Feeling: Strange
Listening to: Cat And Mouse by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Looks like I still have a bunch of weirdos reading Broken Smile.

If you came to this here website by searching for the following phrases, I hereby pronounce you actually kind of disgusting:

1. brokensmile+naked
   
2. fuck mammy in bath
   
3. granny mammy sex
   
4. palir brunei

Nooowww, do you see the grossness in all of this? But thank you, Google Analytics, for letting me know that Broken Smile attracts a range of people, weirdos included.

I love this song.

Am I supposed to be happy?

Feeling: Inspired
Listening to: Sugar Skulls by Envy On The Coast

This band is cool. As in so cool I had to mention them. Which is very quite rather cool. The kind of cool that makes you stop whatever you're doing just so you can pay their music the attention they deserve. But then, I guessss there could be the possibility that you're even cooler than me, so you won't find Envy On The Coast cool at all, in which case, whoooopsie. :]

I watched Horton Hears A Who yesterday, and it is amazingly philosophical. I kept thinking of my TOK presentation (because when I talk to myself I am smarter and way nerdier than I am in real life), and I couldn't help but feel tiny and more than awesomely intrigued. We could be living on a speck in a field of flowers in someone else's world somewhere, and it's quite disturbing to realize because we'll never actually know unless we do what they did in the movie and get everyone in the world to shout "We are here," but considering what's going on right now, and how we've gotten ourselves into some deep shit over the years, I think finding out if we are on a speck is the least of our worries. :]

So, Dr. Seuss inspired me and now I want to write a book. Or at least an essay on the matter of something I'm not going to say because I don't want to, though I suppose it has something to do with the movie. :D But as I was saying, I tried to write. There was just no way I could say what I feel about everything in words. Which is stupid because I thought that was the one thing I could do. Man, I wish I could be a philosopher and study everything that could be possibly so; find some kind of understanding about the incomprehensible, but generally accepted; find that bit in my soul that seems to be missing.

Buuuuut I guess that's only a probability if I were amazing. Which I'm not, but wish I was.

Smile.

"Why did you knock?" I asked. "Why don't you just tear my world to pieces instead?" - Blood Canticle by Anne Rice

Feeling: Tummyachey

I moved the post that was here to here. Just because it seems that's where it belongs. :]

Feeling: Lovely

in·ter·view /ˈɪntərˌvyu/
–noun

1. A formal meeting in which one or more persons question, consult, or evaluate another person.

Mine was today, and it was horrible.

So horrible that I don't want to go to that university anymore nor do I want to go to university at all. I just want to die. :] That's all.

Stupid dreams. Getting vulnerable and susceptible of being crushed like that. Pssh.

By the way, have I mentioned that for more-than-adequate reasons, I have abandoned all hope and faith in humanity and everything attached to it, from our white picket fences to our inability to connect with each other?

I had something else also very pessimistic and misanthropic to say, but I chose not to hurt your eyes too much from the damage the light from the screen causes. So, instead, I shall leave you now in a mysterious puff of purple smoke.

Feeling: Mean
Listening to: Risque by Cute Is What We Aim For

My, my. Isn't this awkward?

You know what would make it even more awkward? If I told you how sometimessssss I wish things weren't the way they are. And wow, my tenses are all messed up, but the thing in my head that helps me think is so non-existant right now that I can't even tell if it's right or wrong or just confusing.

But, hello. Take a pill.

Like I said, I wish things didn't have to be the way they are.

Oh, and I have a confession to make.

You know how at the top of most posts it tells you what I'm listening to?

Well.

Sometimes.

I'm not actually listening to music.

So.

What I type down are the songs that are playing in my head.

Hehehehehehehehe. :D

Feeling: Apathetic

I promise to write an article on cussing and why it shouldn't be considered a bad thing.

One day.

When I get around to it.

Cheese.

Feeling: Strange

I was supposed to watch a movie on Thursday, but oh, my God, there were no good movies to watch, and the only ones remotely decent were showing in the morning (Actually, I lie. I suspect Sweeny Todd is more than just remotely decent (And I know, I should have seen it already, but sadly, that would be wishful thinking), but for drama's sake, let me continue), which isn't very cool. But anyway, I went out nonetheless, and I noticed the many heart-shaped things around. And all that red and pink. And flowers. And people holding hands.

