Feeling: Depressed
Listening to: Long Goodbye by Vendetta Red

Scissor Sisters is so stuck in my head right now. Better Luck is just the perfect song of love and losses. Lyrics? Surrreeeee.

Better Luck by Scissor Sisters
I know i'm into you
I don't know what to do
When we talk I feel like I've died twice
Boxers use it's fists
Hockey players break their wrist
You break my heart when you try to play nice

Like a detective whitout a case
I'll magnify what you say and
Test the implications
It could be you or it could be through
Before it even begins
I'm a fish swimming without fins

Better luck next time
Maybe we could have a go
With another kind of love
One that carries on
Better luck next time
Guess I've only one regret
That i didn't get to know you better than i did

You tell me that you're mine
Are you just being kind?
Let's not strech our imagination
When you look into my eyes
Always get them butterflies
My knees get weak with anticipation

And if I might have a slip of the tongue
Will the fun dissapear?
Is the binding coming undone?
You keep me waiting within your grasp
But I can't tell what you feel
And i'm too afraid to ask you

Better luck next time
Maybe we could have a go
With another kind of love
One that carries on
Better luck next time
Guess I've only one regret
That i didn't get to know you better than I did

Isn't that just gorgeous? It's like.. perfect. And since I was doing research on lyrics, I figured out their lyrics are actually really nice.

Oh yeah, and about me being depressed. I just am. I don't think I'll ever put something very much personal on the internet. It would hurt me to see people mock what I find painful. HAHA. No, but really, I'm a weakling in disguise. Or maybe I look like a weakling. Ngeh. I don't know. Don't you turn around and leave me alone. Cause everyone's standing here but I'm on my own. - Lyrics. Vendetta Red. The song I'm listening too. Pretty? Yes.

And due to my research on lyrics, I found the bestest lyrics by Senses Fail.
August Winterman by Senses Fail
And If I could teach the world to be..
I'd teach them all to be something just like me.
Frustrated, bitter, depressing.

Perfect - As if my wings were like yours
But I'm falling down.

And if you could hold your tongue long enough..
You'd see that all I am is love, but I don't like me.
I despise me.

Perfect - As if my wings were like yours
But I'm falling down.
Perfect - As if my wings were like yours
But I'm falling down.

It's a disease they'll never have a cure for.
You're the only way to dry my eyes.
It's a disease, they'll never have a cure.
But I'm the on whose wrong. I'm the one who cries.
It's a disease, they'll never have a cure for.
It's a disease, they'll never have a cure.
But I'm the on whose wrong. I'm the one who cries.

I cry - I despise me.

Beeeeeyuuuuutifullll. Lyrics rock my world. Pretty pretty lyrics. Right now, since even my hero isn't seeming perfect, I'm dying and lyrics are my only hope of survival. Unless of course... heros become heros again in the end. Can you be my hero? :)

Kau hancurkan hatiku, hancurkan lagi. Kau buatku terjatuh and terjatuh lagi. I love you. Even though you hancur my hati and make me terjatuh and terjatuh. Hyuck hyuck.

That reminds me. My fucking review and story are due next week, the 7th May. Dude, I haven't even started. I'm going to rot in deadline hell. Noooooo. Ngeh. It's not my fault. The movies I wanted to watch disappeared. I'm slow and unorganized and very spontaneous, so they just disappeared off the NOW SHOWING list. Them bastards.

Well, I'm going now. I'm gonna have more spasms of random bits of lyrics if I stay on any longer. I must sing. I can't stand it. Shit, I feel so mucked up. :/ WHY?!

*kisses your forehead* (Yes, YOUR forehead. :])

Feeling: Hungry
Listening to: Letters To You by Finch

I wonder if the last post made sense. It was just random thoughts coming together, I think. But ngeh. I figured out how to finish up that poem I tried writing.
When war has broken loose
and hell is giving birth,
We call upon people vaguely named.
The people who fled the noose,
and tried hard to keep their worth.
The people who ran naked - shamed.

But it was just disaster,
the crying they didn't stop.
Instead, they watched unblushingly.
Acting as some mortal master,
and running from bottom to top.
They know no heroism hushingly.

So, they sip their wine
and nibble their bread,
As if all is fine and well.
These damned heros that shined
and walked above the dead.
Their lives blossomed while ours fell.

They tred along the grave
and sung aloud songs of grief,
As if they could feel the pain.
These damned heros, they caved
and all withered like a leaf.
Their hearts taught only to slain.

