Feeling: Worried
Listening to: All That He Wants by Kill Hannah

I officially graduated on the 25th. I thought it was going to suck because my best friend wouldn't be there, and neither would my boyfriend. I didn't know what was going on, but there was music and dancing, and I don't think I danced. I mean, I did something, but it sure as hell can't be called dancing. That was the first part. The second part was different 'cause that's when Hamish was allowed to come and sit and wait for 2 hours and listen to speeches and watch people cry.

Watching all my schoolmates hug their friends and teachers between tears made me want to cry too 'cause I realized that I didn't have that kind of relationship with many people. I think I was supposed to feel sad about leaving the school and possibly never seeing these people again, but I didn't; I felt awkward and out-of-place. But maybe it's similar to how I deal with death, which all comes down to the fact that I don't know how to handle the concept of 'the end'.

And all he wants is a minute with her, to crash the ball and take her home; to break her heart and tear her clothes; to feel alive, young and terrified.

I made the new layout last night. There are mistakes that I only noticed after I'd done everything, so I hope you don't notice. :]

Days till I leave: 5

Listening to: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot by Brand New

I'll start off by saying my school, or last school, rather, is racist. I'm serious. The other day, I, along with Far, asked the administration office if we could have our forecast results, and the lady behind the desk said we'd have to write a letter beforehand to get them. Then, today, I went with Aaron, without a letter, and he asked the exact same question but in Chinse, and the lady gave it to us right away. Either I'm a bit paranoid, or the school is fucking racist.

With that said, my results are as I expected; ugly. :p And because I have no shame, and would like all of you to point and laugh at my stupidity, looky looky:

Malay: B
English: A
Mathematics: B
Additional Maths: D
Chemistry: C
Biology: B
Physics: D
Accounts: B

I have nothing to say in my defense. However, I've been wondering how me getting a 70% average for physics makes it a D. A D's not even an O. How do I get an O for chemistry and not for physics? It's a conspiracy against me. It has to be.

My actual results better be a grade higher than those predicted. 'Cause then, you know, I'd have a few A's and no D's, and thus, I'd be able to poke my tongue out at the teachers for predicting wrongly. HEEHEEHEE.

Days till I leave: 8

AHHHHHHHHH.

Sorry. Near heartattack.

Plain White T's is on MTV! TRL to be exact. How strange is that?! I'll tell you how strange; very strange.

Hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really don't like you.

I'm supposed to be asleep.

I've been having a headache the whole day. It won't go awayyyyy. And it hurts. And I'm sleepy. And I'm hungry. So, I'm going to go eat now.

Feeling: Sick
Listening to: Prisoner Of Society by The Living End

I've been losing weight. I now weigh 46KG, which means I lost 3KG. Interesting, isn't it?

I stayed up until 4:26AM last night making the layout for Dented Hearts(I got the name from Cute Is What We Aim For's I Put The 'Metro' In Metronome; I don't break hearts, I just dent them), which is where I'll post all my original stories, 'cause since that whole career-doubting incident, I've been in need of reassurance, and I figured once I get back to writing again, everything'll be okay. Or not. Putting nothing aside, I've been writing bits of my To Be Heartless story, previously called Heartless. It's not finished yet, and frankly, I think I have a long way to go till I can say it's complete. Weee.

Everyone's in love with My Chemical Romance's Welcome To The Black Parade. So, here I am to give you my opinion. I'm in love with the intro, just not a fan of the verses; they remind me too much of Green Day, and if they remind me of another band, chances are they sound like another band, but, as things often are, it may just be me.

I have a problem. I'm flying to New Zealand by myself. But don't be silly, that's not the problem. The problem will come when I've arrived and I'm all alone waiting for my dad to come because as stated by the man himself, "don't be alarmed if I'm not there when you arrive." He may be running late. And I'm a moose, so I'm naturally afraid of these happenings, due to past experiences where I arrived and he wasn't there because he thought I was arriving the next day and now you see how terrified I am. Among other things, me leaving also means I'll be missing my piano recital. And the one time I actually wanted to go. Welfnslfknreg.