What the hell?!

It's Single Thursday, and these people have nothing better to do than remind us that we're alone and probably meant to be that way. And then I see these signs saying "Happy Valentine's Day!" as if they don't know it's Single Thursday. I mean, really... "Valentine's Day"? I'm sure they could have come up with a better lie than that. Who would be so stupid as to actually believe in this "Valentine's Day" anyway? Nice try, society. Just try harder next time, okay? Everyone knows there's no such thing as "Valentine's Day". Could have fooled me, but I'm too smart for that (Hahahaha). ;D

And so, to you I say, "Pssssssssssh."

By the way, (and I know this is well overdue) Happy Single Thursday!

This post has lots of brackets. Yayyy.

Some people would say I'm in denial, but come on. It's me. I live to not be in denial. :D :D :D :D

Feeling: Anxious
Listening to: The Behavior Explains by The Brothers Martin

I don't know if I owe anyone an apology, but if I do, there you go.

I think everyone's just waiting for February to be over, so we can move passed Single Thursday and the annoyingly looming due dates, but I think I want to curl up in a ball and hiss at anyone that comes within the five meter radius I'll have to draw in with chalk, instead of succumbing to the humanity that I've so long ago given up on. But, you know, I guess that would be kind of stupid seeing as it'd mean I fail the course. Which I don't want to happen.

Right?

Xing nian kuai le, by the way, 'cause I speak Chinese. Hahahah. Not really, but I think I do an alright job at pretending I do. And did I mention Malay class is really super boring? Well, it is.

Actually, I think I just want this whole thing to be over. :]

PS: Have you no shame?

Feeling: Discouraged

Unsuccessful.

Feeling: It's about time I went to bed
Listening to: Suffocating Under Words Of Sorrow by Bullet For My Valentine

Turns out Business class can be quite productive after all.

Sort of. :]

Weakness or Strength?
Anger.
The fiery demon that eats your soul,
sends you spiraling,
makes you want to explode,
destroying yourself and everything else,
biting at your insides,
urging you to shout.
Fight.
Scream.
Ward off whoever tries to "help",
whoever pretends to care,
giving an absolutely appropriate cause
to slide that blade cross his throat,
to lodge that screwdriver into his head,
to pull that trigger with no regret,
leaving little room for guilt,
and no reason for remorse.
Or apologies.
But me?

I'm sorry.

You know how it is.

Feeling: Really tired

I feel like running away and joining the circus.

Sometimes I wonder whether I hurt people. I'm sure I do/did, and I'm sorry; my eyes can't deal with this at the moment.

Who the hell knows if the truth exists or not anyway?

Cut off all loose ties and bleed for days. Who could stand veins with friends like these?

Listening to: Tom Sawyer by Deadsy

Man. Johnny Depp is amazing. ♥ If I could meet any celebrated actor in the world, it would be him. He's so brilliant, it makes me sad.

Feeling: Enraged
Listening to: Somewhere Down In Fullerton by Allister

You fucking asshole. :]

Excuse the vulgarity.

I know this is late, but I didn't want to be one of those hundred girls who posted on the 22nd of January all with the same message: Poor Heath. I hope you had a good life. So, I'm leaving my message to him now. Not that it really matters, 'cause it actually seems kind of silly to mourn over the death of someone you don't know, and it's not like he's going to read this, but I think I'm allowed the right to dream.

I'm sorry you had to go; you were a beautiful man and death is just something I've come to really abhor simply because it comes and takes away life just as suddenly as it was given to us.


Be free, Heath Ledger. 4th April 1979 to 22nd January 2008.
♥♥♥♥

Feeling: Grumbly
Listening to: I'm Not Pretending by Red Lipstick Letter

I'm sleepy. Nooooooo.

Well, anyway, I plan on finishing my work before it bites me in the ass. Take that IB! *Whacks IB in the head with a frying pan.

Whoever keeps calling my house number in the middle of the night, please stop. It wakes people up and it disappoints them when you just hang up as soon as we answer. I mean, it's okay if you talk a little, but you don't, so I think it may just be annoying. Thank you. :]

I keep turning my aircon on and off 'cause it gets too cold, then it gets too hot. I wonder if doing this continuously will break it.

