Feeling: Happy

Invader Zim is on Nickelodeon! Invader Zim is on Nickelodeon! Right now. Invader Ziiiiiiiiiiiim. :D My life is complete. ♥

Feeling: Confused
Listening to: If I Apologised by Josefine Cronholm

If I apologised,
it wouldn't make it all unhappen;
wouldn't make the darkness go away.
If I apologised,
it wouldn't mean I was forgiven;
wouldn't mean you wanted me to stay.

But it's a dream
when you seem
to be walking into the Sun.
We're on first,
unrehearsed,
and we still don't know what we've done,
so we don't say anything.

If I apologised,
I don't suppose you'd even notice,
even though I'd whisper it inside.
If I apologised,
we could be the perfect couple.
Well, we could, but only in my mind.

But if you ask
for the mask,
then we're stumbling on through the dark.
But we wait;
it's too late,
and we only had to be asked,
so we don't say anything.

It couldn't hurt to try it.
It couldn't hurt too much to try.
It's there beyond the quiet.
It couldn't hurt too much to fly.

Feeling: Gross
Listening to: Make A Move by Lostprophets

Ew. Ew. Ew.

I went to open the door to my uncle's room just now, and as I did so, something fell onto my chest and then jumped onto the door frame. As slowly as it seemed in my mind, I realized what had just violated me - a lizard.

I feel dirty now. Hahaha. It was a baby lizard, and the poor thing looked like it didn't know what it was doing. It clearly didn't know it wasn't meant to jump on Sue-Anne's chest and try to jump distances only a superlizard can jump, because all Sue-Anne would do is scream and run away and then come back.

You won't be very safe here if you carry on like that, son. You see, lizards aren't meant to touch humans. We stay away from you; you stay away from us. There is so much for you to learn.

But yeah, like... read any intriguing philosophical articles lately?

Feeling: Reluctant
Listening to: Play by Punchline

For the past four days and three nights, I've been at that island I was at two years ago, Pulau Tiga. The one where I spent my nights staying up late singing karaoke and playing pool badly? That's the one. Yep. Some of the people I made friends with the first time still worked there, so it was nice to not have to start from the total beginning. I got to know Max a whole lot better this time, too. It was almost as if I hadn't left and we were just continuing a conversation we started two years ago. If you know what I mean. It's depressing and kind of awakening how I'll not see him again until two years later, and that's only if he chooses to keep working there.

On the way back home yesterday, an ambulance passed by with its lights flashing, and it hit me. My friend could be in that ambulance. Someone I locked eyes with once could be in that vehicle on its way to the hospital. And I wouldn't even know until later. Then, I'd think back and realize we crossed paths when she/he was in trouble, but there was just no way of me knowing it was her/him. It's like... the lives we live were only meant to be lived by and for us. We're not meant to know about the lives of others, 'cause it's just not possible sometimes. We can't save everyone. Especially if we can't even save ourselves.

Like Max. Or Bryan Saltus. Or the Brunei Open 2007 caddies. Or the little boys, Thomas and Marcus. Those people I've met, had conversations with, missed, thought about, bumped into. What will happen to them? I don't know.

They should really have instruction manuals on life. I think a lot of us could do with the help every once in a while.

Have a good raya, people. This is too frustrating to think about. :]

Feeling: Blue
Listening to: Juturna by Circa Survive

"You do know you can't really pierce me with your stares?" - House.

Hahahaha.

I don't know whether I'm looking forward to mid-term break or not. Which is kind of sad. But you know what else is sad? Well, I used to long for this ever-lasting IB journey to end so I can disappear to university and live a life totally different to the life I have now, but, at the moment, I don't think that's what I want anymore.

And I miss old school Fall Out Boy. :[

Oh, my goodness. I've thought about this before, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to embarrass myself, but the Click Five's new vocalist has brought a new light to the band. He makes them not as wimpy as they used to be, and his voice is very, very sexy. The whole band even looks sexier with him. It almost seems sinful. Make him stop. The sexiness! Noooooooooooo.

Feeling: Destroyed

I have vivid dreams most of the time, and some of them are pretty strange. Like the other night when I dreamed there was a whale in my living room. Or when I dreamed I was holding 4 mice by the tails and I ate them whole, leaving the tails, of course, 'cause I was holding them.

House is on TV, and he recently said something that made me stop and think. This guy is about to die, so he says, "I've always wondered what was on the other side," and House replies, "Nothing."

And you know... what if there is nothing?

Feeling: Frustrated
Watching: Rocko's Modern Life

Awww. Rocko's episodes keep ending sadly. :[ It's frustrating. Poor Rocko.

I live for Fridays; it's the only day I can come home from school and not do work and not have a feeling of guilt hanging around my neck.

From the outside of a house, we call the thing on top the roof, but when we're under it, we call the thing above our heads a ceiling. So, why do we call the top of our mouths the roof? I think I should make a petition announcing the phrase be changed to "ceiling of my mouth." Hahah, I'm sorry, I was thinking about it after lunch today when I was talking about how the ceiling of my mouth was burnt.

