Shirley Temple

Feeling: Sick

Listening to: Escape Artists Never Die by Funeral For A Friend

I'm only blogging because I can't sleep, so don't get excited just yet. I know who Shirley Temple is now, by the way. I watched 'The Child Star', apparently it's an autobiography written by the lady herself. I wasn't that impressed. I got bored of tap-dancing after a while.

The hairdryer ate my hair today. I was curling my hair, sortof giving it wave, but it wasn't working cause my hair was still a little damp. So I got the hair dryer and started drying my hair, when all of a sudden my hair was being sucked in through the back of the dryer. I switched it off and pulled my hair out screaming "OWW!" Yeah. The hair dryer's just evil. They all are.

Today, well, yesterday was a shit fuck of a day, it was. Lots of problems were arising because of the stupid play. Problems I won't mention here for security purposes. OK. Not really, I just don't feel like telling you. Anyway, the whole thing ended up with Jasmine screaming at Sing Yee, Jasmine coming up to her room, lying on her bed and crying, and kicking me out of her house. I was just there 'comforting' her, but she asked me to leave her alone. I decided I'd give her what she wants, since I know what it's like to actually want to be alone. To just have everyone shut out of your life for a while. Very serene, really.

Anyway, Jasmine "quit" the play. But she's done that before and she's still here, so I don't know what that means. And we didn't get to practice the play in the end because the hall that we booked was being used by the Malay Week people. They were preparing for Monday. And I just said "OK, whatever. Stupid fucking play." Actually, I said it in my head, but I still said it. So I left. Couldn't stand wasting anymore time. Everything's going to waste and we only have what? 1 more week left to practice. 1 week = 7 days - Sunday = 6 days. AND EVERYONE JUST WON'T CO-OPERATE. Well, fuck them.

'Cept for Kelvin Tang, of course.

I Begin To Remember

Feeling: Hurt
Listening to: All Of Us by Blindside

I forgot what I wanted to talk about.

Oh yeah. Flagging. That's what I did today, wasn't it? It was tiring. It was so fucking hot today too. And I can't believe my friends, they were all looking for 'cute guys'. Didn't see any though. *rolls eyes.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling so angry and shit, I have this strange need to bleed. To feel pain. As if it's a way to erase everything that's happened.

I still can't remember what I wanted to talk about.

My mum went to Singapore yesterday morning. And then my uncle went at 4PM? Or something like that. He forgot to pick up my brother, and after I finished my class at 2:10PM, I looked outside and saw my brother there all alone. I was like.. "Oh my God. He forgot about him." And then I stopped and said "Oh my God! I care! Ahhh.. I actually care!" Yeah, I actually said that out loud.

And so my uncle is going to come back tonight, or tomorrow morning at 12AM. Then my sister is going tomorrow at 8:30AM? Or something. I don't know. Yeah, and I'm going to get my Chuck Taylors! Finally. My cousin forgot my birthday and so now she's going to buy me Chucks from Singapore. Heh. I feel so fucked up. :)

Ah, whatever. Fuck what I was going to say. I want to shower.

I'll Be The Switch He Turns On

Feeling: Lonely
Listening to: Glow by Alien Ant Farm

I'm addicted to this song now. I love it! Haha.

I decided to blog. Even though I'm not really online, I'm bored as hell. Waiting for the show on StarWorld to end. So yea, now I'm blogging.

I finally told Strawberry I like him. It was online though, so it was pretty pathetic. And then today I woke up with a message from him sent at 3:45AM. It was very revealing. Ehe. Made me want to laugh, cry and punch myself. I won't tell you what he said though, I want to keep it private. But I was thinking until 7:15AM what to reply. I stuck with "..You said all that to 'protect' me?" and sent it. Then I got back some other stuff where he was saying he doesn't deserve me and that he just doesn't want to hurt me. He sounds like me, ya know. Part of the reason why I wanted to laugh. So I dunno, what he said made me think really hard. And even Farianne noticed. Ehe. Kept asking me what's wrong.

La dee da.

Had a barbeque at home last night, a farewell 'party' for my cousin, Bryan. He's going back to Australia. Was fun. We played Twister and now my knees hurt. Hehe. I didn't win a single round though, and in the last game, my sister's BF was on top, my sister was under him, and I was at the bottom. Then her BF collapsed and made my sister fall on me, making me fall down and letting Farianne win. Haha. Very weird. After that, Farianne, Jasmine and I were just talking about how stupid we were in the past. Was nice... It let my mind be free of everything for a while. And I found out Jasmine made lots of people cry in the old days. Haha.