29th November marks the date MOTA will perform alongside other bands at D'Anggerek Hotel, and 1st December is when the Battle of the Bands at ISB will be held. Starting times will be 7:30PM and 7:00PM respectively.

Which is better - a not-so-good education with limited social outings over a short period of time, or a fucking awesome education with reasonable social outings over a long period of time? I'm in the middle of the debate, and nobody's listening.

Days till I leave: 10

Feeling: Grr
Listening to: The Leaving Song by AFI

My 'O' level exams are over. And they didn't go as well as I'd planned. I planned on leaving the exam hall after my last exam all happy, but I was just tired. I hadn't slept very well that last exam week, studying until 2AM and waking up spontaneously at 5AM only to realize it's to early may be the cause, and I'd been having repetitive headaches and my nodes were hurting. I'm worried about my English. I'm used to writing stories, but ever since my English teacher started giving me low marks for my stories, I got discouraged, and I wrote a factual essay for my exam. God knows what my results will be like. I could very possibly be shit at factual essays. And that's what worries me. It's very strange; why did I have to go and write that essay? It's about the best and worst aspects of being a teenager for God's sake! Even worse, I still went online and watched TV after my last post, contrary to what I'd ordered myself to do. I went online, but I played mind tricks on myself by pretending I wasn't actually online so I wouldn't feel guilty. So badass, man.

On a completely unrelated subject, as you may or may not know, all those words I erased in previous posts, signified by a [whatever words were here have been removed], were erased because they contained information I found too personal for the internet once re-reading it several times. I'll let you know now that it was about how I felt I had trouble controlling my anger that was often provoked by very minor and stupid things.

A few days ago, I had another anger attack but once I'd calmed down, I realized that what I was feeling was illogical. I got angry because of what was written on a website. But why? There's nothing offensive there. In fact, everything X said about me is good. I got upset for silly reasons such as X having a haircut, X getting a massage, X getting an ear piercing, and things even more stupid. I understood, after the anger attack, that those were dumb reasons. So, why did it make me angry? To make matters worse, I didn't tell X why I was upset, or that I was upset. I actually told X that I was fine when X asked what was wrong because I was acting hostile towards X but for no reason within logic. Again, why?

And then I realized that I was worse as a child. I got angry over such minor things as a thread sticking out on the inside of my socks, or when I changed clothes after swimming in a pool without showering and my body was sticky. On one occasion, my dad, sister and I were playing Monopoly. My sister took some of my dad's money and I got angry. I started shouting and crying, so she grabbed her now bigger pile of money and gave it to my dad. I got even angrier. I had a tantrum and my dad had to hug me, but I wouldn't calm down until everybody quit the game. I somehow felt that by doing what my sister did, she'd ruined the game.

Getting angry over things that minor just seems crazy because it sure as hell is not normal. So, I looked it up and came to this which states "Unexpressed anger can lead to other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on)" and "Easily angered people don't always curse an throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk or get physically ill. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake. What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological; there is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age." That's all true for me.

So, then I looked up this passive-aggressive personality disorder thing, and I found that the stupid things that made me angry were related to some of the passive-aggressive traits. Such traits include fear of dependency, fear of competition, fear of intimacy and feeling victimized. Passive-aggressive people tend to be needy, seeking attention and easily angered. They do things that will make loved ones pay attention to them, such as withdraw oneself socially or not eat. Sounds like me.

I don't know much about this psychology business, so I may be completely wrong. I was just moved with how much I agreed with that article about controlling anger. Whether or not I have this personality disorder, I've been learning to control my anger, so that's something to be proud of. Yay. :]

Feeling: Silly
Listening to: Somewhere Else by Razorlight

Don't you hate it when you really want to do something, so you go on your way to start to do it but then you forget what you were going to do, so you stand there, weight on one leg, saying "What the hell was I going to do?" only to receive no reply because nobody's listening or even around, which means you were indeed talking to yourself?