So, tell me what is in a name?
For a name is so clumsily used.
It is merely a label for a face.
These selfish men, heros we claim,
But don't heros, too, become bruised?
These men are lies and don't deserve
the whorish title in all it's grace.

So, now it has an extended ending. Two lines instead of one. I wonder if that's been done before. Or did I invent it? Hehe. I just realized the beauty of Shakespeare, by the way. But I always loved Emily Dickinson, she's a genius.

Oh yeah, I wanted to post this, cause it's sweet.
Here I am beside myself again.
I'm torn apart by words that you have said.
And all in all,
I know we're falling apart.
Where did you run to so far away?
Here we are to sing you a song.
There you are asleep against the window pane
just like always.
You said you like to hear the rain sometimes.
And all I can do is tell you the truth.
And oh, my eyes will tell you the same.
Here we are to sing you a song.
There you are asleep again.
Grasp our hands together,
we feel we are one result.
And here we are to sing you a song.
And there you are asleep again...

We caught a rat in that sticky thing that caught and glued up the little bird. It's alive and breathing and fluffy and cute. Hehe. I have a thing for rats now, after reading Striptease. Damion's force control. Heh heh. So, we left the rat there. It was making weird noises. Rats sound like pigs when they squeel, by the way. Did you know that? Well, now you do. I'm so informative. So, anyway, it was making noises and squirming around. Now, it's stuck on it's back. Haha. The little dumbass. :) Rats are cute. End of entry. Thanks for reading my crap. La la la.

Feeling: Smelly

Hi and hello. I actually watched Disney on Ice on Tuesday night. It was a surprise 'cause I didn't know until that afternoon. Hehe. I missed the stupid Australian Film Festival so that review is gone and undoable. So, I thought I could review Disney in Ice, but now I'm having second thoughts coz... I don't know. It won't be interesting. Now, I'm still on that movie review theory, but I want it to be a horror flick, cause then I can rant about whether it was horrific or not. :) Yeah, baby. I wanna do some bashing.

About DoI, it was, I don't know. It's only for people who know the stories. And Mulan was there. So, I was just wondering why she's there since she's not a princess. That's false advertising, man. The theme is 'Princess Classics'. Haha. I don't know why that's funny. :) Back to DoI, I had to sit by myself for the first half cause all our tickets were seperated. I was in the Baiduri staff area. All the way up there. Hehe. But when break came, I went over to my sister's side and sat there cause there were some empty seats there. They had Cinderella(which was the only complete story), Mulan(I told you that), Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, the Little Mermaid and I think that's all. Hmm. I don't know what else to say about that. Not sure if it's worth your money or not. Oh yeah, and Mickey was gonna propose to Minnie, but people kept interrupting. Hehe.

I'm at the office now. Waiting for 6 o'clock so I can go to tuition. I'm too sleepy. I don't wanna go. And I smell. Haha. Sweat smell. Grosssss.

I got 56% for Chemistry, by the way. HAHA. I suck.

I'm running blank and out of time. But I know why Prince was acting so strange. Hehe. He's so cute. :P I'm going. Bye.

Oh, yes. I also want to ask why ANWAR got kicked out last episode of whore American Idol? Leave the voting to America, and see what happens. We get Bush again. That was totally racist, I know. But I've been dying to say that. :) I know not all you Americans are stupid. HAHA. There I go being racist again. I'm sorry. Slap me.

Feeling: Uncomfortable
Listening to: Glass In The Trees by Dead Poetic

Hello there. So, as it turns out, I do have my first article to write, two articles to be exact. And they're both for the Sunday Borneo Bulletin on the 27th May. So, look out for that one. My name'll be there. Hehe. I volunteered to write a review of a movie, because I just wanted to and since they're having that Australian Film Festival over here, I decided I'd watch one of those movies and review it. Maybe even with my movie buddy. The other article I have to write is a story. Fictional probably. And all this is due by 7th May. Eep.

Who is this movie buddy I speak of? He's my twin. The one I so fondly speak of. Haha. I met him for the first time on Friday, we went to see the Pacifier. He's funny and it just makes me wonder why he says he's so left out. Why would anyone wanna leave him out? He's great fun. You even get a little excercise. :P (We couldn't find anything to do, other than making the clown dance at the Mall, so we walked around. And that is what I call excercise.)

I was supposed to watch the movie with my other movie buddy, Jas, but she was late and I didn't know where she sat. And after the movie, she called out my name. I was worried about her. Hahaha. Yeh, so I thanked her for watching the movie 'with me'. :) Oh yeah. Clinton knows my name. :) Weeee.

