where I need your help. If you are 16-19 years old and watch Skins (UK as opposed to US), please consider taking my survey. If you know someone who matches this description, please consider directing them to my survey. It's a mere 10 questions long (or 12 if you count 'Age' and 'Gender' as questions), so it really will only take a few minutes. In case you didn't catch that, this is my survey.

Once I publish this, I'll add a counter to the sidebar over there -> to let you know how many responses I've gotten so far, and how many more I need (I do not have many at all). To try to make this a bit more fun than it sounds. :D 'Cause counting is fun. Ask Count von Count. He likes it.


Count von Count
If you help me, maaaaaaaaybe I'll start updating more frequently (ha ha). Or maaaaaaaybe I'll give you a hug. Actually, the hug is a given. If you get my survey answered, you will receive one hug. The more surveys, the more hugs! Talk about incentive! :D

I've still got another week and a half until classes start, so I am trying to be productive. Trying.

...Anyway, I made a list. Of stuff.

1. Went to Berlin, without knowing any German.
   
2. Learned so much history and gained lots of respect for this little city.
   
3. Randomly stumbled onto the red carpet of the premiere for Morning Glory. It was so random. I did not know what was going on, but I got to see Harrison Ford and Rachel McAdams walk around and look pretty.
   
4. Ate as many kinds of sausages as I could. They are called 'wurst' in German, and they truly are yummy in your tummy.
   
5. Noticed the Germans enjoy consuming apple juice spritzers, muesli, and nuts.
   
6. Went to Paris, without knowing any French.
   
7. Did not like it as much as I liked Berlin.
   
8. Had the best croissant ever at the patisserie by our apartment.
   
9. Did not find any frog legs, caviar, or escargot on any menu. I was not sure if I wanted to try any, so it's okay.
   
10. Noticed the French enjoy consuming wine, cheese, and preserved duck.
    
11. Discovered this company called Sandeman's New Europe that does really good, free, English-speaking walking tours of some European cities (like Berlin and Paris).

Feeling: Worn Out
Listening to: Dog Days Are Over by Florence And The Machine

It has been a while, internet. How are you? Don't answer that.

I have some things to say, so I made a list.

Just kidding. There is no list. I don't know how to put these thoughts into words. So. Um. Hi. *Waves.

I have been away in Ludlow, then London, then Cardiff, then Berlin, then Paris, then London, and now I'm back in Cardiff, only to disappear to London, then Barcelona, then London, then Cardiff in a couple of weeks. To be fair, I only go to London for the airport, so that doesn't really count, I guess.

I'll make that list in the next post. Maybe.

And I shall end things with a rather long quote from a TV show:

"It’s the way people try not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting them be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing, despite every scientific indication, that anything in this lifetime is permanent." - Merideth Grey on Grey's Anatomy

Okay. I'm not done yet.

May I just say that 2010 was an eventful year for me. May 2011 be just as, if not more, amazing. For all of us. Come on, universe. :]

To be honest, I don't feel like posting. I want to disappear some more. It was clarifying. Oh, well. *Shrugs.

Also, here's a link to an article entitled 'Smoking "causes damage in minutes", US experts claim'. I thought it was interesting.

Feeling: Delusional
Listening to: Hey Jude by The Beatles

I've had this song stuck in my head for a few days now, and I think that means it was begging me to make a post about it.

Let's begin with some strangely presented lyrics:

Hey Jude,
Don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude,
Don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders, for, well, you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude,
Don't let me down. You have found her, now go and get her. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better.

So, let it out and let it in. Hey, Jude, begin - you're waiting for someone to perform with. And don't you know that it's just you? Hey Jude, you'll do. The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude,
Don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better.

Firstly, I see this song as a series of little letters to (a variety of) "Jude"(s), which is why I arranged the lyrics the way I did. And "Jude" can be anyone or anything and so can "she" (and neither have to be the same entity throughout the song as their identities seem to change constantly), because who said this song has to be about some guy gaining the courage to hit on a girl? And even if the Beatles did, that is irrelevant.

I think the most meaningful part of the song, and what signifies, to me at least, that this is more than sexual relations, is what I've put in bold, but especially this - "And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders." This is because, in my opinion, although it's important to realise our responsibilities, it's equally crucial to appreciate our limitations. So, even if your good heart wants you to, the whole world wasn't meant to be held up by only one person.

Oh, I sound so pretentious and self-righteous, but I really could not care any less right now because it is 5:20 in the morning and Hey Jude is too complex to be analysing at this time of day and it's snowing outside and I just had a double espresso mocha and I'm going to shower so I can't think straight but I've got work that I'm done with to hand in today, yay!

In light of this, from now on, I shall address Jude whenever I wish to speak to abstract beings such as life and mathematics.

Days remaining (a): 0
Days remaining (b): 25

(a) About Photographs Digital Story
(b) Writing with Light Assignment #2

Feeling: Bloated
Listening to: Pain Redefined by Disturbed

I just remembered my first party at Penn where, for whatever reason, it was believed my name was Rachel. I hadn't ever met these people before, but I still couldn't win the argument that my name was, in fact, Sue-Anne.

"Um... Nooooo... Your name is Rachel."

That was a funny night.

Forgot about the countdown in the last post and I'm too lazy to fix it so I won't. Anyway, look at this:

Days remaining (a): 3
Days remaining (b): 6
Days remaining (c): 6
Days remaining (d): 6
Days remaining (e): 10
Days remaining (f): 35

(a) Dissertation 3,000 word Draft Methodology
(b) Spanish Language 'A' Written Assignment #2
(c) Spanish Language 'A' Oral exam
(d) Spanish Language 'A' Listening exam
(e) About Photographs Digital Story
(f) Writing with Light Assignment #2

Deadline extensions are, like, so cool! :D

Feeling: Crazy
Listening to: Better Than Anything Else by The Sleeping

"They came first for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me
and by that time no one was left to speak up." - Pastor Martin Niemöller

Feeling: Uneasy
Listening to: Autobahn by Anberlin

Where did the weekend go?

Days remaining (a): 18
Days remaining (b): 21
Days remaining (c): 21
Days remaining (d): 21
Days remaining (e): 24
Days remaining (f): 25

(a) Dissertation 3,000 word Draft Methodology
(b) Spanish Language 'A' Written Assignment #2
(c) Spanish Language 'A' Oral exam
(d) Spanish Language 'A' Listening exam
(e) Writing with Light Assignment #2
(f) About Photographs Digital Story

Feeling: Really good
Listening to: Closer by Anberlin

Anberlin were just amazing. They are so good live. *Drools. And so tall and skinny.

Pegasus Bridge, one of their support acts were also really good. Not so tall and skinny. Listen to them. Right now. But only if you like music.

Despite the cold, and the rugby fans, and the lack of bus services, and the closed roads, and the traffic jams, and the crowded streets, and the taxi driver that ripped me off, it's been a good night. :]

Days remaining (a): 20
Days remaining (b): 23
Days remaining (c): 23
Days remaining (d): 23
Days remaining (e): 26
Days remaining (f): 28

(a) Dissertation 3,000 word Draft Methodology
(b) Spanish Language 'A' Written Assignment #2
(c) Spanish Language 'A' Oral exam
(d) Spanish Language 'A' Listening exam
(e) Writing with Light Assignment #2
(f) About Photographs Digital Story