Hahahaaaaa. Searching for potential universities is hard.

Oh, my God. Rocko's high, hahaha. How weird for a Nickelodeon cartoon.

Thank goodness for 10 to 12 Classic Nick. :]

Yeah, this post jumps from one thing to another and back again. Were you seriously expecting a logical, well-thought post? That's just crazy.

Feeling: Uncomfortable
Listening to: My Lovely by Eisley

So. Like. 'Sup?

:p

This is awkward.

Hahaha.

I've had about 10 days in between posts for the past month, and I'm sorry the internet hasn't been my top priority lately (Well, not really. I'm not sorry). I've been spending most of my time at school, sleeping, doing work, eating, and occasionally watching the TV that always seems to be on. I've also given myself the rule that I need sleep everyday, and no amount of work is worth an all-nighter. Because of this new rule of me needing sleep and having lots of work to do, I haven't been able to watch Pepper Ann in the mornings because I'm usually too tired at 5AM. I know. Shameful. But on a brighter note, I've been able to finish work right before the deadlines, which isn't really that bright a note, but I guess it's better than nothing. And it proves my need to (let's be metaphorical today) get ahead of the ball A.S.A.P., before I start missing my shots.

I think I need a lifestyle change. Hahah.

Oh, man.

I'm very sad. I have finally received official word that the Singapore trip has been cancelled due to not enough people wanting to take over the world. But since there are a few people extremely eager to go, the dream of them going could be fulfilled if only they were willing to hack up a few extra hundred dollars, to add to the already large amount of money initially offered.

Woe is me.

On the brighter side, looks like Brunei's stuck with me next weekend. Which means, of course, absolutely nothing. :D

You know how sometimes you shake your head and say, "He/She's changed"? Did you ever stop to wonder whether it was you who changed, and not him/her? Or maybe it was your view of him/her that'd changed?

Or how about when you turn away from your problems, without actually solving them? Push even the thought of them to the back of your mind, and just forget they ever existed? I know. It sure can seem like the easiest thing to do at those times. But lately, I've been reacquainted with the idea that maybe it's not. Maybe some problems are meant to be fixed and not ignored. Or maybe we're all robots.

But anyway, I hate the way the E! News people talk about celebrities as if they actually know them. The way they make their little criticisms and pretend they know what they're talking about. "Oh, Britney's VMA performance was terrible. It's probably because she's in a total state of emotionally breaking down." Aaaaaaaaaaah, shuddup.

Disclaimer: That isn't an actual quote; I made it up as an example.

I'm so sick of life.

Feeling: Miniscule

You can change the world.

But on a completely different note, I'm going to Singapore on the 21st for some secret meeting for people who want to take over the world. I come back on the 23rd, so, if you think I'm missing during that time, it might just be because I'm out of the country, or maybe I really did go missing.

I was also thinking how it would be cool to go to Miri on the 8th of September to go to the Rockfest 3, but I just found out about something else that I kind of need to respectfully attend more than music concerts right now, no matter how rad they may turn out to be.

And so ends my wonderful post. My next one will be on giraffes and their many styles of mating calls.

Feeling: Reminiscent
Listening to: Whispers (I Hear You) by All That Remains

School's been stealing most of my time. And sleep, but let's just blame school 'cause we all know school's more evil than sleep.

I'm supposed to be doing work. So, off I go, like a good girl. To save the world; not do work - that's for losers. Work's for losers. And I'm not a loser. :D No sirree; not me.

And "Listening To Freddy Mercury" by Emery has the sexiest screams. Like woah-I'm-going-to-have-to-rape-Emery-after-listening-to-this kind of sexy. Yep. Very sexy.

PS: I went to the prayer thing for that something I spoke of in my last post, and the atmosphere at the house was so depressingly solemn. The first thing I was greeted by was my sister's husband screaming (if you didn't know, it was his brother and he was very upset), and then a baby that'd just finished crying, followed by more saddening things, like seeing his father slumped in a chair in the kitchen, smoking and looking so lost and uncertain of everything around him. It made me feel selfish.

Car Accident Takes 2 Lives

I may be overreacting, but it's the first time something like this has happened to someone I knew, so excuse me if you think this is getting annoying. I don't really know how to act, but I'll smile for now if that'll make you feel better. :]

He was a nice boy, who got a little caught up with the idea of growing up, as we do.

Okay, that sentence doesn't make sense. I was trying to be wise and inspirational. Might not be my thing.

Rest in peace, dear brother.

Feeling: Disconnected
Listening to: Playing With Fire (Acoustic) by Emery

I don't know the full story, but I'm guessing the bottom line sounds something like, "Don't drink and drive."

Death is a horrible thing. But for some reason, it's different when it's someone you know as opposed to someone you don't know personally.

Why?

