Oh, my goodness. I've thought about this before, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to embarrass myself, but the Click Five's new vocalist has brought a new light to the band. He makes them not as wimpy as they used to be, and his voice is very, very sexy. The whole band even looks sexier with him. It almost seems sinful. Make him stop. The sexiness! Noooooooooooo.

Feeling: Destroyed

I have vivid dreams most of the time, and some of them are pretty strange. Like the other night when I dreamed there was a whale in my living room. Or when I dreamed I was holding 4 mice by the tails and I ate them whole, leaving the tails, of course, 'cause I was holding them.

House is on TV, and he recently said something that made me stop and think. This guy is about to die, so he says, "I've always wondered what was on the other side," and House replies, "Nothing."

And you know... what if there is nothing?

Feeling: Frustrated
Watching: Rocko's Modern Life

Awww. Rocko's episodes keep ending sadly. :[ It's frustrating. Poor Rocko.

I live for Fridays; it's the only day I can come home from school and not do work and not have a feeling of guilt hanging around my neck.

From the outside of a house, we call the thing on top the roof, but when we're under it, we call the thing above our heads a ceiling. So, why do we call the top of our mouths the roof? I think I should make a petition announcing the phrase be changed to "ceiling of my mouth." Hahah, I'm sorry, I was thinking about it after lunch today when I was talking about how the ceiling of my mouth was burnt.

Hahahaaaaa. Searching for potential universities is hard.

Oh, my God. Rocko's high, hahaha. How weird for a Nickelodeon cartoon.

Thank goodness for 10 to 12 Classic Nick. :]

Yeah, this post jumps from one thing to another and back again. Were you seriously expecting a logical, well-thought post? That's just crazy.

Feeling: Uncomfortable
Listening to: My Lovely by Eisley

So. Like. 'Sup?

:p

This is awkward.

Hahaha.

I've had about 10 days in between posts for the past month, and I'm sorry the internet hasn't been my top priority lately (Well, not really. I'm not sorry). I've been spending most of my time at school, sleeping, doing work, eating, and occasionally watching the TV that always seems to be on. I've also given myself the rule that I need sleep everyday, and no amount of work is worth an all-nighter. Because of this new rule of me needing sleep and having lots of work to do, I haven't been able to watch Pepper Ann in the mornings because I'm usually too tired at 5AM. I know. Shameful. But on a brighter note, I've been able to finish work right before the deadlines, which isn't really that bright a note, but I guess it's better than nothing. And it proves my need to (let's be metaphorical today) get ahead of the ball A.S.A.P., before I start missing my shots.

I think I need a lifestyle change. Hahah.

Oh, man.

I'm very sad. I have finally received official word that the Singapore trip has been cancelled due to not enough people wanting to take over the world. But since there are a few people extremely eager to go, the dream of them going could be fulfilled if only they were willing to hack up a few extra hundred dollars, to add to the already large amount of money initially offered.

Woe is me.

On the brighter side, looks like Brunei's stuck with me next weekend. Which means, of course, absolutely nothing. :D

You know how sometimes you shake your head and say, "He/She's changed"? Did you ever stop to wonder whether it was you who changed, and not him/her? Or maybe it was your view of him/her that'd changed?

Or how about when you turn away from your problems, without actually solving them? Push even the thought of them to the back of your mind, and just forget they ever existed? I know. It sure can seem like the easiest thing to do at those times. But lately, I've been reacquainted with the idea that maybe it's not. Maybe some problems are meant to be fixed and not ignored. Or maybe we're all robots.

But anyway, I hate the way the E! News people talk about celebrities as if they actually know them. The way they make their little criticisms and pretend they know what they're talking about. "Oh, Britney's VMA performance was terrible. It's probably because she's in a total state of emotionally breaking down." Aaaaaaaaaaah, shuddup.

Disclaimer: That isn't an actual quote; I made it up as an example.

I'm so sick of life.

Feeling: Miniscule

You can change the world.

But on a completely different note, I'm going to Singapore on the 21st for some secret meeting for people who want to take over the world. I come back on the 23rd, so, if you think I'm missing during that time, it might just be because I'm out of the country, or maybe I really did go missing.

I was also thinking how it would be cool to go to Miri on the 8th of September to go to the Rockfest 3, but I just found out about something else that I kind of need to respectfully attend more than music concerts right now, no matter how rad they may turn out to be.

And so ends my wonderful post. My next one will be on giraffes and their many styles of mating calls.

Feeling: Reminiscent
Listening to: Whispers (I Hear You) by All That Remains

School's been stealing most of my time. And sleep, but let's just blame school 'cause we all know school's more evil than sleep.

I'm supposed to be doing work. So, off I go, like a good girl. To save the world; not do work - that's for losers. Work's for losers. And I'm not a loser. :D No sirree; not me.