I "played" (if I can even use that word loosely) touch rugby after school today, then had a nice shower after being all sweaty, after which I did some work while simultaneously procrastinating. It felt good. ;D

I don't even know what this is about. Night.

Oh, and I don't usually do this, but Mr. Grenadey Mongoose, I hope your wings are still working, you 18-year-old, you.

Feeling: Restless
Listening to: Anarchy Camp by NOFX

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

If you can't tell, I'm panicking.

Feeling: Frustrated
Listening to: Dirty and Left Out by The Almost

I don't necessarily want to see you crumble, but it looks like you're at that stage where no one but yourself can help you turn your life around and stop you from being a fucking prick; it's all up to you. Identify it, accept it's reality, and do something about it, 'cause it's driving me crazy seeing you slowly sink further and further into that black hole of no return. And I know, it driving my crazy is not a reason for you to take action, but hell, who's keeping track?

I want to care, but everything that has become (or has always been?) you is telling me to stop trying because you won't care and I'll just be throwing myself down a spiral of frustration.

Yet somehow, one of the voices in my head is telling me this will change nothing, and because you're just too blind to everything else happening around you that doesn't concern you directly (anymore?), you probably won't even know it's you I'm talking to.

And my brother is an asshole.

And yay for no electricity and today's exams being cancelled.

Feeling: Panicky
Listening to: Discovering The Waterfront by Silverstein

Greetings and salutations. I have a lovely plateful of important updates for every little boy and girl out there today.

1. I had dinner at 4:30PM the other day. It was weird.
   
2. Exploding lightbulbs are scary. Make sure you have a high standard of quality. It happened just now, actually. There was a loud "bang" and then the sound of glass shattering as it hits the ground. And now some of the light switches don't work and I swear it wasn't my fault. :]
   
3. I was watching TV and the video for Tokio Hotel's Ready, Set, Go! was playing, and I thought, hey, they seem pretty cool, I'll download them, and that gives me a new band with female vocals. So, I got a few of their songs, and was giggling to myself, saying how the vocals were so cute and similar to Flee The Seen's, as in it sounds like a little boy singing. I looked them up on trusty Wikipedia, and I thought it was weird there weren't any female names listed under the 'members', but I kept looking anyway. And there on the page was "Bill Kaulitz - lead vocals (b. 1 September 1989)" Hahahahahahaha. She's a guy (and I did an image search to confirm this, too, because I was in denial for a while). I feel really bad and kind of stupid, but I mean, he's pretty. And he sounds like a girl. Hahah.

But moving on, the world is in danger, flee your homes immediately and save your loved ones before they save themselves and realise they don't need you as much as they thought they did.

Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to be studying.

Stay tuned for more lovely platefuls of important updates.

Feeling: Tired
Listening to: Down And Out by The Academy Is...

Guess what?! Mock exams tomorrow! Wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooo.

But, yes, I did change the layout. I'm glad you noticed. Hahaha, oh, stop it; it's nothing. In fact, I was going for that simple look. You're right, you're right; I liee, hahaha. I was just lazy. Oh, you're so funnyyy. *Giggles.

Haahh. Ever want to just stop how you're living and do something completely different because everything happening now is getting on your nerves and making you twitch? Me neither. Heh. Heh. Hehh. Honest. *Nods.

Why is the truth so hard to find?

Feeling: Runny nosey
Listening to: Stab My Back by The All-American Rejects

Well, that was stupid.

I didn't want to get home too late 'cause I knew I had some studying to do, so I came home at two in the afternoon. But when I got home, I spent the next three hours sleeping, which wasn't very useful; it was actually kind of very stupid. Hahahaa. I actually like having plans. I just never follow them. To me, they're more like references; something I can pretend I'm doing and perhaps to remind me of how things could have gone, had I been obedient enough.

Hehehe. Further Seems Forever's cover of N'Sync's Bye Bye Bye was just playing, and it's very cute. I love his voice.

Oh, yeah. Merry 2008; let's hope for the best. I'll say something meaningful next time.