Or maybe it's a problem faced only by underdeveloped moose who've had too many carbonated dreams and sugar-coated painkillers to believe her own ideas, and so, maybe you don't know what I'm talking about and think I'm a weirdo who wears my undies too tight around the ankles. But then again, maybe not, and maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about so this whole paragraph was for no other use than to practice my English/typing skills and to irritate those people who hate wasting time because we're living in a crazy world where everybody thinks they need to go faster because everything just moves so fucking slow. Who knows? I sure don't.

My brother left for New Zealand today. It was so cute watching him disappear behind those big glass doors all by himself, engulfed in whatever emotions he was feeling. He'll be arriving there at midnight our time which means he's got more or less 5 hours and 35 minutes to go.

Also, and this is plainly a remainder to myself, I have not been paying any attention to those rules I set up for myself about not going online when studying is needed. So, please, Sue-Anne, stop being so stubborn and distracted by the pixilated beauty of the computer or television for the next 5 days. You'll thank me later.

Feeling: Squishy
Listening to: Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's

I was going to post this:
Okay. You've probably figured it out by now, but in case you haven't, I'll tell you. I lied. I don't have antlers. And if you've seen pictures of me with antlers; they're fake. I mean, the antlers aren't real. I always wondered what it would be like to have antlers, so I went a little crazy and said things I'd rather you hadn't heard, did things I'd rather you hadn't known about, but all in all, I'm sorry I lied. Mind you, absence of antlers does not mean I am not a moose. Oh, I'm still a moose, just not a male one with antlers, or a female one with antlers, if you will, because they are non-existant. I'm female. And a moose. Without antlers.

But then I thought, "Naaaahhhhhhh." So, instead, I'm going to tell you about the adventure I had today. And boy, did I have an adventure.

See, I woke up at 6:30AM, pealed myself off the couch because yes, I sleep on the couch. The adventure began when I brushed my teeth. WITH TOOTHPASTE. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD. I got excited and did a little dance in the bathroom. Then, I stopped because I stubbed my toe on the toilet and my glasses fell in the bowl which was full of poo because someone took a huge dump and clogged the toilet. So, there I was, my toe throbbing with pain, reaching into the diseased toilet bowl, allowing all horrid stenches to stain me. I retrieved my glasses and threw them out 'cause they were smelly.

After that, I went to the kitchen to make me my next adventure: POACHED EGG AND BEEF SALAMI SANDWICH. AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGG. I was in the process of poaching the egg in the microwave when the machine started making strange sounds. I turned to face the microwave in time to see it explode, burning my hair and skin to a crisp charcoal colour.

I didn't feel like going to school after that. There was no way I was going to face my Biology papers 1 and 2 after all that. My mum wouldn't let me stay at home though. So, I tied her up and brainwashed her using this hypnosis trick I learnt a few days ago. It didn't work. She ended up punching me in the face and stealing my kidneys and replacing them with lollipops.

I called the ambulance, but apparently, I don't know their phone number. I ended up calling the first person listed in the phone book and asking for the ambulance number to which I received inaudible mumblings and then dialtone. A DIALTONE! HOW AWESOME IS THATTTTTTT?

Anyway, a few hours later, after choking on a chicken bone, falling out of a window and fracturing the little toe on my left foot, here I am, chatting with Ardy about worms crawling around in your stomach and how emoticons are creepy.

Don't you just wish you were me?

Disclaimer: Some events mentioned above are fictional and thus, did not actually occur. Do not be misled into believing these silly lies which are clearly attempts to get killed by the local mafia, if only they existed. And you thought this was going to be a well-thought, meaningful post. Let me giggle a little because of that. HEHEHE.

Feeling: Whispered
Listening to: There For You by Flyleaf

I think there's either a virus or spyware on the computer. But more importantly, did you know it is illegal, under the laws of blogging in Brunei, to blog about ill-mannered things directed at the government? If you get caught, the government will shut down your blog, or something worse, but I can't remember what that worse something is so let's go with arrest you and step on your toes with big combat boots for 20 years non-stop.

If you're my stalker and obsessed with me and everything I do, you've probably noticed my antlers finally grew in. :] Feels great; people respect me now. I think it has something to do with the fact that my antlers make me seem taller than I actually am. It's awesome and all, but the strange thing is, female moose don't have antlers.

