Feeling: Lovely

in·ter·view /ˈɪntərˌvyu/
–noun

1. A formal meeting in which one or more persons question, consult, or evaluate another person.

Mine was today, and it was horrible.

So horrible that I don't want to go to that university anymore nor do I want to go to university at all. I just want to die. :] That's all.

Stupid dreams. Getting vulnerable and susceptible of being crushed like that. Pssh.

By the way, have I mentioned that for more-than-adequate reasons, I have abandoned all hope and faith in humanity and everything attached to it, from our white picket fences to our inability to connect with each other?

I had something else also very pessimistic and misanthropic to say, but I chose not to hurt your eyes too much from the damage the light from the screen causes. So, instead, I shall leave you now in a mysterious puff of purple smoke.

Feeling: Mean
Listening to: Risque by Cute Is What We Aim For

My, my. Isn't this awkward?

You know what would make it even more awkward? If I told you how sometimessssss I wish things weren't the way they are. And wow, my tenses are all messed up, but the thing in my head that helps me think is so non-existant right now that I can't even tell if it's right or wrong or just confusing.

But, hello. Take a pill.

Like I said, I wish things didn't have to be the way they are.

Oh, and I have a confession to make.

You know how at the top of most posts it tells you what I'm listening to?

Well.

Sometimes.

I'm not actually listening to music.

So.

What I type down are the songs that are playing in my head.

Hehehehehehehehe. :D

Feeling: Apathetic

I promise to write an article on cussing and why it shouldn't be considered a bad thing.

One day.

When I get around to it.

Cheese.

Feeling: Strange

I was supposed to watch a movie on Thursday, but oh, my God, there were no good movies to watch, and the only ones remotely decent were showing in the morning (Actually, I lie. I suspect Sweeny Todd is more than just remotely decent (And I know, I should have seen it already, but sadly, that would be wishful thinking), but for drama's sake, let me continue), which isn't very cool. But anyway, I went out nonetheless, and I noticed the many heart-shaped things around. And all that red and pink. And flowers. And people holding hands.

What the hell?!

It's Single Thursday, and these people have nothing better to do than remind us that we're alone and probably meant to be that way. And then I see these signs saying "Happy Valentine's Day!" as if they don't know it's Single Thursday. I mean, really... "Valentine's Day"? I'm sure they could have come up with a better lie than that. Who would be so stupid as to actually believe in this "Valentine's Day" anyway? Nice try, society. Just try harder next time, okay? Everyone knows there's no such thing as "Valentine's Day". Could have fooled me, but I'm too smart for that (Hahahaha). ;D

And so, to you I say, "Pssssssssssh."

By the way, (and I know this is well overdue) Happy Single Thursday!

This post has lots of brackets. Yayyy.

Some people would say I'm in denial, but come on. It's me. I live to not be in denial. :D :D :D :D

Feeling: Anxious
Listening to: The Behavior Explains by The Brothers Martin

I don't know if I owe anyone an apology, but if I do, there you go.

I think everyone's just waiting for February to be over, so we can move passed Single Thursday and the annoyingly looming due dates, but I think I want to curl up in a ball and hiss at anyone that comes within the five meter radius I'll have to draw in with chalk, instead of succumbing to the humanity that I've so long ago given up on. But, you know, I guess that would be kind of stupid seeing as it'd mean I fail the course. Which I don't want to happen.

Right?

Xing nian kuai le, by the way, 'cause I speak Chinese. Hahahah. Not really, but I think I do an alright job at pretending I do. And did I mention Malay class is really super boring? Well, it is.

Actually, I think I just want this whole thing to be over. :]

PS: Have you no shame?

Feeling: Discouraged

Unsuccessful.

Feeling: It's about time I went to bed
Listening to: Suffocating Under Words Of Sorrow by Bullet For My Valentine

Turns out Business class can be quite productive after all.

Sort of. :]

Weakness or Strength?
Anger.
The fiery demon that eats your soul,
sends you spiraling,
makes you want to explode,
destroying yourself and everything else,
biting at your insides,
urging you to shout.
Fight.
Scream.
Ward off whoever tries to "help",
whoever pretends to care,
giving an absolutely appropriate cause
to slide that blade cross his throat,
to lodge that screwdriver into his head,
to pull that trigger with no regret,
leaving little room for guilt,
and no reason for remorse.
Or apologies.
But me?

I'm sorry.

You know how it is.

Feeling: Really tired

I feel like running away and joining the circus.

Sometimes I wonder whether I hurt people. I'm sure I do/did, and I'm sorry; my eyes can't deal with this at the moment.

Who the hell knows if the truth exists or not anyway?

Cut off all loose ties and bleed for days. Who could stand veins with friends like these?

Listening to: Tom Sawyer by Deadsy

Man. Johnny Depp is amazing. ♥ If I could meet any celebrated actor in the world, it would be him. He's so brilliant, it makes me sad.

