Feeling: Wobbly
Listening to: High Life by The Rocket Summer

I'm serious when I say this...

Such a sexy song. And so pretty, too.

High Life by The Rocket Summer
All my friends got flowers in their eyes,
but I got none this season.
All of the last years' blooms have gone and died,
time doesn’t give a reason.
Hey, baby, do you ask yourself sometimes what you need to be forgiven?
You know that everything that you have ever done wrong
is the reason that I am driven
straight to tears.

Waiting here for you,
wanting to tell you
how I get my ends and my beginnings mixed up, too,
just the way you do.
I thought if I told you,
you might want to stay for just another day or two.

Waiting for the trains that just never come,
beginning to believe in
the disappearing nature of the people we have been.
We have begun to change into the worst kind of people;
so unkind.
Oh, apologies. No apologies. This apology,
it doesn't describe the way it feels to feel for you.

Waiting here for you,
wanting to tell you
how I find myself slowly disappearing, too,
just the way you do.
I thought if I told you,
you might want to help me to remain with you.

I just, I just, I just, I just wanna stay for a little while,
I wanna stay for a little while.
Come on, come on, come on, oh.

There's a night life that's just falling down on me,
I just feel like a change.
Beneath the sun in the summer,
a sea of flowers won't bloom without the rain,
but oh, this desert life, this high life,
here at the dying of the day.
See, I wasn't made for this scene, baby,
but I was made in this scene.
And baby, it's just my way.
I don't wanna go home alone;
I wanna come on home to you.

Waiting here for you,
wanting to tell you
how I line my skies with all the silver I can use,
just the way you do.
Thought if I told you,
you might want to stay for just another day or two.

Feeling: Annoyed
Listening to: The Other Way by Weezer

Ngaaaaaaaaah.

I can't stand it. Please stop pushing me to give up my dreams for something I'd rather not do. Fair enough, you don't do it often, but you do it every chance you get, and frankly, it's gotten to the point where I just want to scream in your face and tell you to back up a little bit. I'm hardly ever sure of what I want, so I'd just really appreciate it if you didn't take this one thing away from me.

Sad to say, but maybe it's time to realize I'm not everything that makes up that little picture of me you have in your head. Maybe one day; some time in the distant future, possibly. Just not now; not when I have the world at my fingertips, ready for me to discover and then explore; not when everything is beautiful, and I aim to use all opportune moments only for the chance to grasp beauty by the hand and embrace it as much as a I can.

I hope you understand.

And by the way, something amazing (if you noticed, I have a strange inconceivable fascination with this word, but I don't think you did) has happened. ♥

Feeling: Excited

Guess who can play the theme song for Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends (Well, most of it) on the piano? :D :D :D

Come on, guess! :D :D :D

Hehehehehehehehe.

Kay, now I'm going to leave this post abruptly without telling you the answer. I guess that makes me eeeeeevil.

Feeling: Strange
Listening to: Cat And Mouse by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Looks like I still have a bunch of weirdos reading Broken Smile.

If you came to this here website by searching for the following phrases, I hereby pronounce you actually kind of disgusting:

1. brokensmile+naked
   
2. fuck mammy in bath
   
3. granny mammy sex
   
4. palir brunei

Nooowww, do you see the grossness in all of this? But thank you, Google Analytics, for letting me know that Broken Smile attracts a range of people, weirdos included.

I love this song.

Am I supposed to be happy?

Feeling: Inspired
Listening to: Sugar Skulls by Envy On The Coast

This band is cool. As in so cool I had to mention them. Which is very quite rather cool. The kind of cool that makes you stop whatever you're doing just so you can pay their music the attention they deserve. But then, I guessss there could be the possibility that you're even cooler than me, so you won't find Envy On The Coast cool at all, in which case, whoooopsie. :]

I watched Horton Hears A Who yesterday, and it is amazingly philosophical. I kept thinking of my TOK presentation (because when I talk to myself I am smarter and way nerdier than I am in real life), and I couldn't help but feel tiny and more than awesomely intrigued. We could be living on a speck in a field of flowers in someone else's world somewhere, and it's quite disturbing to realize because we'll never actually know unless we do what they did in the movie and get everyone in the world to shout "We are here," but considering what's going on right now, and how we've gotten ourselves into some deep shit over the years, I think finding out if we are on a speck is the least of our worries. :]

So, Dr. Seuss inspired me and now I want to write a book. Or at least an essay on the matter of something I'm not going to say because I don't want to, though I suppose it has something to do with the movie. :D But as I was saying, I tried to write. There was just no way I could say what I feel about everything in words. Which is stupid because I thought that was the one thing I could do. Man, I wish I could be a philosopher and study everything that could be possibly so; find some kind of understanding about the incomprehensible, but generally accepted; find that bit in my soul that seems to be missing.