....

Strange...

But enough of me, here's something to go crazy over:

August Winterman by Dead Poetic
And If I could teach the world to be,
I'd teach them all to be something just like me.
Frustrated, bitter, depressing.

Perfect; as if my wings were like yours,
but I'm falling down.

And if you could hold your tongue long enough,
you'd see that all I am is love, but I don't like me.
I despise me.

Perfect; as if my wings were like yours
but I'm falling down.
Perfect; as if my wings were like yours,
but I'm falling down.

It's a disease they'll never have a cure for.
You're the only way to dry my eyes.
It's a disease they'll never have a cure.
But I'm the one who's wrong. I'm the one who cries.
It's a disease they'll never have a cure for.
It's a disease they'll never have a cure.
But I'm the one who's wrong. I'm the one who cries.

I cry; I despise me.

And why, yes, I do have both of my English exams tomorrow at 8AM till 11:30AM. Thanks for asking.

And of courseeeeee; I am in love with that bushbaby; son of Cheryl and Jamie, grandson of his grandparents, nephew of his aunts and uncles, player of video games, master of guitar, friend of his friends, guitarist of MOTA, reason to wake up smiling, keeper of my heart, part of my soul. How did you know? *Giggles.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." - Rebecca, age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." - Billy, age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." - Karl, age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." - Chrissy, age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." - Terri, age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." - Danny, age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss." - Emily, age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen," - Bobby, age 7

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." - Noelle, age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." - Tommy, age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore," - Cindy, age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." - Clare, age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." - Elaine, age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is more handsome than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." - Mary Ann, age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." - Lauren, age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." - Karen, age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." - Mark, age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," - Jessica, age 8

So, that made my day pretty. Then I had to go and watch this fucking video. And shit. It gave me goosebumps. It's what happened to a lady after Hurricane Katrina caused her house to flood. She was wearing the same wet clothes for days and the water was so contaminated that she developed a rash on her breast. It got worse and she finally went to the doctor, and the rest is on the video. If you plan on watching it, let me warn you that if it made me squimish, it could do the same to you. I watched 2 seconds of it and stopped it 'cause I couldn't handle it. But maybe I'm just a chicken who's scared of everything.


God damn.

People and their silly celebrations are evil, and I have proof:


That poor pumpkin, I hope he's in a better place now.

Anyway, happy halloween.

Feeling: Itchy

Before you say anything, this is a new layout, but it is one I didn't make. It was originally made by Deena, who is linked in the 'Thank you' box, but I played around with itsy bitsy parts of the HTML, so most of the credit goes to her. :] This is the first layout I'm using that I didn't make, and this layout's real pretty, and surprisingly, underrated, which is why it's perfect for my first and possibly last layout I use without designing it myself.

And also, I've invented the subsubculture(subsubculture because it is a subculture of a subculture), contrary emo. I discovered this subsubculture that night MOTA got signed with 537 Records because Hamish puked due to excitement and happiness, which, in a way, defines the contrary emo, but not quite, so I'm going to define the term even more. A contrary emo doesn't want to conform with all the other emos by being typically sad and depressing, so instead, he/she is happy, and sometimes, so happy he/she pukes. :] In all other aspects, the contrary emo is alot like the other kinds of emos, because I said so and I haven't gotten that far yet. XD

It'll be the next big thing. You should be a contrary emo, too; they are so cool.

Feeling: Needy
Listening to: No Cigar by Millencolin

I once had a friend, who will remain anonymous and who told me things about Far that he/she said I shouldn't tell her(Far). This certain friend, he/she went away to college, didn't contact us for months, not even when he/she returned to Brunei for holidays, and me and Far both knew there was something wrong with him/her because of all his/her obvious faults. After much deliberation, I told Far what this friend told me about her. In the words of this friend, "My parents don't like Far; they like you better. They don't like her whole family; they think they're weird." Far's face was confusing, so I asked what her expression was about and what do you know, she replied with a "That's the exact same thing she said to me, except about you and your family." It made me wonder what other things he/she had told me that were lies. That certain friend, I thought he/she was, you know, a friend. I even selfishly called him/her a close friend. But that's not the point of this paragraph. The point I'm trying to prove here is that you can never really know who to trust; people can deceive you so easily, but the only thing you can do is close your eyes and hope you made the right decision, and it's that fact that makes life that much more unbearable.