I had my Chemistry and Add Maths test yesterday. And woah. I don't know how it went. Add Maths was shit though, and Chemistry was weird. I didn't know how to answer it, but after a while of staring at the page I went "Oooohh. It's like this." Just out of nowhere it came to me. And that is what I call weird.

Have any of you seen Hotel Rwanda? It's a true story, and I watched it yesterday. It was just so sad. I cried. Hehe. Unadmitedly, I cried. It was kind of repetitive though. Going backwards and forwards all over again. But still sad, nonetheless. I watched the Prince And Me and it too, was kind of repetitive. Same thing, going backwards and forwards. From this country to that. I'm not sure if I liked the movie. In the end, I was thinking the Prince is a dumbass. Why didn't he tell her(Paige) that he'd wait for her to finish what she wants to do before getting married? Why didn't he tell her when she was IN the same country as him? When she left? Why did he have to wait until she graduated to do it? It'd still be the same, his way was just a waste of time. Stupid.

Last night, there was a Hangi at the Yacht Club. And I'm still not even sure how to spell it. The dictionary says 'yacht' but everyone else, like my English teacher spells it 'yatch' which doesn't make sense. I like 'yacht' more. So, yes, what is a Hangi? It's how the Maoris in New Zealand cook the food in the ground by steaming it and yeh. It was okay. I guess. I had vegetarian sausage. Hehe. That was a hangi. A hongi is when they rub noses. And I learnt different tribes do it differently. The tribe I hongied with touched noses two times, instead of one. But there was no hongi-ing last night. This hongi I'm talking about was in NZ last year.

After eating, the band played and for once I just sat there and absorbed all the music. It was kind of beautiful and I felt so tiny. As if I wasn't there. As if I was watching from someplace else. I especially felt like this when the people started dancing and I thought it was sweet how all the old couples danced, along with children. I just watched. It was really interesting. One guy danced like a robotic fish. And another lady danced like a lizard/kangaroo. Well, this is how I do my judging. Haha. So, I think Hotel Rwanda made me feel different. I felt like everything was special. Good, I guess. But then I felt so alone last night. But that's the only bad part. Unless it's not bad.

I tried to write something last night, but all I got was this. And it's not even finished.
When war has broken loose
and hell is giving birth,
We call upon people vaguely named.
The people who fled the noose,
----------
----------

So, they sip their wine
and nibble their bread,
As if all is fine and well.
These damned heros that shined
and walked above the dead.
Their lives blossomed while ours fell.

They tred along the grave
and sung aloud songs of grief,
As if they could feel the pain.
These damned heros, they caved
and all withered like a leaf.
Their hearts taught only to slain.

So, tell me what is in a name?
For a name is so clumsily used.
It is merely a label for a face.
Our selfish men, heros we claim,
But don't heros too become bruised?
These heros are lies...
And don't deserve the name of grace.

It's shit. I think I'm going to study a little. Maths D. It's my only salvation. Haha. If you believe me.

Feeling: Shitty
Listening to: Ku Katakan Dengan Indah by Peterpan

kukatakan dengan indah
dengan terbuka
hatiku hampa
sepertinya luka
menghampirinya

kau beri rasa
yang berbeda
mungkin kusalah
mengartikannya
yang kurasa cinta

* tetapi hatiku
selalu meninggikanmu
terlalu meninggikanmu
selalu meninggikanmu

** kau hancurkan hatiku
hancurkan lagi
kau hancurkan hatiku
tuk melihatmu

kau terangi jiwaku
kau redupkan lagih
kau hancurkan hatiku
tuk melihatmu

back to *

membuatku terjatuh
dan terjatuh lagi

** membuatku merasakan
yang tlah terjadi
semua yang terbaik
dan yang terlewati
semua yang terhenti
tanpa kuakhiri

I feel shitty. That's not good. I wonder why. Does it have something to do with my mother robbing me of my time when I was supposed to be playing games with my twin? HAHA. Yeah, I was looking forward to it. Hehe. He's fun, that's why. Well, since I feel my time has been stolen, I don't feel like going to bed early. I'm weird, but I can't help feeling how I do. Some of the lyrics above are wrong, by the way.