And "Listening To Freddy Mercury" by Emery has the sexiest screams. Like woah-I'm-going-to-have-to-rape-Emery-after-listening-to-this kind of sexy. Yep. Very sexy.

PS: I went to the prayer thing for that something I spoke of in my last post, and the atmosphere at the house was so depressingly solemn. The first thing I was greeted by was my sister's husband screaming (if you didn't know, it was his brother and he was very upset), and then a baby that'd just finished crying, followed by more saddening things, like seeing his father slumped in a chair in the kitchen, smoking and looking so lost and uncertain of everything around him. It made me feel selfish.

Car Accident Takes 2 Lives

I may be overreacting, but it's the first time something like this has happened to someone I knew, so excuse me if you think this is getting annoying. I don't really know how to act, but I'll smile for now if that'll make you feel better. :]

He was a nice boy, who got a little caught up with the idea of growing up, as we do.

Okay, that sentence doesn't make sense. I was trying to be wise and inspirational. Might not be my thing.

Rest in peace, dear brother.

Feeling: Disconnected
Listening to: Playing With Fire (Acoustic) by Emery

I don't know the full story, but I'm guessing the bottom line sounds something like, "Don't drink and drive."

Death is a horrible thing. But for some reason, it's different when it's someone you know as opposed to someone you don't know personally.

Why?

It's hard when you're sitting there worrying about school, trying to finish as much work as you can 'cause frankly, it's a nuisance having it around, at 2AM, and your mum comes out of her room to tell you your friend has just passed away. You start to feel guilty you ever worried so much about something as stupid as school; it even starts to seem insignificant as it blurs into the back of your mind for that little while. Your eyes water and you realize you can't deal with this now. Not now. Not while you have other things to worry about.

It's frustrating.

When did you become the one without regret?

And he was only 16. :[

♥♥♥♥

Feeling: Out of breath
Listening to: Red And Dying Evening by Alesana

A cockroach this big just jumped on my laptop screen. I screamed, then I seemed to remember an ad that made bugs appear to be crawling on the screen, so I assumed this was an ad as well, so I said out loud (Yes, I talk to myself when I feel horrified), "Whoa, I thought it was real." I then tilted my head to the right a little and took a closer look, and the nasty thing jumped off the screen, which of course made me jump out of my chair and say "Oh, shit. It is real!" Then, I stood there staring at it for a while. I think this was the moment we fell in love for a second or two. It was short-lived 'cause the next thing I knew I had bugspray in my hands. I sprayed it, but it flew and it jumped and it got lost in my many colour pencils, so now I don't know where it is. :D

Yeah, I just needed to let the internet know because the adrenalin was pumping and I thought, "I am so cool." Then, remembered who I was and realized that no, I'm not. Hahahah.

Feeling: Thirsty
Listening to: Between Silence And Solitude by All That Remains

Regarding something I said in my previous post, guess who was on the front page of Saturday's Borneo Bulletin? My sister! Well, I mean, there was an article about her and the trip to Miri.

But enough of her, let's get back to conceited little ol' me.

Flyleaf's getting pretty big now. I just watched Die Hard 4, so I just found out I'm So Sick was in it, and they were also on MTV's Amplified the other day, and you know what happens to bands when they go on MTV...

They take over the world!

Feeling: Incomplete
Listening to: Dear Tragedy by Bayside

I guess I'm pretty slow to not have known anything about this, but for those who are even slower, on the 7th, Embracing Beyond was released on Kristal FM for the first time. It's a collaboration between some members of Airholes, Wan Long Kok, Incisive, Senjakala, Not Famous and I Mean The Snakes, and... well, let's let the music speak for itself.Yeah, it's pretty darn good. So good, I had to sneakily sneak the song into my post sneakily. I had fun deciding which vocalist sang which part. It's not up for download anywhere, but you can request it on Kristal FM, so go crazy.

I've also got baby duty this weekend, 'cause my sister went to this mass wedding thing in Miri, and I'm guessing my mum liked the idea of staying up all night tending to a tiny crying milk-drinker that keeps farting (and is actually very cute, but that's only because she gets cuter every time I see her). So, hey, I might be up to watch Pepper Ann at 5AM.

Dear Tragedy, I never had anybody, but being alone wasn't half as bad as being obsessed with a breath-taker; a smile-faker. These years alone have eaten me alive.

Does anyone else's life seem to have no meaning and/or direction?

Hmm. Just me then?

Feeling: Wide-Eyed

Baybeats was awesome. All three days had wonderful bands playing, and I loved every minute of it. I can't wait for Singfest; 10 hours of amazing music!

I mean, that's what I would be saying if my dreams of going to Singapore hadn't been crushed, but seeing as they did unfortunately become impossible, despite the fact that Baybeats so wanted me to be there, I shall say this instead:

Oogity boogity.