And I think I have split personalities, or just inability to control my emotions when they come. 'Cause they don't come often, but when they do, they come at the most inappropriate of times and it's all so stupid because [whatever words were here have been deleted; I don't need to reveal as much information as was previously entered just to have strange people think I'm crazy, and some things are best left for the imagination]. It makes me have conversations with myself in which I go, "I wonder what it's like to die." and answer, "It's nothing. It's just like going to sleep, only you know you're not going to wake up." Then I start wondering if death is really overrated, and if it actually is nothing.

[I've also edited this part, because in this space were words that had to do with what had been deleted in the paragraph above, so leaving what was here here would make no sense]

Feeling: Stubborn
Listening to: Raining All The Time by Kill Hannah

This song. ♥

She said, "I hate the rain, but here it comes again." There's something in my head, I can't get it off my mind. Since you've been gone, it's raining all the time.

I just thought it was worth mentioning that it's raining right now, and strange enough, on the day Hamish leaves(He's coming back on Tuesday, but 2 nights and 3 days is still a long enough time).

I downloaded Closer because Pete mentioned it in his journal as being far more true than anything he's ever written. So, out of curiosity, I watched it last night, and the things that go on in that movie are scary to think about because it's actually quite fucked up.

A reviewer of the movie said it will intrigue your senses, causing you to examine your own soul; your own convictions, and I have to agree. I also discovered Panic! At The Disco got the name of two of their songs from this movie(Evident by Alice, who is a stripper, when she says, "Lying's the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it's better if you do.") And Goddammit, why does Jude Law always have to play a character I hate?

I'm not supposed to be online or posting because I promised myself I wouldn't allow silly distractions like computers and TVs to get in the way of my much needed studies, but I figured extremely cool news could be an exception. And this is pretty cool news. To MOTA fans, anyway(And if you don't know who MOTA is, slap yourself).

They got offered a record deal with 537 Records, home of Airholes, Incisive and Wan Long Kok. Pretty fucking sweet, ey. :]

Yeah. That's all. I'm really tired and I have to wake up at 7.

(I was kidding about the slapping of yourself if you don't know about MOTA, all you have to do is click here or here. But if you actually slapped yourself, HAHAHAHAHA. Dumbass)

Feeling: Giggly
Listening to: Moment Of Weakness by Bif Naked



Hahahaha. It's an otter, and this picture's just so funny.

Feeling: In danger
Listening to: Poison by My American Heart

I finally have all my results back for first and second trials. And to my surprise, I got 100% for all of them.

I'm joking. And you must be sick of all my jokes. Haha. But to make up for it, here are my real results. That are actually really sucky.

Subject	First trial	Second trial
Biology	1: 57.5%, 2: 52.5%, 3: 57.5%	1: 77.5%, 2: 64%, 3: 77.5%
Physics	1: 42.5%, 2: 32.6%, 3: 96.6%	1: 72.%, 2: 62%, 3: 86.7%
Chemistry	1: 55%, 2: 52.5%,3:	1: 70%, 2: 59.4%, 3: 73.8%
Malay	1: 63%, 2: 68.5%	1: 88%, 2: 76.5%
English	1: 72%, 2: 74%	1: 73%, 2: 76%
Add. Maths	1: 52.5%, 2: 18%	1: 25%, 2: 41.3%
Accounts	1: 60%, 2: 59%	1: 75%, 2: 74%
Maths	1: 61.25%, 2: 65%	1: 61%, 2: 72%

Told you. Sucky. But look at my Malay. Hahah. My teacher's crazy.

Oh, God. Now I'm panicking. This is the real O Level exam tomorrow. What the hell am I doing aimlessly wandering around the internet like I have nothing better to do while my body is slowly telling me it needs more rest than I give it? *slap. *slap. *slap.