Buuuuut I guess that's only a probability if I were amazing. Which I'm not, but wish I was.

Smile.

"Why did you knock?" I asked. "Why don't you just tear my world to pieces instead?" - Blood Canticle by Anne Rice

Feeling: Tummyachey

I moved the post that was here to here. Just because it seems that's where it belongs. :]

Feeling: Lovely

in·ter·view /ˈɪntərˌvyu/
–noun

1. A formal meeting in which one or more persons question, consult, or evaluate another person.

Mine was today, and it was horrible.

So horrible that I don't want to go to that university anymore nor do I want to go to university at all. I just want to die. :] That's all.

Stupid dreams. Getting vulnerable and susceptible of being crushed like that. Pssh.

By the way, have I mentioned that for more-than-adequate reasons, I have abandoned all hope and faith in humanity and everything attached to it, from our white picket fences to our inability to connect with each other?

I had something else also very pessimistic and misanthropic to say, but I chose not to hurt your eyes too much from the damage the light from the screen causes. So, instead, I shall leave you now in a mysterious puff of purple smoke.

Feeling: Mean
Listening to: Risque by Cute Is What We Aim For

My, my. Isn't this awkward?

You know what would make it even more awkward? If I told you how sometimessssss I wish things weren't the way they are. And wow, my tenses are all messed up, but the thing in my head that helps me think is so non-existant right now that I can't even tell if it's right or wrong or just confusing.

But, hello. Take a pill.

Like I said, I wish things didn't have to be the way they are.

Oh, and I have a confession to make.

You know how at the top of most posts it tells you what I'm listening to?

Well.

Sometimes.

I'm not actually listening to music.

So.

What I type down are the songs that are playing in my head.

Hehehehehehehehe. :D

Feeling: Apathetic

I promise to write an article on cussing and why it shouldn't be considered a bad thing.

One day.

When I get around to it.

Cheese.

Feeling: Strange

I was supposed to watch a movie on Thursday, but oh, my God, there were no good movies to watch, and the only ones remotely decent were showing in the morning (Actually, I lie. I suspect Sweeny Todd is more than just remotely decent (And I know, I should have seen it already, but sadly, that would be wishful thinking), but for drama's sake, let me continue), which isn't very cool. But anyway, I went out nonetheless, and I noticed the many heart-shaped things around. And all that red and pink. And flowers. And people holding hands.

What the hell?!

It's Single Thursday, and these people have nothing better to do than remind us that we're alone and probably meant to be that way. And then I see these signs saying "Happy Valentine's Day!" as if they don't know it's Single Thursday. I mean, really... "Valentine's Day"? I'm sure they could have come up with a better lie than that. Who would be so stupid as to actually believe in this "Valentine's Day" anyway? Nice try, society. Just try harder next time, okay? Everyone knows there's no such thing as "Valentine's Day". Could have fooled me, but I'm too smart for that (Hahahaha). ;D

And so, to you I say, "Pssssssssssh."

By the way, (and I know this is well overdue) Happy Single Thursday!

This post has lots of brackets. Yayyy.

Some people would say I'm in denial, but come on. It's me. I live to not be in denial. :D :D :D :D

Feeling: Anxious
Listening to: The Behavior Explains by The Brothers Martin

I don't know if I owe anyone an apology, but if I do, there you go.

I think everyone's just waiting for February to be over, so we can move passed Single Thursday and the annoyingly looming due dates, but I think I want to curl up in a ball and hiss at anyone that comes within the five meter radius I'll have to draw in with chalk, instead of succumbing to the humanity that I've so long ago given up on. But, you know, I guess that would be kind of stupid seeing as it'd mean I fail the course. Which I don't want to happen.