It's hard when you're sitting there worrying about school, trying to finish as much work as you can 'cause frankly, it's a nuisance having it around, at 2AM, and your mum comes out of her room to tell you your friend has just passed away. You start to feel guilty you ever worried so much about something as stupid as school; it even starts to seem insignificant as it blurs into the back of your mind for that little while. Your eyes water and you realize you can't deal with this now. Not now. Not while you have other things to worry about.

It's frustrating.

When did you become the one without regret?

And he was only 16. :[

♥♥♥♥

Feeling: Out of breath
Listening to: Red And Dying Evening by Alesana

A cockroach this big just jumped on my laptop screen. I screamed, then I seemed to remember an ad that made bugs appear to be crawling on the screen, so I assumed this was an ad as well, so I said out loud (Yes, I talk to myself when I feel horrified), "Whoa, I thought it was real." I then tilted my head to the right a little and took a closer look, and the nasty thing jumped off the screen, which of course made me jump out of my chair and say "Oh, shit. It is real!" Then, I stood there staring at it for a while. I think this was the moment we fell in love for a second or two. It was short-lived 'cause the next thing I knew I had bugspray in my hands. I sprayed it, but it flew and it jumped and it got lost in my many colour pencils, so now I don't know where it is. :D

Yeah, I just needed to let the internet know because the adrenalin was pumping and I thought, "I am so cool." Then, remembered who I was and realized that no, I'm not. Hahahah.

Feeling: Thirsty
Listening to: Between Silence And Solitude by All That Remains

Regarding something I said in my previous post, guess who was on the front page of Saturday's Borneo Bulletin? My sister! Well, I mean, there was an article about her and the trip to Miri.

But enough of her, let's get back to conceited little ol' me.

Flyleaf's getting pretty big now. I just watched Die Hard 4, so I just found out I'm So Sick was in it, and they were also on MTV's Amplified the other day, and you know what happens to bands when they go on MTV...

They take over the world!

Feeling: Incomplete
Listening to: Dear Tragedy by Bayside

I guess I'm pretty slow to not have known anything about this, but for those who are even slower, on the 7th, Embracing Beyond was released on Kristal FM for the first time. It's a collaboration between some members of Airholes, Wan Long Kok, Incisive, Senjakala, Not Famous and I Mean The Snakes, and... well, let's let the music speak for itself.Yeah, it's pretty darn good. So good, I had to sneakily sneak the song into my post sneakily. I had fun deciding which vocalist sang which part. It's not up for download anywhere, but you can request it on Kristal FM, so go crazy.

I've also got baby duty this weekend, 'cause my sister went to this mass wedding thing in Miri, and I'm guessing my mum liked the idea of staying up all night tending to a tiny crying milk-drinker that keeps farting (and is actually very cute, but that's only because she gets cuter every time I see her). So, hey, I might be up to watch Pepper Ann at 5AM.

Dear Tragedy, I never had anybody, but being alone wasn't half as bad as being obsessed with a breath-taker; a smile-faker. These years alone have eaten me alive.

Does anyone else's life seem to have no meaning and/or direction?

Hmm. Just me then?

Feeling: Wide-Eyed

Baybeats was awesome. All three days had wonderful bands playing, and I loved every minute of it. I can't wait for Singfest; 10 hours of amazing music!

I mean, that's what I would be saying if my dreams of going to Singapore hadn't been crushed, but seeing as they did unfortunately become impossible, despite the fact that Baybeats so wanted me to be there, I shall say this instead:

Oogity boogity.

And if you didn't notice, I'm so not in a state of utter denial and frustration about anything at all.

I somehow feel as if I had something terribly important to get off my chest, but I seem to have already pushed it to the back of my head, never to be thought of again until a trigger is pulled and it resurfaces. So, good night. I'm going to go lie down on my bed, crawl under the covers and stare at the ceiling while imagining horrible things. You know how it is when you need to sleep but you just don't want to. ;]

Oh, I know. It's very sad posting your own pathetic teenage poetry on your online journal, but whoever said I wasn't sad? :D

Josephine
Her eyelashes curl flirtatiously,
black just like the night.
And the eyes that beg forgiveness,
closed and out of sight.

Her lips are cherry red,
as if dressed up like a doll.
The smile that's drenched in pain
peeled off - invisible to all.

Her heavy heart is cold as stone,
all her suffering drags it under.
The piercing cries that tug our minds,
resound just like the thunder.

The tears, they fall like lemondrops,
and those present begin to mourn.
She lays there so innocently,
almost begging to be reborn.

But true friends smile at the peaceful thought,
that she had fulfilled her quest.
Her head on the pillow, coffin tightly shut.
Her soul can finally rest.

Nothing's Wrong
Nothing's ever wrong,
but if you understood the meaning of 'nothing',
you'd know the reason I cry.
You would comprehend and realize
it's no use listening to my lies,
that there is no reason to trust my words,
for they come from my mouth,
and I am nothing but a speck on your glass.