Feeling: Insecure
Listening to: Swing Life Away by Rise Against

Survey #1

1. Do you know anyone's friendster password? * Yes, I do. All part of the take-over-the-world plan I've mentioned too many times to actually work. 2. Do you think your love life right now will last long? * That depends on your definition of 'long'. Forever seems a long time to me. What do you think? 3. Are you an emotional person? * I suppose. Not so much externally, but shut up. Don't we all have emotions and thus, aren't we all emotional? 4. If you had one last breath to say something to someone you love what would you say? * "Ellooooooooooo, this is my one last breath, so you should know what's coming. Hold me nowww, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking, "Maybe six feet ain't so far down."" 5. Do you believe in love at first sight? * I actually don't believe you can fall in love with a person with one glance. I mean, love is a big word, one glance is a small action, what could happen? 6. Ever felt jealous of your friend? * I guess a little bit of me is always jealous. You know, that familiar feeling that takes hold of you when you wish you had it as good as your friend. 7.What was the last thing you did? * Milked the cow. Really. I have a cow. That I milk. Outside, of course. Unless it's dinner time. Then, I do it inside the house, and we all get milkshakes! 8. Who is right next to you? * I won't say "no one" 'cause there very well may be someone sitting right beside me at this very moment. I just can't see them without my invisible-people-seeing goggles. :] 9. Who was the last person you ate with? * Actually ate? Or watched eat? I actually ate with Far, but I watched my brother eat later on. 10. How many times has your page been viewed? * What page? I have many pages. 11. How's the weather right now? * Cool. I don't know. I'm not outside and I don't plan to go outside because I'm doing that thing where I sit in my living room without any pants on. Force of habit. Don't blame me. 12.Last person you called? * Wowwwww. I don't remember. Must have been ages ago. 13. Last person who called you? * The evil monster called Benjamin. 14. Last song you sang? * Situations by Escape The Fate. 15. Last time you danced? * I don't dance. And if you ever think you saw me dance, shhhhh. It wasn't me. 16. Lost a friendship over something stupid? * No. I lose friendships over really big things such as missing shoelaces and feelings. 17. Smoke? * Ah, fuck. The cow caught fire again. 18. Last thing you ate? * Apple strudle. I have some left, do you want any? 19. Been really depressed before? * No fucking shit. Yes, my answers make no sense. 20. Faked being sick to miss school? * Ah, I've pretended to be sicker than I actually was. :] 'Cause I was feeling like shit when I went to bed, but when I woke up, I was all better and I just didn't feel like going to school so I pretended I was still sick. If I didn't do that, I may have died at school. Think about it. 21. What time did you wake up today? * 6:25AM. 22. Last person you did an activity with? * Wow. You suck. 23. Do you like the person who posted this? * Mmmmmmmmyeah. I don't know her well. She used to go to my school, then she went to do IB and now, we don't talk exactly, me being the anti-social that I am. Hee hee hee. 24. What are you wearing right now? * Hahahaha. Funny you should ask. I'm wearing no pants, undergarments and a t-shirt. 25. Are you too shy to ask someone out? * I don't need to ask anyone out. Well, that's what I tell myself just to get over the fear. 26. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? * Their eye flicky thing. Hahah. ♥ 27. Where are you now? * At home. In the living room. On a chair. That's really hard and uncomfortable. 28. What date and day is it? * October 16th, 2006. Mondayyyy. 29. Did you go somewhere yesterday? * To the Aman complex. 30. What did you do there? * Good question. What did I do there? Hmmm. I'll get back to you on that one. 31. How old are you? * Enam belas tahun. 32. What color is your underwear? * Grey. Anyone could have guessed it. 33. Do you act mature or immature? * I don't act. I am. I be. I wachaaaaaaa. 34. What do you call your mom and dad? * Mum and dad. Haha. 35. Are you an only child? * Horses go "neigh." 36. Where do you go shopping? * Wherever the shopping is. Hahaha. 37. Do you like your school? * I'm meltingggggggg. 38. Do you like books? * Meltingggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. 39. Do you want to get married? * Yes. :] But I am already, so, go fish. 40. To whom? * The one that makes me go "Eeee." Whoa. Moose make weird noises.