She's really weird though. She typed out scenes 1, 2, 3 AND 4. Though 3 of the scenes were supposed to be done by me. Ah well, she's so excited about it. She asked me to do scene 5. But that's funny, cause she asked me to do 2, 3 and 4. That girl can't seem to make up her mind. Hehe. I wanted to ask her if she wants to do the whole thing. :)

Oh yeah, Saturday night I was in a very happy mood. And it's all Moe's fault, it's amazing how he manages to do it. To make me happy. I want to know his secrets. Ehe. He asked me if I want to go to KL in August when he gets back. For 3 days and 2 nights. I want to go, just don't know if I can. Hmm... And then Teddy told me he was wondering where all my anger went. THAT made me realize I'm mostly always angry, huh? And that's not very nice on my friends cause I seem to let it all out on Teddy. I'm like a bomb, and Teddy just has this light that makes me burn and explode. *shrugs.

I better go now. It's 9PM. I'll blog again if I feel like it. I probably won't though. :) See you in hell, bitch.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Feeling: Overheated
Listening to: Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright

I fucked up the layout. That is, if it shows now. :) I love messing things up. Makes me feel like I'm such an idiot. Did my computer coursework project today, the one that is 20% of my PMB exam. Didn't finish much of it though. Couldn't find s h i t about what I wanted. Dumb ass fuckers. Excuse the langauge, but yes, dumb ass fuckers.

So Chewy didn't forget my birthday, he was in a car accident, was sick and low and credit. Or so he says. I believe him. Don't know if I should though, but I believe him. He seems so sweet still, yet nothing will bring us closer. It's like everytime we talk, it's the last time we're going to talk to each other. Almost as if every word we say is 'good-bye'. Kind of sad, yes?

I had this awkward feeling though, that something bad had happened to someone I cared about on a day near/on my birthday. I'd felt this feeling before, it's very weird. And so it was Chewy? Who was it last time?

Do I look that old? Someone said I look 24. And I'm still trying to decide whether that's a good thing, or a bad thing. I don't like looking older than I am, but it's what I've got, damn it.

Seems someone wants to take over the play I was supposed to be directing. The play I was supposed to be writting. The play I was supposed to be in charge of. And guess who it is? None other than Jasmine. I admit, she can be a very in-charge person, but she's TOO in-charge. She even kicked me out of the meeting the had just now. Kept saying they need to make the introduction longer, when I said the introduction's supposed to be short, and if she wants to buy time, she should make the other scenes longer. Not the introduction. So I walked out. Well, not really. I walked out, after being kicked out. But whatever. I ran over to Farianne(much slower than running though) and told her my sad, sad story of being run over by the people under me. Haha. Aren't I funny? Such a loser.

I always thought I knew the feeling of being forgotten. But I guess only know I truly know... Unless there is still worse to come.

Fuck you.

Feeling: Invisible
Listening to: Stereochild by Dead Poetic

Woo. Look at me. I'm invisible. I mean really, I seem to have adopted the wonderful gift of invisibility! It's amazing! I can go by doing things, and no one will notice. How wonderful. I can go up to Strawberry, give him a kiss on the cheek and he wouldn't even care. Why? Like I said. I'm invisible to most everyone I love.

Why do I even bother? He's kind of treating my like shit right now. But I still stick around. It's like there are chains locking me tight by his side. And then some little pixie comes along and whispers, "Don't worry, something good will come of this." Right. I hate it when you try so hard to get something, to get somewhere but in the end it all gets pushed back in your face. I feel like an asshole. A hypocrite. God damn it, I'm sorry.

I fell UP the stairs today. Yeah, who'd have thought it was possible to fall UP stairs? Well, it happened. Was damn funny. Especially since I was the victim. Don't really know how it happened though. Stupid step jumped up and tripped me. It was more like I tripped over twice though, only the second time, I was on my knees. Jasmine was just laughing at me, and in the end I was laughing too. It wasn't very funny until I realized what that must have looked like.

Yup, looks like this is the suckiest of all birthdays. I hate birthdays now. Stupid whorish days to celebrate the day you were born. Weak. It was also the most unluckiest one too. Lets list the bad luck that followed me around today, shall we?
• The water pipe broke for the house. So there was no water.
• My hand kept vibrating cause I punched the wall a number of times, and I couldn't write properly today. I hope it's broken.
• I fell up the stairs. I think I mentioned that one.
• Zimmy & Dee forgot my birthday. Strawberry, Aki & Chewy most probably did too. How sad.
• I didn't get to go out. But then again, that's not bad luck, that always happens now. I'm invisible, remember.
• I didn't get to eat dinner out, as promised by the Mum.
• I don't like the Mall anymore. Fucking place reminds me of Strawberry. This isn't bad luck either, I just felt like putting this here.

Wow. Wasn't that informing. I've got a secret. I really wanted to hear Strawberry's band play. The Assholes. Or whatever their name is now. Yes, I wanted to hear them play on my birthday. Was a little dream I had since the first time I heard them. I also wanted to get Strawberry's card he said he'd make me. Guess it's not going to happen. Don't you just hate it when I whine? I do. Fucking annoying, it is. Can't stand whining.

Will you look at that. This entry is overloaded with sarcasism. How lovely. I guess I'll be off now. But you wouldn't care, I'm invisible. :) I love this so fucking much!