Right?

Xing nian kuai le, by the way, 'cause I speak Chinese. Hahahah. Not really, but I think I do an alright job at pretending I do. And did I mention Malay class is really super boring? Well, it is.

Actually, I think I just want this whole thing to be over. :]

PS: Have you no shame?

Feeling: Discouraged

Unsuccessful.

Feeling: It's about time I went to bed
Listening to: Suffocating Under Words Of Sorrow by Bullet For My Valentine

Turns out Business class can be quite productive after all.

Sort of. :]

Weakness or Strength?
Anger.
The fiery demon that eats your soul,
sends you spiraling,
makes you want to explode,
destroying yourself and everything else,
biting at your insides,
urging you to shout.
Fight.
Scream.
Ward off whoever tries to "help",
whoever pretends to care,
giving an absolutely appropriate cause
to slide that blade cross his throat,
to lodge that screwdriver into his head,
to pull that trigger with no regret,
leaving little room for guilt,
and no reason for remorse.
Or apologies.
But me?

I'm sorry.

You know how it is.

Feeling: Really tired

I feel like running away and joining the circus.

Sometimes I wonder whether I hurt people. I'm sure I do/did, and I'm sorry; my eyes can't deal with this at the moment.

Who the hell knows if the truth exists or not anyway?

Cut off all loose ties and bleed for days. Who could stand veins with friends like these?

Listening to: Tom Sawyer by Deadsy

Man. Johnny Depp is amazing. ♥ If I could meet any celebrated actor in the world, it would be him. He's so brilliant, it makes me sad.

Feeling: Enraged
Listening to: Somewhere Down In Fullerton by Allister

You fucking asshole. :]

Excuse the vulgarity.

I know this is late, but I didn't want to be one of those hundred girls who posted on the 22nd of January all with the same message: Poor Heath. I hope you had a good life. So, I'm leaving my message to him now. Not that it really matters, 'cause it actually seems kind of silly to mourn over the death of someone you don't know, and it's not like he's going to read this, but I think I'm allowed the right to dream.

I'm sorry you had to go; you were a beautiful man and death is just something I've come to really abhor simply because it comes and takes away life just as suddenly as it was given to us.


Be free, Heath Ledger. 4th April 1979 to 22nd January 2008.
♥♥♥♥

Feeling: Grumbly
Listening to: I'm Not Pretending by Red Lipstick Letter

I'm sleepy. Nooooooo.

Well, anyway, I plan on finishing my work before it bites me in the ass. Take that IB! *Whacks IB in the head with a frying pan.

Whoever keeps calling my house number in the middle of the night, please stop. It wakes people up and it disappoints them when you just hang up as soon as we answer. I mean, it's okay if you talk a little, but you don't, so I think it may just be annoying. Thank you. :]

I keep turning my aircon on and off 'cause it gets too cold, then it gets too hot. I wonder if doing this continuously will break it.

I "played" (if I can even use that word loosely) touch rugby after school today, then had a nice shower after being all sweaty, after which I did some work while simultaneously procrastinating. It felt good. ;D

I don't even know what this is about. Night.

Oh, and I don't usually do this, but Mr. Grenadey Mongoose, I hope your wings are still working, you 18-year-old, you.

Feeling: Restless
Listening to: Anarchy Camp by NOFX

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

If you can't tell, I'm panicking.

Feeling: Frustrated
Listening to: Dirty and Left Out by The Almost

I don't necessarily want to see you crumble, but it looks like you're at that stage where no one but yourself can help you turn your life around and stop you from being a fucking prick; it's all up to you. Identify it, accept it's reality, and do something about it, 'cause it's driving me crazy seeing you slowly sink further and further into that black hole of no return. And I know, it driving my crazy is not a reason for you to take action, but hell, who's keeping track?

I want to care, but everything that has become (or has always been?) you is telling me to stop trying because you won't care and I'll just be throwing myself down a spiral of frustration.

Yet somehow, one of the voices in my head is telling me this will change nothing, and because you're just too blind to everything else happening around you that doesn't concern you directly (anymore?), you probably won't even know it's you I'm talking to.

And my brother is an asshole.

And yay for no electricity and today's exams being cancelled.