Survey #2

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel? * I've never answered a survey properly, and I think it's time. It really depends on what their feelings are. Hahah. Oh, I ruined the question. :[ I'll try in the next one. 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? * Hmm. I don't actually know why I got so angry, it may have been because I felt forgotten, but then again, I have an anger management problem that I hate and need to control. 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? * Ooh, I want it to be like the movies. I'd call Hamish and tell him I love him. Then, if I don't survive the crash, at least I left the world on that note, and if I live, at least he knows I love him. 4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? * Yeah, I think my friends and family deserve to know. I'd spend my remaining days doing things I've always wanted to do like running around Jerudong Park naked or meeting Atreyu or something, with my loved ones. And yes, fear would have it's best of me when I realize once I'm dead, I'm gone. And it's a scary thing to be gone. 5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Love or Trust? Why? * Love is built on trust, so I pick trust. 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? * In my world, I would have left my house a little earlier than I was supposed to, so I'd have enough time to save the doggy that somehow managed to get into the canal. 7. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not? * O_O That's a mean thing to say. But yes, I'd tell him. 'Cause like I said, love is built on trust. 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say? * I'd sit down with her and tell her I'm in love with Hamish and that I appreciate her having the courage to tell me her feelings, 'cause I know it's not easy to do, but sadly, I don't think I'm a lesbian. :p 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? * I know I can be unbearable at times, but friends are people who know you exremely well(i.e. knows your perfections and your flaws), but still likes you. As narcsisstic it is to say "yes", I'm going to say "I guess so." I mean, I can't be that bad of a friend. 11. Does love = sex? * No, it doesnt, and I will prove it to you with the magic of mathematics. If you use that equation, it also means "love - sex = 0" and "sex - love = 0", and as you can see, they both equal zero, so, no, it doesn't. 12. Wheres 12? * I don't know any 12. 13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? * Respectively, today, Hamish, and I didn't have to tell, I wanted to. It was about my mum not wanting to take care of me anymore. 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back? * Exposing your true emotions is a hard thing to do, and although both of them involve the exposing of emotions, I'd say telling a friend I love them is harder for me to do as it involves the showing of more intense feelings. 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing(s) for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? * Hamish, and I know he's not a thing, but he'd be hard to lose 'cause he's that something that makes every day bearable. 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you? * The only person I can remember saying it to is Yu Foong. Haha. He's my friend; the guy who made me want to cry on my birthday because of the simple gesture he made that nobody else would have noticed. 18. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? * Hamish or Far. :] 19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? * Yes, if CPR is what they need. Why? Homeless person. He/She is still a person, and the right to live is one of the basic human rights. 21. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your reason for making the decision? * Why am I holding on the the hand of a newborn I do not know? Strange. Anyway, I'd save the baby 'cause I'm mean and I guess the baby deserves to live longer than it already has. 22. Are you old fashioned? * In some ways, no. 23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? * I don't usually expect things in return because I don't want to disappoint myself, and by not expecting anything, I allow myself to be pleased if I happen to get the unexpected, if anything. 24. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? * There's such a thing as true love breaking a heart? Wow. I've been living life by false facts. Despite that, I choose the first, because after my heart is broken, I can heal, learn and love again, whereas the other choice says I'd never love at all, and that would suck. 25. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? * Have telekinetic powers, or take over the world. Yes, I got tired of thinking.

Yeah, yeah. I know, Biology practical tomorrow.

Feeling: Restless
Listening to: A World So Cold by Mudvayne

MOTA's review for playing at D'Anggerek Hotel last month is up at BruBands, if you're desperate to know how they play live. :]

Exams are just around the corner and I can't sit down and study because I'm too excited about everything that's going to happen after the exams. I'm not sure if that's healthy. Eep.

And 'cause I'm an advertising bitch, click.

I love the way the slightest scent of you drives me crazy. ♥