Sunday, my brother cut a little slit in the palm of my hand with the scissors. I screamed kind of horrifiedly but when I saw what he did, I started laughing and I asked him "Why were you running around the house opening and closing the scissors anyway?" That's why it was funny. He's a little weirdo. Anyway, the cut is 0.6cm short. I measured. :) And it's scabbed up now.

Tomorrow I've got my first story as an Editorial board member. At least, that's what I think it is. I've got to go to the meeting room for some reason second period tomorrow though. And Stephanie said I have to write something too. Whatever that means. I just smiled and said "yeah", like I always do when I don't know what people are saying when they're taling to me.

I think I've cooled off now. I was very irritable just now though, because of reasons I wrote already. Nyeh.

Sunday, I also went to visit Rudy. He was much better than the first time I went to see him. This time, he could get out of bed and talk properly, instead of weakly. Yeh, he had stitches across his eye and temple. He got the stitches out yesterday, and I think he said his iris is white. :P Yeh. He was real happy when he sent me a message saying he's out of the hospital already and quote "free" unquote. Good for him.

I saw Prince last night. He was real cute and Princey. ;) You know, like he is. Gorgeous. Haha. He's sweet. He's my sugar, my heroin, my everything I need. I wonder if he needs me. :P

The highlight of the week is that there's no school on Thursday. It's a public holiday, which also means no tuition for me. :) Yayee. I get to sleeeeeep. Oh, how I missed you beautiful sleep. Speaking of sleep, I need some right now. And a shower. Eh. I keep calling people cows. Haha. Habitual already. Actually, I call people a lot of names. Here's a list, because I'm just that nice.

1. cows
   
2. boobies
   
3. my babies

Now that I look at that tiny list, it's not so many names. Haha. So, yeh, I'll be like "Hello, my babies" and "Come on, boobie" or "Get lost, cows". I'm very strange nowadays. I'm kind of insulting and ignorant and having a feeling of indifference. Like, in Accounts class, I was talking and talking to Far about Rudy and then the teacher was telling us off, she hadn't even gone back to her business when I said "and then..." and continued. La la la. I was thinking "It's just her." Hah. Hah.

Oh yes, I had a pet bird for a day. And then it died. HAHA. But I didn't do it. I swear. How we got the bird, with my mother not wanting any pets and disliking animals, is because we have this sticky trap to catch lizards and rats outside the house, and the bird was stuck to it. It was still alive, so we decided to help it. Only it was all sticky and it's wings, feet and beak were all glued and stuff. So we tried to take the glue off with spirit, I guess it worked. It was alive yesterday morning, but when I came back from school in the afternoon, it was dead. So, yeh. Another unsuccessful attempt to show my responsibleness. ;)

I'll go now. Bubui.

Feeling: Addicted
Listening to: Suicidal Dream by Silverchair

Beep. This is cool. I'm OJ-ing really updatedly.

Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don't they know it's the end of the world
'Cause you don't love me any more

Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

Those are lyrics for 'The End Of The World'. And it's stuck in my head. Haha. Old songs are rocking my world right now. Yeah, go oldie songs!

Anyway... I've... forgotten what I was going to say. Poo. That sucks.

Oh yes, and I've been chosen to be on the Editorial Commitee. I've always wanted to be on it for some strange reason. Haha. So, that means I get to help with the arrangement and stuff of the newspaper and etc. And.. and.. I get a 'reporters' card' so I can go to functions and things without a problem. Muahahaha. I'm a reporter. HAHA. It's funny. Laugh with me.

Feeling: Strange
Listening to: Video Killed The Radio Girl by Madonna

Hey yo. I forgot to mention in the last entry that we got 2nd for the volleyball competition. So, yeah, we still get to go up on stage and get our silver medals. :P Weeeeeee.

The pimple by my lip is annoying the hell out of me. It hurts. :( I hate pimples.

Isn't it strange when you suddenly realize how precious everything is, and how stupid people can be. I'm saying this because a terrible thing has happened. Rudy's in the hospital. Or the 'spital' as I keep being told. Hehe. Back to the story... He was in a car accident and he wasn't driving. And the ironic part is the driver didn't even get hurt. And Rudy(he's my friend who always comes and borrow my CDs and talks with me to keep my from dying of boredom)'s in the hospital getting an operation on his eye. Let's start from the beginning.