And if you didn't notice, I'm so not in a state of utter denial and frustration about anything at all.

I somehow feel as if I had something terribly important to get off my chest, but I seem to have already pushed it to the back of my head, never to be thought of again until a trigger is pulled and it resurfaces. So, good night. I'm going to go lie down on my bed, crawl under the covers and stare at the ceiling while imagining horrible things. You know how it is when you need to sleep but you just don't want to. ;]

Oh, I know. It's very sad posting your own pathetic teenage poetry on your online journal, but whoever said I wasn't sad? :D

Josephine
Her eyelashes curl flirtatiously,
black just like the night.
And the eyes that beg forgiveness,
closed and out of sight.

Her lips are cherry red,
as if dressed up like a doll.
The smile that's drenched in pain
peeled off - invisible to all.

Her heavy heart is cold as stone,
all her suffering drags it under.
The piercing cries that tug our minds,
resound just like the thunder.

The tears, they fall like lemondrops,
and those present begin to mourn.
She lays there so innocently,
almost begging to be reborn.

But true friends smile at the peaceful thought,
that she had fulfilled her quest.
Her head on the pillow, coffin tightly shut.
Her soul can finally rest.

Nothing's Wrong
Nothing's ever wrong,
but if you understood the meaning of 'nothing',
you'd know the reason I cry.
You would comprehend and realize
it's no use listening to my lies,
that there is no reason to trust my words,
for they come from my mouth,
and I am nothing but a speck on your glass.

Feeling: Inspired
Listening to: Entombed We Collide by Death By Stereo

Ants annoy me.

If you didn't notice the previous post before, that's because I forgot to publish it, hahaha. But you may continue to believe you're delusional and/or your internet is funky, if you wish.

Also, umm... *Squints eyes. *Strokes beard.

Nearly forgot what I wanted to say there. Lucky my super awesome memory saved me.

My dream of going to Singapore for Baybeats and/or Singfest is slowly drifting further and further away; almost to the state of being non-existant, and it's sad, but oh-so-painfully true. :[ Avenged Sevenfold... *Wipes tear.

What is life? A madness. What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story, and the greatest good is little enough, for all life is a dream.

Feeling: Joyous
Listening to: Empty Space by Lifehouse

Today, we shall talk about wonderful things. Things like Minesweeper, the phone book, lozenges, and a possible future profession. Not necessarily in that order, or presented in the most appropriate way either.

I stumbled upon a wonderful video a few hours ago, it taught me how to stop the clock on Minesweeper, so you get a ridiculously high score (I've got mine at 2 seconds, hahahaha). But who wants to wait for a video to load when you can just read this and find out in seconds what you're supposed to do, ey?

Weeeeelllll, you know that button you press to open up the Start menu? It's called the 'Windows Key' apparently, but anyway, if you've got a Minesweeper window open, click to make your first move, then as gracefully and quickly as you can, press this so-called Windows Key and then press 'D', while still holding the Windows Key down. This'll bring you to your desktop, but once you open your Minesweeper window again, you'll see the time has stopped, and you can complete your game with no time restraints.

I know, I know; I'm evil.

Also, I'd advise setting your time to something more believable, if you want to show off, that is. 'Cause I mean, 2 seconds is hardly comprehensible. :D Oh yeah, and this would only work if you know how to play Minesweeper.

Anyway, I'm sure you all don't really care about Minesweeper. And the only reason you read this far is because you didn't want to make me feel bad and so you could have more reasons to make fun of me.

That mini tornado we had earlier was refreshing, didn't you think so?

Did you see that? I swiftly topic-changed so fast you didn't notice enough to care. I should go into professional topic-changing.

I've been sick, if you didn't already know. I found some anaesthetic lozenges in the medicine drawer though, so that entertained me for a while. :] Then they finished and I had to stick with Strepsils which are hardly as good, and that's partly because I kept accidentally swallowing whole lozenges and getting them stuck in my throat which is really quite painful, you know.

Looking after my aunt's flower shop while she's not able to do so herself between the hours of 8AM and 5PM can be quite rewarding. I didn't know the recent editions of the phone book had not only menu pages, but also a home-living section. Those few hours or less spent looking at every page of these sections in detail were not wasted at all. I learnt all about sofas and aromatherapeutic candles and plumbing. And did you know there's an Ayamku* Seafood Restaurant? Hahahah.

Alright. My bed beckons me. *Disappears into a puff of smoke.

I've seen the world; it's overrated.

*My chicken

I'd always thought the chorus to Polygraph, Right Now by the Spill Canvas was interesting, and I could sing along to the verses with no problem, too, but I didn't think it had any more properties, other than having a catchy tune and sounding like Coheed and Cambria. Until now, that is.