Feeling: Enraged
Listening to: Somewhere Down In Fullerton by Allister

You fucking asshole. :]

Excuse the vulgarity.

I know this is late, but I didn't want to be one of those hundred girls who posted on the 22nd of January all with the same message: Poor Heath. I hope you had a good life. So, I'm leaving my message to him now. Not that it really matters, 'cause it actually seems kind of silly to mourn over the death of someone you don't know, and it's not like he's going to read this, but I think I'm allowed the right to dream.

I'm sorry you had to go; you were a beautiful man and death is just something I've come to really abhor simply because it comes and takes away life just as suddenly as it was given to us.


Be free, Heath Ledger. 4th April 1979 to 22nd January 2008.
♥♥♥♥

Feeling: Grumbly
Listening to: I'm Not Pretending by Red Lipstick Letter

I'm sleepy. Nooooooo.

Well, anyway, I plan on finishing my work before it bites me in the ass. Take that IB! *Whacks IB in the head with a frying pan.

Whoever keeps calling my house number in the middle of the night, please stop. It wakes people up and it disappoints them when you just hang up as soon as we answer. I mean, it's okay if you talk a little, but you don't, so I think it may just be annoying. Thank you. :]

I keep turning my aircon on and off 'cause it gets too cold, then it gets too hot. I wonder if doing this continuously will break it.

I "played" (if I can even use that word loosely) touch rugby after school today, then had a nice shower after being all sweaty, after which I did some work while simultaneously procrastinating. It felt good. ;D

I don't even know what this is about. Night.

Oh, and I don't usually do this, but Mr. Grenadey Mongoose, I hope your wings are still working, you 18-year-old, you.

Feeling: Restless
Listening to: Anarchy Camp by NOFX

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

If you can't tell, I'm panicking.

Feeling: Frustrated
Listening to: Dirty and Left Out by The Almost

I don't necessarily want to see you crumble, but it looks like you're at that stage where no one but yourself can help you turn your life around and stop you from being a fucking prick; it's all up to you. Identify it, accept it's reality, and do something about it, 'cause it's driving me crazy seeing you slowly sink further and further into that black hole of no return. And I know, it driving my crazy is not a reason for you to take action, but hell, who's keeping track?

I want to care, but everything that has become (or has always been?) you is telling me to stop trying because you won't care and I'll just be throwing myself down a spiral of frustration.

Yet somehow, one of the voices in my head is telling me this will change nothing, and because you're just too blind to everything else happening around you that doesn't concern you directly (anymore?), you probably won't even know it's you I'm talking to.

And my brother is an asshole.

And yay for no electricity and today's exams being cancelled.

Feeling: Panicky
Listening to: Discovering The Waterfront by Silverstein

Greetings and salutations. I have a lovely plateful of important updates for every little boy and girl out there today.

1. I had dinner at 4:30PM the other day. It was weird.
   
2. Exploding lightbulbs are scary. Make sure you have a high standard of quality. It happened just now, actually. There was a loud "bang" and then the sound of glass shattering as it hits the ground. And now some of the light switches don't work and I swear it wasn't my fault. :]
   
3. I was watching TV and the video for Tokio Hotel's Ready, Set, Go! was playing, and I thought, hey, they seem pretty cool, I'll download them, and that gives me a new band with female vocals. So, I got a few of their songs, and was giggling to myself, saying how the vocals were so cute and similar to Flee The Seen's, as in it sounds like a little boy singing. I looked them up on trusty Wikipedia, and I thought it was weird there weren't any female names listed under the 'members', but I kept looking anyway. And there on the page was "Bill Kaulitz - lead vocals (b. 1 September 1989)" Hahahahahahaha. She's a guy (and I did an image search to confirm this, too, because I was in denial for a while). I feel really bad and kind of stupid, but I mean, he's pretty. And he sounds like a girl. Hahah.

But moving on, the world is in danger, flee your homes immediately and save your loved ones before they save themselves and realise they don't need you as much as they thought they did.

Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to be studying.

Stay tuned for more lovely platefuls of important updates.

Feeling: Tired
Listening to: Down And Out by The Academy Is...

Guess what?! Mock exams tomorrow! Wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooo.

But, yes, I did change the layout. I'm glad you noticed. Hahaha, oh, stop it; it's nothing. In fact, I was going for that simple look. You're right, you're right; I liee, hahaha. I was just lazy. Oh, you're so funnyyy. *Giggles.

Haahh. Ever want to just stop how you're living and do something completely different because everything happening now is getting on your nerves and making you twitch? Me neither. Heh. Heh. Hehh. Honest. *Nods.

Why is the truth so hard to find?

Feeling: Runny nosey
Listening to: Stab My Back by The All-American Rejects

Well, that was stupid.