Tuesday afternoon, Rudy and his friend were driving. His friend is from UBD and he had to go to tuition, so he was in a hurry. He started speeding and when it came time to turn, he lost control and couldn't steer properly, bashing into the lamp post. Glass went into Rudy's eyes and cut his left wrist. The back of his head is bleeding too(yes, it still is bleeding, sort of). He's got scratches all over his arms and across the right side of his face. He couldn't open his right eye, and he could only open his left eye slightly to look at me when I went to visit him. The doctor said that he won't be able to see from his right eye anymore. So, basically, he's blind in one eye. And they said if his right eye still hurts after one week, they have to take his eye ball out. And I heard all this from a weak but strong man lying down in a hospital bed, dressed in those blue pants-less pajamas.

When I saw him, I didn't recognize him at first. But then, I did and his mother put a seat by his bed for me. That's where we talked and everything. I didn't know what to say. I felt like crying. Rudy told me he thought he was going to die that day of the accident because his face was all bloody and blood was exiting his mouth. And when he told me about his eye being blind and taken out, he said with the utmost dignity that he's still got his life. :P It was cute. And I must add that Prince was nice enough to take me to the hospital and stand by my chair for that whole 45 minutes we chatted. It was sweet of him. <3 And he was so cute, him and his sexy ass. Haha.

Rudy asked me how he looked, and I told him, really honestly, "Scary." But really, it was scary.

So, my heart goes out to him, Rudy(cept for a part that'll always be with Prince, but you know what I mean). And I'm happy he's going to be okay, except for the eye thing. I was supposed to see him again today, but I had no transport. So, I said I'd go tomorrow. I hope I can. I'd hate to make another promise I'm going to break.

I'm sleepy, ya know. So, maybe I should go. I've got to remember to buy more snack packs. I owe my twin a snack pack. :P Yep. Ok. Bleep.

Feeling: Sleeeepy
Listening to: Loose Lips Sink Ships by A Change Of Pace

Yeah, baby. We won the match against Form 5C, so we beat the 3rd position. BUT! The match on Saturday against Form 5D we lost. And it was so close. And I was awesome. And the team was great. And I kind of rocked except for the fact that I was the one who made the stupid last ball hit the ground. And I couldn't serve properly in practice and that made there be a little situation with Jovita. And she was so cute that night we had practice, she looked like a little boy. Hehe. And I think Shi Ming is angry at me cause of the last ball. And I don't think it's my fault we lost. And I think Saturday is just our losing day, since last week it was the day we lost against Form 5C. Pooheads.

Oh yes, and now I have a sprained elbow. :) From serving, I think. So, it hurts when I bend it too much and when I make it straight. Volleyball - it hurts me, I don't like it. And yet I still play. It's like a drug. Yeah. Okay.

What else can I say? I don't know. Nothing. Oh yeah, the school has cancelled all test 2s. So we have none(except for Chemistry because we voted). Which means the test 1 is 30% instead of 10% of the final mark. Hahaha. It's like good, but bad.

Okay. I gotta go. Ciao.

Feeling: Excited
Listening to: Here In My Room by Incubus

You know, I don't usually leave this big a gap between my posts. I do post something but blogger or my explorer messes up and I simply cannot be arsed to re-type everything I typed so hard. :) Yes, it really takes so much energy out of me, this typing business.

Anyway, I'm just going to list down the basic high lights that I have failed to inform you about.
* Far wrote down my name for the inter-class volleyball tournament at my school.
* We are combined with Form 5B, which is Jovita's class. So, we have a bunch of really good people on our team, 4B.
* We won the first match against Form 4C.
* We lost the second match against Form 5C. We didn't practice all together, you see, and Far didn't come.
* We got one more chance to play and get into the finals(i.e. positions 1, 2 or 3).
* We won the third match against Form 4A.
* We won the fourth match against Form 4D. Honestly, everyone wanted us to win, because they didn't want Form 4D to win. Haha. Evil or what?
* I had my first conversation with Kevin, from tuition, and he was like "Are you the one called Vodka?" Haha. So cute.
* I finished patching my pants up, with my sister's skirt. Muahahaha.

Yep. I can't really remember anything else except volleyball. Why? Because we are already in the finals, 3rd, right now and if we win the match tomorrow, we get to be 1st or 2nd. Yeah. It's against Form 5C again tomorrow. So, I'm just nervous. Need I point out that out of the four games we played, it was hardly 'we' 'cause I only played in 2 of the matches. I'm the sub. Poo. But it's understandable. I suck. :) So, anyway, the point of this paragraph was to tell you that all I can think about is volleyball.

Oh yeah, I was kind of cool in that last match I played in. Wehee. Last ball, man.

Moving on... today is Wednesday. I'm sleepy. Catch you later.