Especially these parts:

I wanna tear apart your room to see if what you say is true. Darling, don't you lie, lie to me. I wanna break into your heart to see why you want us apart. Oh, I'm scared to death to find out what you think of me.

According to you, we don't click; that's a blatant lie and you know it. Angel, what are you hiding from me? If there is truly another secret lunch-break, working-late lover, then I would die, but at least then I'd be free.

And oh, how I'd like to be free.

Feeling: Hungrrry
Listening to: Slit Your Own Throat by the Used

I'm gonna make me some toast, then I'll put peanut butter on it and after that, I'll get back to you.

Okay, there wasn't any peanut butter so I melted cheese instead.

So, here's the deal. I would really, really, really like to go to Singapore in the first and second week of August, but mostly the second. You will find out why in a few paragraphs.

I've been spending my days in the 1990s. If only that were true outside of my mind. I don't have a time machine, but I'm working on it. It was such a beautiful time period, and I think it was just because of the cartoons and video games, and maybe me being young and carefree. They should really have a channel with all of the old cartoons on it; being reacquainted with your childhood brings back strange nostalgic feelings. I miss those times; when our clothes didn't have to match and boys had kooties.

Oh, well. Here's a little something to keep you busy.Yes, a 30-minute video of 90's cartoon openings. 30 minutes seems rather long, but after reconnecting with your memories, time doesn't really seem that big of an issue. You'll see what I mean. It doesn't have every single cartoon I was looking for, but the rest of Youtube does.

We should take more time to remember. Why do we live so fast anyway?

And the answer is BayBeats and SingFest. The SingFest line-up includes Avenged Sevenfold, MXPX and The Academy Is..., which is awesome. BayBeats is just an amazing plus 'cause it's happening around the same time. It must be fate. I'm meant to watch BayBeats and SingFest. Meant to.

Last week was an interesting one, I'll tell you about it when I'm not so tired. Or not.

Actually, you know what, I'll just type it out now.

On the other hand, it doesn't seem so interesting anymore.

I don't sound like myself today, maybe I'm not.

Feeling: Dead
Listening to: Home by Sevendust

I've been strangely busy lately. Especially over the last 3 days, everything's been squished together and I kind of like it. Hahahahaha. Oh, that sounds bad.

My sister was admitted into the hospital on Monday morning, and I went around 4 in the afternoon. I stayed till around 1:30 Tuesday morning 'cause that's about the time when I was wishing I was in bed. If we'd waited 15 more minutes, we would have been there when she was giving birth. Hahaha. Okay, now you know; she was in the hospital 'cause she was making me a niece.

But lets talk about this labour room place. The waiting room is separated from it, and if you enter the waiting room from the labour room, you're actually locked out, so you can't get in unless they let you. Which is really mean. So when the time everyone was waiting for finally came, the nurses had kicked everyone out, including my sister's husband and they couldn't find anyone to accompany my sister while she was in labour. Sure, my sister's husband took a little walk to the shop, but this wouldn't have happened if they didn't lock people out, or kick them out for that matter. But anyway, during this time, I finally understood the black hole inside of me. It's my hatred for waiting rooms. All you do in them is wait, and I was waiting for nine hours. And you know what makes the waiting worse? The fact that that's all you can do. The room didn't even have any boring magazines. Or comfy chairs. Or board games. Or water dispensers. Or rainbows.

Moving on, I've also started sleepwalking again. Or I am aware that I sleepwalk once again. At 6:30 Monday morning, I stood at my mum's door, dripping wet and wrapped in a towel. Since I'm on holiday, my mum asked what I was doing up, and I replied, "I don't know," and walked back to my room. After ten minutes, my mum came to check on me in my room, and I was back in bed. Later that day, my mum asked why I'd done it, and I had no idea what she was talking about. If I had been sleepwalking, I managed to get undressed, have a shower, wrap myself in a towel, walk to my mum's room, get dressed, fold my towel and get back in bed. My brother confirmed I'd had a shower 'cause he said he was wondering why the bathroom floor was wet. If the wetness is because of me, and if I had indeed been sleepwalking, then I do strange things in my sleep. It scares me. I had a shower. In my sleep. You know what comes next, don't you?

The mass murders. *GASPPPS.

Alright, see you later, when I finally find time in between my wonderful adventures to tell you about them.

Hahahaha. Man, I'm sleepy.

Oh yeah, I turned seventeen on Tuesday. I know, I know, that darned Peterpan never shows up when he promises trips to Neverland. I just didn't think he'd do this to me; I've been a good friend. I've been there for him, and the only time I ever ask anything from him, he doesn't pull through. All I wanted was eternal youth and to live with pirates and mermaids. I am deeply disappointed. *Shakes head.