I didn't want to get home too late 'cause I knew I had some studying to do, so I came home at two in the afternoon. But when I got home, I spent the next three hours sleeping, which wasn't very useful; it was actually kind of very stupid. Hahahaa. I actually like having plans. I just never follow them. To me, they're more like references; something I can pretend I'm doing and perhaps to remind me of how things could have gone, had I been obedient enough.

Hehehe. Further Seems Forever's cover of N'Sync's Bye Bye Bye was just playing, and it's very cute. I love his voice.

Oh, yeah. Merry 2008; let's hope for the best. I'll say something meaningful next time.

I didn't update much while I was away.

Hahahaha. Okay, I didn't update at all while I was away. But this is what I did do:

Date: 10th December, 2007
Time: 9:50PM
Location: In bed, Taumarunui
Listening to: Confessions by Bleed The Dream

While on "vacation", I decided it would be best if I attempted to do some work, be it for the EE, IAs, or just plain studying for the closer-than-you-think exams.

I am now taking a chance at doing the second draft of my EE. Lets see how this turns out 'cause I'm already sleepy. Hehehehehehe.

Oh, yah. The sheep is good. The dogs are great. The cat is awesome. And the cows are simply the best. But no creature can beat the grass, 'cause it's just beautiful.

Note: Slight exaggeration may be in order, but who knows, really?

Date: 21st December, 2007
Time: 10:53PM
Location: In bed, Taumarunui
Listening to: Never Say "I Told You So" by The Almost

It's been a while since I even thought about updating my curious and faithful readers (hahah), but here I am, my followers; I have returned.

I've spent the past week in Wanganui, Wellington, Porirua and Paraparaumu, doing stuff (which isn't really stuff, but you know how it is), and I just got back tonight. I've had the perfect pair of shoes for me planned out in my head for the whole length of the trip, it's just so much harder finding them in real life, hahah.

Which reminds me... I'd like to let you know that I do finally understand the silly and uncontrollable way I download music. I bought The Almost's Southern Weather two days ago before realizing that I had all the songs on my laptop, which means I didn't realize how nice they sound. They are rather tip-top I must say, simply charming. Hahaha (I don't know what I was trying to do there. I think I was trying to compliment them and tell you to give them a good, hard listen, if you haven't already, please. ;]).

And I haven't even started studying properly yet! Ahhhhhh. With mock exams fourteen days away. Ahhhhhh. Very unhealthy. :|

Well, I have some suicidal tendencies to pursue. Cheerio.

Date: 22nd December, 2007
Time: 11:10PM
Location: In bed, Taumarunui
Listening to: Scars That Save by Kids In The Way

There's something terribly alerting about looking through old photo albums and seeing what things people you think you know have done. My dad's had wonderful adventures, and it makes me feel minute when I realise my dreams are so small. I want to travel across the world, sleep in on the sidewalk, make friends with strangers; the pictures make it seem amazing.

It's weird discovering how people can change so much within a matter of years, but if anything happens, I hope I change for the better.

The last 36 hours were a bit weird for me, but I'm back in Brunei finally.

There's an emotion you don't get to feel in its wholeness until you miss a flight you were supposed to catch. First, you're just generally pissed off and want to scream at anyone who talks to you, touches you, moves around you. Then, you start to consider the possibility that this whole problem may be your own fault, which makes you even more frustrated. Finally, you tell yourself to calm down as possible solutions pop up in your head; everything will be okay and the blame you wanted to rub off yourself disintegrates into itself.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, my flight was shifted two hours earlier and I wasn't told, so when I was waiting in line to check in, the sign with my flight on it disappeared and instead of putting two and two together, I just thought it was weird. When it was finally my turn to be served, I asked the lady behind the counter if I checked in for Brunei there, and she just looked at me funny and said the flight's already left. Bla, bla, bla. Drama, drama, drama. My dad spoke with the supervisor and she rerouted us (me and my brother) by putting us on an aeroplane to Brisbane, which meant we had to wait at the Brisbane airport for 6 hours for our next flight to Brunei. We got meal vouchers though, so that took about 10 minutes off our hands. Falling asleep in random places, buying MAD magazines and lots of chocolate and Aero bars. Lovely. :p

Yes, I realize my life isn't very interesting and neither are the 'adventures' I have, but it's all I've got (excluding the stories I make up in my head). For now. ;D

Talk to you later.

Feeling: Full
Listening to: Come Back by The Early November
Departure from Brunei in: 2 days

Finally ticked off most of the stuff on my list of things to do this week. *Wipes sweat off forehead.

I gave my TOK prestentation today and at the end of the day, Steveuraxeferous the inflatable green alien was dead and... *Sniffs. leaking. :'[

And I just realised how close I am to leaving to New Zealand; I'm panicking. Hahahaaa. I don't understand it either.

Feels like there's something stuck in my throat, but I can't get it out and my throat just annoyingly hurts like hell. Well, not really. I don't know what hell hurts like. :]

Ta-ta, now.